Why won't he get me a ring?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 3 years asked me what I want for Christmas and I told him I'd like a ring. We've been together for 3 years and have a child together. I told him I would just like a ring, it doesn't have to have any real significant meaning as I do not want to get married but I do want something to represent our relationship that I can wear. He told me he understands where I'm coming from but it's too soon? I'm not exactly sure how it can be too soon when we have a daughter and we live together. Am I missing something?

[vmw2008]

This has less to do with you, and more to do with him. Guys who are ready for a bigger commitment, and who are fully invested in their relationship, wouldn't think this was too soon. Unfortunately in this position, you have to decide if you can live with the relationship being the way it is for a long time, or think about moving on. Some relationships do eventually get more serious later, others don't, and others break up.

In my opinion, this type of situation would work if you're both on the same page. A lot of times happily married couples that waited 10 years to put a ring on it, are happy because they BOTH wanted to wait 10 years. I understand that you don't want to get married, but when one person is totally ready for something more significant, and the other isn't, there is an incompatibility there. That's not to say you can't work through it, but there is a hitch in the relationship right now.

[Asker]

It's difficult to just walk away, considering the child factor, and the fact that I love and care deeply for him. I just don't know where his head is at...and I don't understand how he sees the situation as "too soon" We already live together and have a child? Thanks for your advice.

[vmw2008]

I understand. I don't have children, but I suspect if I did, I'd work very hard to stay with the father of my child. That being said, I just wanted to state the facts that your relationship status may not ever change if he thinks things are "too soon" with a child and a place together. He just may not be the guy to give you the commitment you need. You also should never feel like a bad mom if you wanted to leave. Regardless of statistics, seeing your mom in a happy relationship with someone is

[vmw2008]

better than seeing your mom in a somewhat unfulfilling relationship with Dad. And I say that from personal experience.

[Anonymous]

he doesn't want to marry you and probably never will.

getting you a ring is too much like an engagement ring. are you sure you don't want to get married? because asking for a ring kind of symbolizes that or at least could lead one to think so...i mean if you want to get married there's no shame in that. if I was dating a guy for 3 years and had a baby by him I'd want to be married...you don't want to be married at all? or just not now?

because honeslty if you're not comfortable being a baby mama the rest of your life you need to just end it in the near future. he is basically doing what thousands of men do to their long term baby mamas by saying "oh its too soon" that's bullshit. he just don't wanna marry you and doesn't want the relationship to progress more than what it is right now. that's why you won't get a ring from him.

[Asker]

No I never want to get married! I've seen far too many marriages fall apart, so needless to say I don't want that to happen to me. However I do want a ring (not an engagement ring) just as symbol of his appreciation for me and everything I do for our family. I work, take care of our daughter, take care of him and our home...I just feel like I deserve a little appreciation!

[harveykinkle]

You should maybe have a chat with him about why he feels it's too soon when you've been together for 3 years and have a child. It would be one thing if t was an engagement ring (which even that wouldn't be unreasonable) but he's afraid of getting you just a non-significance ring?

Something's not right there :(

[Asker]

I know. Something must be wrong...just don't know what

[cavmanier]

I doubt pressuring him will change how he feels.

[harveykinkle]

It's not pressuring - simply ask why. They have a child together... he should be able to tell her his reasoning for his feelings.

Wouldn't you find it odd if the mother of your children was apprehensive about committing to you?! Even without the child it's perfectly normal for her to be wondering where the relationship is headed after three years. If they don't have the same future goals she needs to know that.

[gaurav83]

He's a jerk. If you guys have a daughter then you should get married. There is nothing wrong with that. Since you have a little angel to take care of then more than you guys, it think she needs her both parent to be there. BTW how is his behavior towards you in general? May be he would surprise u...who knows.

[Asker]

I honestly don't want to get married. I'm very cynical towards the thought of marriage. However I do agree that our angel does need both parents in her life and I don't plan on breaking up I just want some symbolism of our relationship. He's very good to me, but I think maybe he has serious commitment issues and he feels once he gets me a ring he's in for the long haul which is ridiculous because he's already all in considering we have a child. I don't know what the heck...

[gaurav83]

Well then you should probably wait and see what he brings for you on Christmas. Don't demand anything. As I said earlier, your marriage would be good for your kid even if you guys don't want to do it. Anyways as long as you guys are in a good relationship I think it's okay and you can drop the idea of ring for a while. Go for a necklace...lol...U've told him what you want and now let him realize that it's the right think to do. If he loves you then he will understand that. Lots of kisses to sweetie kido..

[cavmanier]

"Too soon" is completely subjective to his interpretation. I would get a girl a ring in this situation though. I think there's a good chance either he's really afraid of commitment or isn't that into your relationship.

[Asker]

I think he may have commitment issues too...ugh. It's just we've already been together for 3 years and have a child...can't get much more committed then that...

[Vesuvius87]

The problem is you've already given him all the comforts and elements within a marriage without actually getting married. I don't know about this but 3 years is a long time to me. You might want to talk to him and see where that's heading.

[Asker]

I'm not looking to get married. I just want a symbol of appreciation from him something that represents our relationship

[Anonymous]

Realistically, if you've been with a guy three years, and he hasn't proposed, he never will. Much less after you two have had a child.

[Vesuvius87]

This I agree. The guy's been getting too comfortable with the situation.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

To him, it is too soon. Just a difference of opinion.

[Asker]

For a non significant ring? Just a Christmas gift?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

But you are putting significance on it. You even put in your question it was something that "represent(s) your relationship"

[Asker]

Yes, but it's not an engagement ring or a promise ring. Yes it will have some significance to me I suppose, I guess I just don't feel it's too soon when we live/ have a child together...

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I understand that, but it's also not just a piece of jewelry that's on your Christmas list. I get what you're saying, but he's obviously not wanting to commit publicly to you.

[Asker]

It certainly seems that way doesn't it...ugh. It's just a sucky feeling!

[Anonymous]

He's not ready to make any commitment to you. He's comfortable with the way things are