9 Tactics Of A Love-Bomber: Are You A Victim Of Love-Bombing?

[Fitness-Fanatic]

9 Tactics Of A Love-Bomber

Love-bombing is a buzzword used for a malicious dating trend. It's a seductive & manipulative grooming technique and a form of emotional abuse that narcissistic predators, and psychopaths/sociopaths, use to lure you into their trap to make you fall for them too fast. Love-Bombers persistently do things to maintain power and control over you. Their manipulative and controlling behavior forces you to comply with what they want. Victims of love- bombing are usually at a vulnerable stage in their life , and they have an emotional need due to low self-esteem, poor self-image or bad previous relationships. So the love-bomber takes full advantage of this by filling in all the emptiness in their victims life

1) They Say "I Love You" Right Away

They adore you and declare their undying love for you right away. Even though you barely know each other. Love is patient, it grows over time, and building trust into healthy relationships takes time.

2) They Love Everything You Love

Love-Bombers like everything you like. They suddenly have the same interests and same views as you.The similarities are uncanny

3) It Feels Too Good To Be True

Be realistic and trust your own perception and intuition. If something feels too good to be true, it usually is.

4) They Want To Move Too Quickly

Love-Bombers move way too fast during the early stages to secure you into a relationship.They speed into commitment and rush you into building trust ,and push a relationship to levels you're not ready for. They make plans to move in with you soon after you meet. They make promises and say ridiculous things about the future- about marriage, and having kids together even though you've only chatted online, or they've only been dating you for a few weeks.

5) Shower You With Gifts And Grand Romantic Gestures

Love-Bombers inundate you with gifts and make over-the-top romantic gestures. They shower you with lots of love and affection to the point that it becomes suffocating and overwhelming. They do this to win you over and so that you feel indebted to them in the hope that they can keep you around ....for the time being anyway.

6) They Become Needy, Clingy, & Demanding

During the initial stages of Love-Bombing they demand most of your time right away. They’ll do what it takes to keep your attention focused on them. They become needy and clingy and have a desire to be connected every moment of every day. Their phone calls and text messages will be excessive and they have a constant desire to be in close contact with you - either physical or virtual. Their constant need for communication crosses the line into obsessive behavior.

7) They Put You On A Pedestal

A Love-Bomber will constantly seek to stroke your ego, and put you on a pedestal. They use flattery and shower you with compliments. They constantly tell you how great you are, how beautiful/handsome you are, and what a wonderful human being you are. In their eyes, you're perfect. All they see is the good in you. All this devotion is to "hook" you and gain your trust.

8.) They "Truly Get" You

Love -bombers claim to be good listeners and encourage you to confide in them about your problems. They make you feel you can talk to them about anything. They become the only person who truly "gets" you. They pretend to care about your painful emotional wounds, but really, they have a secret agenda.They are learning about your emotional needs, vulnerabilities, innermost desires, weakness and insecurities, so they can exploit these during the devaluing stage.

9 ) The Love-Bomber Unmasked- Devaluing stage

After the initial love bombing has made you feel loved, safe and emotionally secure, the love-bomber starts to reveal his/her true character .... the mask finally falls off. You suddenly get a terrifying glimpse of the person behind the mask. This is when love-bombing turns into devaluation, it's when they start to exploit your insecurities and weaknesses.

They go from affectionate & loving to controlling & angry. They begin criticizing you, belittling you, lashing out at you, and start arguments over trivial things. They break promises, and make unreasonable demands and expectations of you.

They withdraw all their kindness and withhold contact & affection. They start using affection as a "reward" for behaviors they like, but they'll treat you mean as a "punishment" for behaviors they dislike. Love-bombers punish you often with the silent treatment.

You feel bewildered and confused because you're not entirely sure what you did wrong. You walk on eggshells, trying not to provoke them. You're totally oblivious to the fact that they have been using manipulation strategies from the moment that you met them. When you raise your concerns, they’ll point out how they're a good partner, because all of the things they did for you at beginning of your relationship while you're a bad person for not doing what they want, or what they ask of you.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes dressed as everything you've ever wanted.

#Lovebombing

[sugarchateau]

I admit to pulling everything above. Except, the 1) "I love you" and 2) loving everything they love.
Here's insight:
It was the first time I had felt sexual chemistry with a guy. (lmao I was young and ignorant) I began obsessing over wanting more rides that I had placed him on this pedestal and he never really responded so I was just fantasizing him and I had all these hopes for what we could be... So I lavished him and was over the top. But I did it because we kept having amazing sex. BUT after 2 months of that, I realized he had a personality that I didn't desire so I got turned off of lavishing him and my "mask began to show" that I was truly just a girl looking for another thrill- an inconsiderate asshole just being manipulative to get what I want. As soon as I pulled away, he began to obsess, but I still didn't like his personality. We ended up dating for 3 years... It's really lame how humans work sometimes. We get so fucked up in the head and end up deserving each other until someone grows out of their bullshit.
I can't say that I was ever perfect. I think it's better that we talk about this, because I'm sure most people assume it's guys doing this when in fact- humans are humans and all have their own personalities of fucked up.

[AuroraRoseat]

I'm not a victim, no, but I find this interesting. To be honest I don't mind number 5 (the grandiose declarations) or being put on a pedestal (if I'm his world, then he's certainly mine. Besides, I'm a Leo), but the others would definitely annoy me.

This take is excellent in realizing the possible signs of a future abuser I think. It reminds me of Jennifer Lopez's abuse movie Enough in which the man does everything perfect in the beginning and reveals his demonic side.

[Jjpayne]

I had this happen at my former church of all places. They make you feel welcome and part of the group Instantly and then they start telling you how you are to follow or behave in the church. I really love your quote by the way, "The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes dressed as everything you've ever wanted". That is so true! I really hope I am not a love bomber, I could see myself doing all those things...… Falling head over heels... but hopefully I will be able to do things at a good pace. Great Mytake!!

[D_Bone_Steak]

I would like to point out how a 'love-bomber' sticks to certain types of prey if they're doing it professionally. (Professional = doing it for pay, Amature = just doing it for themselves)

For an amature 'love-bomber' it becomes obvious that they're overly desperate for a happily ever after to happen.

So in one circumstance they're just trying to to be found out and and leave the other in disappointment, in the other they disappoint themselves from the over hype they applied in expectations.

[Logorithim]

Very nasty Manipulation. Thanks for this Take.

[EpicDweeb]

I've experienced something similar but it can't be called love bombing as it was mildly mutual and unintentional on both sides. I felt manipulated by her though many of the steps you mentioned were things both of us did.

A lot of what you've mentioned are simply phases of falling in love which in and of itself isn't always good. I think this whole thing something most can avoid safely if they have the self control to wait on their relationships and to let them develop over time rather than rushing through it.

[torken]

I agree with all but 9. I think it is partially true, but you make it sound like some sort of intentional malice behind it all.

I think plenty of people unintentionally "love bomb". It has happened to me plenty of times. To quote bojack "First they didn't know me, then they fell in love with me, then they got to know me."
I think the most common people who love bomb aren't sociopathic assholes, but rather people who haven't had many relationships with a on-paper great guy, and are overwhelmed by how great it is at first, and they don't have the life experience that warns them that all relationships lose their novelty and that can be quite jarring

[Catholicgirl22]

Yes once. The guy was saying what he thought i wanted to hear and doing what he thought I wanted him to when in truth he didn't love me and didn't even care all he wanted was to get me into bed. From then on I've been wary of self described "male feminists".

[Mac4kayla]

I had a guy like this before I started dating my current boyfriend. It was a trip trying to get away from him. The relationship got boring so quick and he was so desperate in trying to keep me. I was so unattractive what he was doing and it took months for him to stop talking to me.

[Queen-of-Hearts]

Holy crap, 1-7 totally sound like my current relationship lol! Either he's a really good love bomber, or it's not a mask-- and I'm going for the latter.

But, if he starts to act different I'll have my guard up, just in case!

[TheCunningLinguist]

This is one of the best and most accurate my takes I have read to date. I have known and witnessed handfulls of these over the years. They were just known as sociopaths or that crazy ex.

[Ex__love]

Without malice or bad intention... doesn't this sound like a lot of people here.. promising heaven to sexually frustrated women and grooming them to fall for them and then use and dominate them as sex slave

[TheCunningLinguist]

@Ex__love I believe that's another but equally interesting mytake in the making. The part where people flip the script to anger and withholding love and affection to manipulate while also getting made at their target for not giving them what they want when they want is the difference. Those are both bait and switch tactics though.

[Ex__love]

In life what goes around comes around... one day your the hunter the next you are the huntee.. through loved ones

[TheCunningLinguist]

Well stated and true. As sure as we are all to die, We will hurt and be hurt by others.

[SirRexington]

Nope. I'm too much of a loser even for someone to waste their time doing that shit.

I have had one or two heartbreaks though. I don't think I'll ever truly get over them until I find someone who genuinely loves me.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Silly name in my opinion.

It's called Borderline Personality Disorder. Let's not throw around stupid buzzwords, especially for things that already can be described much better with other words.

[Toldol2]

It is sad. This is the only way they know how to love.

[CheckPlease]

Some I just do but it quickly turned away from normal.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

That describes pretty much every female on the planet who is approaching 30 years old and feels her remaining eggs drying out.

[PrettyRegular]

If I would love her and she would treat me like that, it would be great.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

@PrettyRegular The problem is, it's all an act to get a ring on her finger. Then her true self comes out.

[PrettyRegular]

Even if I would be in my 30s, marrying would take at least couple years of dating. I think it's weird that some people rush it.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

@PrettyRegular Women can keep the act going for years if they see a reward.

[PrettyRegular]

What reward? Do you mean that she would marry and start a family with no love and then feel rewarded? I don't get it.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

@PrettyRegular Once a woman has found some guy to wife her up, she is handed ALL the power. She no longer needs to give BJs, or take anal, and will eventually stop putting out all together. Until she finds a new guy on the side. Eventually, she will divorce-rape her husband to start the whole process over again It's called hypergamy. Women lose attraction and respect for any man that is stupid enough to sign a marriage contract.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

@PrettyRegular The reward for her is half the man's stuff and a lifetime of alimony.

[PrettyRegular]

That doesn't sound fair but if their income is about even, I don't think that the woman would get any more in divorse than the man. Also I don't think people act that way. At least I don't know anyone like that.

[PrettyRegular]

I just read about the divorse. If that women got for example 150k and you got 100k, it makes 250k, it's splitted and you're actually winning. Fair deal. Of course if you are rich, you should write "no splits" to the marriage contract.

[Wifflesnoofer63]

@PrettyRegular I don't know what divorce you just read about, but it doesn't sound like the guy could claim he won anything.

[PrettyRegular]

If they calculate men's possession + women's possession / 2
It means that the winner isn't about gender but about who got less money. If I would be a lot more rich than the misses, I would make that marriage contract really carefully.

[lemmingj]

Wow there's no winning with you people. You show kindness and it's all a sinister plot.

[Emmdk]

It's only if you take advantage of us that this applies

[VixenRach]

Nope, I've never been a victim of that but it sounds awful

[clampfan101]

I walk on love like a mine field. I’m careful. (Or would be if girls ever talked to me.)

[NYCQuestions1976]

Are you love bombing me right now? 'Cause I ain't got the time... 😂😂😂

[red_knight]

These are usually the ones who say I love you first and make it so awkward that they'll force you into saying it back

[UnTruthfullLies]

This is how my relationship is now. Im very confused and a lost as of if he really still in-Love with me or just wants me here for when he feels like he does or wants something from me.

[hammeronfire]

holy shit,
why did this perfectly sum up my second girlfriend

[Ex__love]

You are not alone pal

[LongShlongSilvr]

We must have dated the same chick. 😂🤣😁

[GoldCobra]

nice take! would you be able to read my mytake draft and give me your thoughts on it?