Just discovered boyfriend has 2 cell phones!!

[Anonymous]

Just discovered that boyfriend has two cell phones. What I don't understand is why... I do not have access to his original cell phone - it's locked and I have no idea what his password is and he almost always keeps it in his pocket when we're together. I do not have access to the bill or anything so no way of me getting into his phone records - so is he cheating or is he a drug dealer or something?! I can't see the reason of having two phones if cheating because I can't get into the original one AT ALL! Just want opinions on why he has two phones please NO questions on how I discovered it because sorry I have trust issues and do snoop through his pockets/gym bag from time to time.

Updates

+1 y

I don't want him going through my phone or email and he does not know my passwords and that's just because I like privacy. I'm not doing anything behind his back and I'm 100% faithful to him and he knows it. I just don't get why he'd have a second phone unless he was up to something but what is that something...

Updates

+1 y

Update: second phone is for contacts etc he doesn't trust anyone and would not let man at verizon transfer anything from his old phone to his new phone (pics, contacts, etc).

[BatDoc]

If you have nothing to hide, then privacy isn't an issue in a relationship. But it clearly is.

However, remember that if you like your privacy, so does he. This isn't about a second phone. This is about your own privacy and trust issues.

No matter how you handle this, this relationship is destroyed. If you never ask him about it, you will drive yourself insane wondering what the phone is for. If you do ask him about it, he will know you snooped and his trust in you will be destroyed.

I've seen this time and time again, and the outcome is always the same. I wish people understood that if you are going to snoop, you have to be ready for whatever you find. In relationships, ignorance truly is bliss.

[Asker]

BatDoc - you are 100% right. I should have learned about snooping from past relationship and you're right I wouldndt want it done to me but I know I'm no hiding anything. I just like privacy. Yes I am probably being a hypocrite for saying that because he likes his privacy too but he has the stupid stuff that makes you wonder not me. Ignorance is bliss. Any suggestions on making this better here on out?

[BatDoc]

Whether or not you are hiding anything is incidental. You are the one wondering about it. To him it is perfectly normal to have what he has.

To make it better, you have to treat this like a good leader would and hold yourself by the same rules you hold sacred. If you enjoy your privacy, then you have to learn to respect that boundary with others. If you wouldn't like someone snooping through your gym bag, then you shouldn't snoop through someone else's. And you simply have to learn to trust.

[Asker]

Well put BatDoc and you are correct - I totally do need to learn to trust and need to stop violating a person's privacy as I would want mine respected. As a guy though, care to take a stab why he'd have the two phones based on what I have described (not being able to even get into original phone)?

[BatDoc]

So why would he have two phones...well, let's see. What line of work is he in? It could be a business phone. Some people, like reporters, certain government officials, etc. have separate phones or "burn" phones that pay-by-the-minute and aren't traceable. Burn phones are also popular with drug dealers and guys who mess around. I would gather that it's probably one of the latter two scenarios.

[Asker]

He's in law enforecement so don't think its for work unless he's a shady officer or in fact messing around (but I can't get into his regular phone so why waste the $$ on another for chicks?!) Both phones are prepaid (BOOST Mobile) types.

[BatDoc]

Being in law enforcement, it may very well be a work phone. Several cop friends of mine do just that. One phone is strictly for business and one is their personal phone. It keeps things separated if they end up having to go to court over something.

So what's your plan now that you know there are two phones, there are valid reasons other than illicit activities that would explain him having a second phone, access to both phones is restricted, and your discovery of such was privacy invasion?

[Asker]

My plan is to stop snooping and to stop speculating. If something illicit is going on it will eventually come to light. I need to stop inventing scenarios and letting them affect my mood and way of handling things. Certainly not healthy. Do you agree? Any suggestions on how to proceed?

[BatDoc]

I agree. It isn't healthy. However, once you know something, you can't unknow it. There are two options: resolve or restart. Until you do one of those two, this will keep eating away at you. So you can restart, as start a brand new relationship with someone else. Or you can resolve it by talking to him and hoping he forgives you for snooping.

[adesantiago99]

If he wouldn't let the person at the phone store touch his other phone then it could be one or two things; he's a drug dealer, however most drug dealers clear evidence from their phone or he is participating in what's called down low behavior. You are not being snoopy you just want honesty and while privacy is understandable, deceit is not, so do your homework, not just about the phone but other things that may not make sense.

[Anonymous]

That seems very shady. You should try to confront him gently about this.

[Asker]

Any suggestions on how to do so "gently"

[dollme777]

well that sucks big time I don't know girl you might have to wait till he is sleep to try to get into it and is like a finger slide password or numbers? I would trust issues too..

[Asker]

its an old school blackberry... could be a combo of numbers and letters for all I know. I was thinking to take the memory card and put it into my work blackberry but I need time to do that and not sure how much info I'll get. No SIM card (no slot in my BB for a SIM either).

[dollme777]

hmmm that's a good idea that's how you can get it to you just won't see texts messages, or phoncalls you'll just see pictures and phone numbers. but he will probably notice the sim gone you have to make a good lie. Like you don't even know what happened. But you should find out a lot does he have a charger for it? cause if he does you can hide the charger that way his phone will be dead. And you can take the sim card then

[Asker]

No there is no SIM card just the memory card

[dollme777]

oh OK well get the memory card and see what you find but I just have a feeling that he is either selling which I guess that's tolerable or he is talking to other girls..i would really think that if his behavior is weird have you questioned him on the second cell or he thinks you don't know.

[Asker]

He has no idea I found out. I just don't see the point of having another phone to talk to girls if I can't even see/get into the one he has been carrying originally. Do you know what I mean? He hardly ever keeps the original one visible so I wouldn't know if anyone ever calls him or texts him.

[dollme777]

he is sneaky as sh*t and its needs to be addressed there are some instances where maybe you shouldn't do hard snooping cause its all in your head but I feel like you have good reason. I mean you may not want to think that he isn't talking to bitches but what the reason for the secrets and passwords. Do you live with him?

[Asker]

No we do not live together. Defintely makes me think he's sneaky and of course I should address it but I don't want him to know I snooped. I had that problem with my ex and he is aware of that because I told him what I used to do. I keep my phone locked to though and he doesn't know my passwords to my phone, email or Facebook because I like privacy as well. I am not doing anything behind his back but would be embarrased if he saw some of the thinsg I write to my friends etc

[dollme777]

ok well you guys have secrets between you, and you guys don't live together and I don't know how serious you guys are but I feel that for the relationship to be 100 percent real..not sayin its fake but there needs to be no secrets there shouldn't be stuff that he doesn't want you to see vise versa if you want to change that it all has to stop on both sides passwords, locked phones, everything. Now if you can find a way to look with out getting caught I would do it. But look at the dynamics.

[Asker]

I see your point and it isn't fair to want privacy but not respect it in another person. I shouldn't have went through his bag. I did this to myself. I was just being snoopy because of past relationship. I have been very good about not doing it but sometimes I just can't resist the urge

[dollme777]

I get how you feel I'm like that too but your not wrong if you feel in your gutt somthin is wrong then you are probably right. A second secret phone that's a big deal and your probably stressin and wish you never snooped cause now you wouldn't be racking your brain. Its a problem and you either stick with the plan or confront him. But if he is hiding don't know how well that will go. I think you need to do something now that you know unless you can live with pretending it never happened.

[Asker]

I agree. Who knows maybe it will come up on its own over the next few days. I'm sure there's a reason for it...

[dollme777]

yea there is a reason for it you will find out.

[Asker]

will keep you posted!

[dollme777]

ok I ll be here to help : )

[Samsons]

He’s the one who should worry. There are many reasons people have more than one cell phone, and not all are shady or ominous. Here’s an idea, before getting into another relationship after this one ends, and it will if it hasn’t already because your trust issues annihilated it, go get therapy/counseling to work on YOUR issues, because they will only continue to sabotage any relationship you have. His behavior is not the problem, YOURS is. Once you start therapy, learn about BOUNDARIES and how to respect other people’s. I still question whether or not this is a real thread and not some b. s. post, as it’s hard to believe someone could be so oblivious to their own hypocrisy and bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's for work?

[Asker]

Def not for work - his job does not call for it

[Asker]

well at least I don't think so...