If a guy chose another girl over you, would you give him a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Technically, me and the guy was not really dating. I'd a crush on him and we were just in the "just talking" phase but I made sure he knew how I felt about him. Long story short, while we were talking, he ditched me for another girl. That girl cheated on him and in the end, dumped him before leaving for college during the summertime. Whenwe came back from summer break, I'd lost 38 pounds and I was looking good and he started noticing. My thing is, I still like him but I can't get over the fact that he ditched me for another girl and I can't help but question his sudden new interest in me. What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

Do I've a legit reason to be mad or disappointed in him if me and him were never actually dating?

[AmongTheApples]

I understand how you feel. The truth is though, you'd be surprised how dense guys (or, at least, I) can be when it comes to determining whether a girl likes us or is just being friendly. One time when I was choosing between two girls, I missed or rationalized (for a variety of different reasons) a lot of very, very obvious signs that one them really, really liked me. It's a long story. Anyway, since I wasn't completely sure that she was over her ex and I had been talking to the other longer and thought that I had more in common with the other (turns out I was wrong, I just placed far too much emphasis on one thing and ignored the numerous things that I had in common with the one who had a crush on me), I chose the other girl. Of course, I don't think that she knew I was seeing another girl and choose the other, but I'm sure that she suspected (two in particular come to my mind).

We had little contact for about a year or so, and then we ran into each other (happened to attend the same thing). Her eyes instantly lit up, and she immediately gave me a long, tight hug (which she'd never done before) and even wanted a picture. After that, I reflected on our prior time together and realized how dumb that I had been and all the huge signs that I somehow missed or rationalized. I erred (f***ed up), big time. I suddenly realized how great she is and eventually developed a crush on her. We contact each other from time to time, but both of us seem to worry too much about having possibly been friend zoned. Despite having dated other girls since then, even had a very intense relationship with a girl, whom, at one time, I liked better than any other girl before her, I still miss the girl that I didn't choose and regret my actions to this very day.

The point of telling you this is to demonstrate that a guy's (and I'm sure a girl's) feelings really can change, even if the girl hadn't. According to psychological research, people like those who like, or appear to like, them; and the more they seem to like them, the more he or she will end up likely the other as well as the faster he or she will. If he, for whatever reasons, didn't notice just how much you liked him, and he suddenly became aware of it, then yes, it's highly likely that it would change his feelings for you.

[Asker]

I don think he didn't know I liked him. I made it VERY clear. Even a little child would know that I liked him. Sorry to hear about you and that girl. Maybe you should hit her up and try again. Good luck.

[AmongTheApples]

You'd be surprised. If I told you what she did and how she acted, you'd say the same thing about me; but, as I said, I either missed it or rationalized it. And I don't know what you did to indicate that you like him, but it can't be more obvious than what this girl did. You should give him one more chance; you really don't have anything to lose. If you don't, you might always wonder if you did. And thanks, good luck to you too.

[Asker]

To indicate I liked him, I actually wrote him a letter, made him a playlist with songs describing how I felt, I complimented him , I even flat out told him. I don't know what would be even more obvious. Maybe I should have put it up on a billboard and on his way to school, he would see it lol but I didn't. That's just too much.

[AmongTheApples]

Lol well, in my defense, I assumed that you meant that you hinted around or showed him signs; not literally told him, so I guess you win lol. Still, his feelings for you have probably really changed, so it's a matter of if you can get over his picking another girl over you--which, not to diminish it anyway, is really a pride issue.

[NitroBlade]

I always believe in second chances, and you always see people in a new light over time. He simply didn't like you before, and now he does. Whether he was with someone else when he didn't like you is irrelevant. He didn't leave you for someone, he just didn't show interest, and happened to find someone he was interested in.

I agree with the other guy, switch the roles around and see if it's fair.

[Asker]

If he didn't like me before whu couldn't he just say it instead of stringing me along? I'm not sure that I like that he likes me now because he probably likes me for the wrong reasons since I'd to lose wei ghost ht to get him interested.

[NitroBlade]

Okay well clearly we need more information. What exactly do you mean by a "just talking" phase? What did he do? You mentioned you liked him and what? He didn't show interest, or did he seem to show interest and really lead you on?

[Asker]

Just talking means that we would text several times per week and flirt sometimes in those messages. He showed interest at least that's what's I thought. He would reply back and he would stare at me in the halls when we saw each other but whenever i"d straight forwardly ask him if he liked me, he would always not say no but not say yes either. He basically wouldn't give my a straight anwser. Yes, I mentioned I liked him. I made that very clear from the beginning. I literally fell head over heels.

[NitroBlade]

It's tough to always say how you feel. Also feelings are a strange thing. I'm not saying what he did was right, but he probably feels his no answer was an answer in itself. He may have been shy or couldn't express himself properly.

Or perhaps he just wasn't sure. Either he wasn't sure about you, or felt something for this girl and you as well, but more for this girl.

[NitroBlade]

If you feel he doesn't deserve a second chance then that's up to you. He didn't start dating you then left you for another girl. He didn't give you an answer and went for someone else.

Times change, people change, feelings change. I say give it a chance, but it's really up to you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I'm glad I got a guy point of view because I have all female friends and they are dead set against him. Thanks

[Anonymous]

hmm I mean you can try just casualy dating? see if he is worth a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Lets say there is a guy that likes you right now that you are not interested in. Later you develop a crush on him, and he decides not to give you a second chance because you didn't respond when he wanted you to. Should every guy that likes you right now refuse to date you in the future because you like someone else more right now? How reasonable do you think that would be?

As for his sudden interest in you, you already said you lost weight. Of course that is going to play a role. Men and women are attracted to attractive people. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Asker]

Liking someone amd actually dating them are two different things. He didn't just liked her, he dated her and I'd to see them every freaking day together so I'm a little bitter.

[Opinion Owner]

Alright so lets say you date this guy for a while. Then should all of the guys that like you now never give you a chance in the future?

[Asker]

No, they should give me a chance. But, if they don't tell me they like me or their intentions, they can't hold that against me. I'm not a mind reader. They have to make their feelings known.

[washize]

No, just no.