Attracting the Right Love

[Ozanne]

I’m stealing this idea from a fantastic book I read many years ago called the Savvy Woman’s Success Bible, a concept created by businesswoman Tina Santi Flaherty and co-written by Kay Iselin Gilman. I’m going to put a twist that will include men in this myTake because it certainly can apply to both genders.

When we think of the right life we want, including a perfect partner, we often picture something in our minds that appeals to us. We have preferences and we hope that someone within that preference will find us attractive too. But often times this doesn’t happen because we have obscured a lot of what our “perfect match” might find attractive in us.

I don’t fall for the fluffy law of attraction concept, whereby you sit back and the cosmos just bring things to you because you think hard enough about it. (Ie. The Secret) What I do think has some merit is how you present yourself to the world that sends a message how you expect to be treated or who you hope to attract.

This book and many others who psychoanalyze business success will give advice such as, in order to get further in the job, dress and act like the boss. People often naturally respond to how you are perceived, whether you want to fight with that logic or not. If you present yourself in a professional manner, dress the part, and walk the walk, people do take notice.

This can apply to relationships as well.

You may have a preference you want to attract, but is your preference attracted to you? Often times, people look for comfort within their own “type” and will respond to what they already know. So if you’re a guy looking for a fit woman who enjoys the gym, ask yourself if the woman you seek within this stereotype is finding attractive in men. The likelihood that you are within that type for that type might find you more successful in attracting her. Likewise, if you’re a woman wanting to find a man who is smart and looks great, then be the woman that these men would find attractive to them.

If we are so misaligned with our preferences, we won’t get anywhere trying to attract what we want.

In this day and age, and with people fiercely protecting their right to be how they want to be might find that this logic isn’t fair. No one said that being who you want to be isn’t allowed. But we can’t crawl in to the heads of those who are wired to find what they prefer to make them think otherwise. People are people, and if they have a type and you’re not it, then that is their choice to make.

“Be yourself” and “don’t change for anyone” has always been a nice sentiment for most things in life. However, is it realistic when your goal may require some change? Would it be worth getting what you want? If you believe you can apply some change to attract what you want, such as a partner, then it’s up to you to decide whether or not you can or even if you should. Making a sacrifice like this does take consideration, but remember that when it comes to work and relationships, people can sense when something clearly isn't natural. Your change should be one you can handle and be comfortable with, if you choose to do so at all.

I’m no Dr. Phil fan. Far from it. But I remember one thing he said once that struck me as common sense: “We tell people how we wish to be treated.” Perhaps not verbally, but I understand what this means. However it is we wish to present ourselves to the world and to those we want in our lives will respond to how we are.

Now, on to realizing your capabilities and go get ‘em!

[Junlian]

This made stop and think fir a split second. My intuition and common sense guide me to be a laid back, humorous but serious, caring guy. I somehow attract attention seeking girls whom life is on the verge of reck. I am also a mentor and a slow learner. 70% people copy what i do, believe it or not. I do get impatient with relationship if she takes too long or show no interest but expect me hold off. Like 8 months to 2 years. But guys has needs too. But back to your take. Its true it make sense to stop and be that mirror image of yourself and also what the partner wants as well. Ill be sure to check the book out. Great mytake as always.

[Ozanne]

Thank you :) I also have to wonder about why people seem to attract the crazies or the clingy types. If they are in a constant hamster wheel with attracting these types of people, they have to stop and ask themselves what they are actually doing because the common denominator in all those relationships is *them*.

Women who are a wreck usually look for guys who can be fooled by their problems. They often seek out the white knight guys who might look after them, if nothing else, emotionally. They want to be the victim in the relationship so that if something goes wrong and the relationship ends, they can tell their friends and family, "See? I was the good one, and *he* left *me* and let me down." They don't try to improve themselves for the sake of just having a better life, they continue doing this so that they can always feel as though they can remain pitied or cared for.

[Junlian]

Very very informational. I see that I am a Matt, a foot stool, a guy girls to get over on, or an easy target, I need to learn how not be easy or a Matt for woman. But still be myself. You are the best thanks.

[Kalibie]

Definitely. Just like if you have an abusive parent and are submissive, you are very likely to attract another abusive person to become your partner, I almost did.
I knew a girl who had a similar childhood, unlike me she ended up in a string of abusive and rapey partners.
She finally began to hide her meekness a few years back and has been finding a lot more normal men so to speak.

[kill-switch]

I'd just say this I'm confused about why your bringing up the topic about jobs but to the point. About what your saying you have a good point on that. For example I love my girls/women to dress in fashionable nice neat attractive T-shirts tucked in and other fashionable clothes I also sometimes wish I can dress this way myself but the thing is I don't know many clothing stores I hardly know any and I don't have many female friends or friends in general but in my world where I belong which where here I don't belong in this world because everything is such an illusion to me I don't know my real parents but in my world my angels dress that way all the time and my real mother is an angel and my real father is a demon they both dress in ways I like it but here im mainly just talking about girls and women I don't know many girls or women that dress in tucked in T-shirts and I wish it can be a trend because I hardly have ever seen a woman dress that way in my world where everything feels like and is reality all the women do it and plus I don't know where I'd even meet my women because in this illusion world I never know where to go to find what I need for my health I mean first of all I'd want to go shopping with my type of girls or women to see what clothes and kind of clothes we both like on each other or better yet I wish I can make my own clothes and my type of girls or women would be wishing the same thing my type of girls or women are sympathetic and empathetic and also good listeners and are very very supportive when I would be having tears they have similar views and beliefs of life and also death that's pretty much all I have to say I hope you support my intake.

[front2back]

I seem to always attract women that are emotionally compromised, sometimes to the point of severe depression. I also seem to attract users, usually for emotional or attention reasons. Some of my female friends "fear" for me because they think I might pick up some bitch along the way in life that will ruin everything. I've been cautious to avoid these soul sucking sluts, though.

Strangely, almost every girl that showed some interest in me has (1.) Been through a lot of shit (see first point) and (2.) Wanted to or was becoming a nurse. I don't know how but this is what happens.

[muspelhem_5]

Hey doctor can you take a look at my rash?

[wisdom_sharer]

This sounds kinda okay, but I reccomend Erich Fromm - "The art of loving".

[Thrifty]

You're theories are good ideas and you have to be the right person to attract the right people, but the law of attraction 'fluff' is true, too.

[Red7336]

what is that anyway?

[Thrifty]

Law of attraction is a spiritual law that states that like attracts like.

[Thrifty]

And I meant 'Your' (theories) not 'You're'.

[LovesTVDx]

I agree with this!

[JustPhillip]

I'm too positive to find love girls are too into celebrities for me to have a chance for anyone