Do women want to serve men (in balance)

Question

Blatantly put:

Are women programmed to serve their mate of choosing?

I don't know much about women but so far in one year of listening to dating gurus and pickup artists I keep seeing women wanting to make their mate happy.

Just to be clear... I'm not talking about slavery here.

What brought this up was I was just browsing Britney Spears and I came across this song called 'I was born to make you happy'...

Out of your experience how accurate is my hypothesis?

I also frequently see women accepting "nice" commands and men giving "nice commands". I've accepted and understand the logic behind this; however I would like some more knowledge to understand the breadth of male and female responsibilities in relationships.

kholland65 · Accepted Answer

Well first of all, generally speaking, anyone who is in a healthy relationship, is going to genuinely care about their SO and as a result is going to like to do things for them and take care of them man or women.

However, I think women are more predisposed than men to feel the need to be a caretaker, whether it be with children or something else. This is why women make up the majority of employees in service related jobs like being a nurse, teacher, waitress, etc.. Women have more empathy than men do which is by design so that they can be the primary care givers for children. This spill into every aspect of their life, therefore women are drawn to situations in which they are of service to someone and providing them with some sort of care, even if that care is just fetching them their drinks.

There is also a certain level of inherent submissiveness that most women posses to some degree, the opposite of men who usually posses at least a mild drive to have power and be dominant. Women are the antithesis of men. Men are programmed to vie for dominance, to be the alpha male and leader of the pack. Women as a result are programmed to find this to be a beneficial trait for survival and therefore are typically drawn to dominant and or powerful men. What I'm getting at is that generally speaking, women actually like a certain level of dominance in that, a girl finds it attractive when a guy takes charge, gives her orders, and overall has a certain sense of control over her. I'm not saying women like being treated like slaves. As my friend once said "we like dominance with a gentle hand". A girl likes when you call the shots, pick the restaurant, grab her hand and lead her, stand up to her during a disagreement, etc. She wants to feel like you are the alpha male over her, simply put because its a manly trait in you as the guy, which in turn makes her feel more feminine.

So in a general sense, yes, there is a certain drive to serve in women, more so than in men, but at the end of the day it still just depends on the individual person.

Cantremember · Accepted Answer

Short answer: No

Long answer: I don't know why you'd think listening to pickup artists will teach you anything about women. Pickup artists are like car salesman. They talk and pressure you into something you don't want. Ever heard of someone having a good and lasting friendship with a car salesman after they pressured them into buying a car they didn't really want? Didn't think so.

"Making someone happy" has NOTHING to do with serving the other. Men and woman do this to make their partner happy. Out of love. Because you want the other to be happy.

Asking your partner for something has nothing to do with commanding them. That is simply a responsibility that both partners have in a relationship. Equally.

So where does that take us on your hypothesis? No one is programmed to serve someone else. People, both men and women, do acts of kindness to make their partner happy. So here is a secret about women that apparently no pickup artist knows. Want to impress a girl? Do something selfless. Do the dishes. Help an old lady. Be nice to her and other people around you.

Example: Many guys seem to think they can impress a girl by talking down to a waiter on a date. "Establish power" as a pickup artist would say. In reality, the opposite works for you. Nothing turns off a girl more than a rude guy. Here is what real "power" is: Being kind to the people you have power over (in this case a waiter who isn't allowed to talk back). That's WAY sexier.

PaleRose · Accepted Answer

There's already a lot of responses but I'll throw my two cents in. I'd like to put it in more biological, scientific terms, and just note that I'm speaking in general (everyone is an individual). That said, women are born to be caretakers; evolution has programmed us to take care of children. That extends to taking care of people, especially those we love. Women are more empathic and interested in how other people are doing.

In my own personal experience, I love taking care of my boyfriend. When he's sick, when he's hungry, when he needs something, I'll take care of him, because I care about him. It's not at all like slavery because it's what I choose and what I like. In fact I'm a very dominant person, and to me I feel in control when I'm taking care of him, not so dissimilar to a mother with her child. He doesn't give me commands, though, but if he says he's hungry I'll usually make him some food or whatever. Maybe in the "typical" submissive woman / dominant man dichotomy he'd like to give commands, but in our situation it's reversed ;)

But really, I think that both men and women like to serve their significant other. They may just do it in different ways. It's more likely for a woman to stay by her loved one's bedside while they're sick, and more likely that a guy will protect his loved one from harm. But everybody is different and it's not hard to find examples of guys being caring and girls being protective.

EvieX · Accepted Answer

I think that media portrayals of women do have a bias for suggesting that women are inferior to men or that they are subservient/sexdolls. Maybe not blatantly but as a whole.

In my personal experience of my own relationships, I am inclined to "serve" the mate of my choosing. This is because when I love someone, I want them to be happy and by extension I will do what I think will make them happy. If I'm at that point, I can trust the person not to take advantage of that. I feel good doing things for them like cooking for them to save them time, sex acts, buying them things as a surprise etc.

In the same vein, he will do things for me like prioritise me over his other commitments and cook for me when I've had a long day and do what he can to please me.

Relationships are a two-way street and I'd like to think both parties want to please the other.

Media and societal pressures tend towards suggesting that men should be more dominant and women more submissive, so this might have a psychological impact on behavior .

I think it does boil down to wanting to please and make the other person happy; and trying to work out how to do this or what it is one should want may be effected by said influences. :)

udolipixie · Accepted Answer

Do women want to serve men (in balance)?

Not this gal. In my opinion gals generally want to serve guys as it seems gals unlike guys want to make their mate happy even if it's detrimental to their own happiness.

Out of your experience how accurate is my hypothesis?

Slightly accurate as the serving is not in balance in my observations since serving your partner is considered a female thing so guys most often aren't serving their partner as it's a weakness they would be ridiculed for as servitude and following commands is a sign of being subservient. In my experience if it's not a trait that is admired in a male then it tends to be a trait that is considered lesser or weak due to a patriarchal society.

"however I would like some more knowledge to understand the breadth of male and female responsibilities in relationships."

Egh in my experiences there are few to none male responsibilities in relationships other than keeping his d*ck out of other gals while the gal has a sh*tload of responsibilities most of them compromises on her part. A gal seems to generally have to be in a place of servitude and following their mate's "nice commands" which is in my opinion is more than guys ever do.

Confucius16 · Answer

In a healthy relationships, each partner looks to please the other, because the act of pleasing a partner makes both people happy.

No, women aren't programmed to serve anyone. They can work with a mate, and they can make the mate happy, but this should go both ways. The male should also make the woman happy. We aer in control of ourselves, so humans are not machines that can be programmed.

If you don't know much about women, then one year of listening to dating gurus and pickup artists won't be enough information for you to go by. Also, the singing, etc. industry sends a negative message out there, pushing women's sexuality and objectifying them like in that Britney Spears song.

I don't know how accurate you are about having seen command giving, but there should be no "commands". If a guy wants a girl to do something, he can request her, and she should either politiely comply or work to an agreement. The same must also hold true if the girl asks the guy to do something. He must listen with patient respect and be willing to respect her wishes.

Finally, guys are usually more dominant and stronger, so they are seen as giving commands.

angrychick · Answer

It really depends on what type of woman. There are selfish ones who want you to do everything for them and feel that the world owes them, so they should just sit there and be a princess.

There are others who are more level headed and want to do the above, and treat their man the same.

I, personally, treat my man like a king. I offer back massages almost every weekend, because he is a very hard worker. Him and I game together. When he's gaming I'll sometimes rub his shoulders or kiss his cheek and stuff or just hang out with my shoulder around him watching him (sometimes he hates this because it ruins his game lololol). Cook for him, fold his clothes, you name it. I don't do anything ROUTINely, but throughout the day, if you can make his life easier, and he can make your life easier, why not?

There are plenty of women out there who love to serve their men, but that's ONLY because they think their men treat them right. Don't expect this if you can't do the same for them.

There are also plenty of women out there who simply have no desire to do anything unless its beneficial to themselves...

Anonymous · Answer

I think men and women both serve and take care of each other in a healthy relationship. My boyfriend really enjoys doing things for me, as long as I show him appreciation and do things for him. The first time he cooked me dinner, he was like a small child waiting to see my expression when I tried what he made me. Etc.

I think the reason you perceive guys as commanding more is that too many women aren't assertive. We aren't exactly biologically programmed that way, but it is often socialized that girls should "play nice" and make other people happy. There is a large component that women get an endorphin rush from positive social connections (guys do too, but at smaller amount), so pleasing others is a positive experience. However, females also have needs they need reciprocated. Too many try to use passive aggressiveness or manipulation, or else let their needs go on the backburner until they fill with resentment or self-hatred. Guys, on the other hand, are socialized to go for what they want, so they tend to communicate more directly.

McQuacker · Answer

PUA Community is a scam. These guys sell you a product which is sessions with them costing thousands of dollars for them to teach you "Confidence".

They use common forms of manipulation and psychopathic behavior, usually on drunk girls.

Simple answer: Everyone wants to serve themselves

A young woman will only care about how a guy looks.

A young adult woman will care if a guy is "cool"

An older woman will care if a guy is "safe"

Money are 50%. Looks are 30%. Everything else is 20%.

If you don't believe me, look up the divorce rate in America.

allison13 · Answer

I used to hate cooking. I figured if I ever went and lived on my own I'd just make those really simple recipes or go out to eat. Ever since I got together with my boyfriend though I don't mind cooking as much as long as it's with/for him. In fact, I like doing lots of stuff for him that I wouldn't normally do for anyone else. I think it's just our way of showing we care for the other person. Sometimes we can't help it and just want to do those things because we love the other person.

I think it works both ways. My boyfriend told me he does stuff for me he normally wouldn't do for anyone else (even his family).

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not programmed to serve anyone. However If I'm with someone I'm in love with I want to make him happy. I want to do things for him and be there for him. It's just a part of showing him that I care about him. He would be the one I want to be with most, so in return I would want to show him what he means to me by doing things for him. It's not a woman thing. It's a human thing. I'm sure if you had a girlfriend you'd want to do things for her want to show that you cared about her. It's not serving anyone. It's doing it because you care for that person. It's a sign of affection, trust, and respect.

Girl1991 · Answer

I apologize for laughing, but you're trying to generalize 3 billion women based on what the entertainment industry sells. I'll give you credit for admitting you don't know much about women. My advice, practice talking to women NOT from a pickup-standpoint but as a "hi I want to have a real conversation with you."

As for the breadth of m/f responsibilities in relationships, the key is balance and reciprocity. Ever been taught the golden rule? Treat others the way you want to be treated.

With my boyfriend, I am happy to do things that make him happy because he does things in return that make me happy.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that women do enjoy serving the men that they love, and men feel loved by women doing it. However for some reason a woman doing anything for a guy is seen as a sign of weakness in our society. Like you had to mention that you are not talking about slavery. You shouldn't have to mention that, but our society is too uptight about it.

I believe that generally speaking a woman wants to serve the man she loves, just like generally speaking a man wants to protect and take care of the woman that he loves. That is just the basics of romance.

OpenClose · Answer

"so far in one year of listening to dating gurus and pickup artists"

link

I'm guessing you got most of this from the pickup artist side of things.

Clearly, CLEARLY you haven't seen a lot of relationships. For every girl who was "born to make you happy", there's a girl who has her guy on a leash, who feeds her "little doggy" treats for being a "good boy" and making sure she is royalty. "A real man treats her woman like a princess" they will say, followed by "A woman doesn't deserve to have those demands placed on her."

GuyAdviceFromGuy · Answer

Yea, women test men to see if they will bend over backwards if they do, they dump the guy and find a more alpha man they can "make happy" women will always test you to see if you are the leader, they will try to take the lead away from you and if you break, then they dump you and find the guy who can take control, women like to be submissive and want a dominate men they can follow around, why do you think fifty shades of gray is so popular? every woman wants to be humped from the rear bent over taking it in the arse.

caligirl3 · Answer

I think we are "programmed" to take care of each other, the man should protect the woman while we take care of the man, and I don't mean that we are their slaves or maids but the woman is more of acaretaker. But these roles aren't as strong as the used to beso it doesn't really matter anymore for most people. But as an Italian the roles are still pretty intact and we do take care of our men as long as we are respected.

harveykinkle · Answer

I think a lot of girls just do it because they're afraid of being alone so they go out of their way to do things to keep him around.

IT's unfortunate for me because some guys get upset when I refuse to put them on a pedestal right of the bat as other girls do for them.

celestialdaeva · Answer

It's reciprocal. Or should be. Some of the gurus teach you to give conflicting messages so that they feel like you are reciprocating (thereby increasing the amour they are willing to do) and then being intentionally distant or slightly derogatory to maintain the upper hand.

There stuff can be good to read for some insight into human interactions, but the rules and advice they give out are downright manipulative a lot of the time.

blackwaterhattie · Answer

It's reciprocal, I believe. When people love each other, to give becomes a gift. It makes me happy to do for them because then they are happy, and I love them so I want them to be happy. And they want me to be happy, so they do for me too. That's ANY relationship, really- if you think about it.

SheIsUnstoppable · Answer

I can't talk for other people because I know some that feel as if it's their duty as the woman to serve her significant other. I know I am a human being..I have needs just like the next guy. I'm not supposed to serve my boyfriend. It is not written down in law. If I want to do something he ask for me to do then I will. Same goes for him. We are in a relationship. It's 50/50. You make me happy I'll make sure you're happy too

Hannah591 · Answer

We're not 'programmed' to serve anyone. No human being is. If we want to 'serve' our partner, it will be from our own choosing and love for them, not because we're biologically 'programmed' to do so.  Both men and women want to make their partners happy. I will not 'serve' my partner if he doesn't give me the same treatment back because I believe in 50/50 in a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Actually, just speaking from my experience and looking at some successful relationships around me, men often want to serve their lady and see their role as to make her smile / feel happy. The man gives, and the woman receives. Yet the woman kind of holds the power. This might be a bit old-school but that's just what I've found.

Anonymous · Answer

No probably not, but that's just me and everyone wants something different it probably depends on ones personality.  I will not take any kind of nice commands from any man what so ever, never, ever.  And I will not serve any man (unless its the Lord).  And that song is so old, what were digging into ancient history? That came out like 15yrs ago sheesh

doratheexplorer · Answer

I never had a boyfriend or whatever..

but when I'm married I would love to be a hosue wife. take good care of my husband, make him the happiest he can be, and spend my time taking care of the house and my family.

Anonymous · Answer

Sure. When I'm with someone, I truly want him to be happy. I love doing for someone I care about, if they're good to me. I get joy out of doing for others. It's even more joyful when I get a good man in return.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know exactly how to answer this question so I'm going to go with a simple no.

It is not my job to serve him and do all the work "out of the kindness of my heart." He better be serving me right back or I'm out.

pinksummer · Answer

I as a woman am ment to b my husband's evrything. If a woman is sub. And dom a man is supposed to feel equal. To his wife . But and the same instance a man is to serve his wife  . He must b our leader follower, he is to wake evry day and say how can I serve my wife. And she him. Its not a matter of commands.I wish me cn evry way a woman loves and breaks. If tht woman gives you head EVERY TIME You HAVE SEX she want her man to feel loved

snowangle · Answer

When I love someone, I want to go out of my way to make him happy. I don't know if it's a female thing or an individual thing, or if it's just something that everyone does.

COCOCHANEL · Answer

if I'm in love I find myself going out of my way to please him as much as I can.

cooking, cleaning, washing and blow-drying his hair, giving him massages and anything I know he wants and more. "born to make you happy" and "cater 2 u"

why-makoto-kun · Answer

Of course, if I had a guy who treated me well I would love to do nice things for him to make him happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, a good woman wants to serve the man she loves.  And a good man wants to serve the woman he loves.  That's the way it is supposed to work.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.

backagainagain · Answer

If he makes me happy, I want to return the favor. I expect that guys see it the same way.

Mihikko · Answer

Its not being programmed. we just do it cause we love the guy same with our love ones, we take care of them because of love..

Anonymous · Answer

I would if he's worthy.by that I mean treats me well, cares about me, and I know he'd do the same in return for me. Only if he meets that criteria, otherwise no

pips1 · Answer

I think you give and take men and women to truly get on you have to give and take in a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

We serve each other out of love and care, that's the way it works. I don't stay in a relationship in which I'm the only one giving.

AlmostAsylum · Answer

there's a reason 'obey' used to be in marriage vows.

Anonymous · Answer

When people are in love typically yes they want to make their mate happy.

Countrygirl4ever · Answer

I suppose it varies, but personally, I would be more than happy to please my husband in every way possible :)

Anonymous · Answer

I think we're programmed to serve each other. Women fall for men but not as hard. And she falls hard for her children. But men are programmed to fall hard for women but hate children.

Anonymous · Answer

that's what it seems like, they want to be slaves of men

Anonymous · Answer

I highly doubt it lol.

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