Is Asking For True Passion Not Realistic Nowadays?

Anonymous
...or scared?
...or scared?

I love to please whilst being in control, I'm straight but I need to give pleasure to both men and woman.

Mentally because I'm really into psychology (even if I chose to follow a trilingual course in Uni and having so much literature classes might've made me a little too philosophical lol) and love making people feel better through words and laughs, adapting to every single person to all make they feel a different connection with me and be close to what they'd want from me while still being me.

But also physically as I love making someone feel good through touch without making it particularly sexual like through soft touches, caresses, massages... I just want to make people feel good and I'm satisfied when I see them enjoying and opening up.

I'm virgin and never had a boyfriend (most guys always assumed that I have some boyfriend and that he must be super possessive for some reason) but I oddly enough like sexting with strangers and never contact them again. I prefer being the one doing most of the talking and that's because I seem to never get answers that would get me going, the way most guys sext I find to be over-sexualised and just plain repulsive. Even sexting doesn't get me off in the sexual way it should, I also just end up getting satisfaction from being able to help someone get something that they wanted. I got more aroused by guys indirectly provoking me through dirty talking in a fun way than by all of my sext mates put together. I don't know if I'm being too complicated or really just only got guys that started well talking about their fantasies but ended with them harshly coming and me casually eating not the least aroused by them and their foul words.

I don't understand how I can be so complicated and almost picky when I honestly am open to nearly any guy funny and a bit smart. I always get looks from guys but I rarely get approached, guys always seem to think I'll reject them for sure so won't do more than a stare, picture or video but I feel so lonely and I don't know what to do because what I'm only really looking for is Passion.

My life lacks this feeling sooo much, I envy people with passions like sports, music, science, just anything they're ready to put their all in because I can't stick to one thing like that. I used to play Piano and Guitar but stopped after my teachers called me their best student and wanted me to pursue in that one activity. I was a beginner in fitness and gym but got exercise of intermediate after 2 sessions as beginner was too easy for me. I've always been a good student loved by teachers and respected and looked upon by others for my looks and mind. I'm not saying all of this to flaunt but I always give off the feeling of being someone knowing where she is and where she is going, always getting what she wants if she puts her mind to it but I know that it's mostly just a facade. I've been lucky and I'm a hard worker but there's always this hole inside of me that I know could only be filled by finding love but I feel like no one around could give me the real passion feeling I'm lacking and yearning for so much.

I'm just starting to doubt ever finding my passion and I think I'll just scare guys away if they knew how much of an impact they could have on my life, as I said I don't really get actually asked out so I don't reject anyone trying, but, I know that I'm incapable of having a "casual relationship". I put so much of myself to help pure strangers so you could get that if someone I actually had feelings for ever returned them, I'll give that person my all and more to make him feel as good as he could ever feel because of someone. I'm not scared of being hurt, I do give my all but when hurt or rejected I simply erase bad people from my memory without any remorse, I turn completely numb towards that person and go live my life with the people I still got.

But yeah I don't really have anyone to open up to like I did in this long ass rant because love is only for naive people looking for a fuck around where I grew up and having experiences of guys obsessing over me and stalking me(still being too scared to actually talk to me but having people following me around and even hacking my old messenger but yeah dark times whatever) I'll just sound very naive.

Don't hesitate on sharing if you also have one specific feeling that you are missing and just can't seem to find to the point of wondering if you'll ever have the chance to feel it.



Having too clear of an idea of what we want can make things unrealistic as nothing ends perfectly like we think it would but, not having precise ideas in mind makes you unsure and so also makes it hard to know/get what we really want.

Is Asking For True Passion Not Realistic Nowadays?
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