Polygamy is better than hook up culture!

[Shezadi]

Even though I am not a fan of polygamy but it is better than hook up culture because of two reasons- identity and honesty.

At least, in polygamy nothing is a secret. At least, people know about those four wives whereas they could have had four secret girlfriends.

Having four wives is better than having four secret girlfriends.

Having four wives is better than having four ex girlfriends.

A husband with four wives is still better than a playboy with ten ex girlfriends.

Many men dump ten girls before settling with one wife.

A man with one wife might have ten ex girlfriends.

If a man has four secret girlfriends or four ex girlfriends, nobody criticises him.

At least, in polygamy, those ladies have some identity and rights.

And much better than ten short term relationships.

[Lightning8]

I can agree that polygamy and polyamory are better than serial dating, hookup culture, and even some cases of psuedo monogamy. This is given there's no abuse, cheating or extreme neglect. It's a bit refreshing even to see more people make these points.

But you seem to have only given examples of polygyny, not so much polygamy. I would have liked to see your views on women with multiple men, or with a sexual history of different men. Again this is provided without abuse, cheating or extreme neglect. In some countries, even after sexual liberation, women lose their virginities earlier and have more sexual experience and encounters than men.

[Shezadi]

Thank you.

[Lightning8]

You're welcome, and thanks for posting this Take, and for MHO

[Massageman]

I agree with your last picture, but it seems so incongruent with your thesis for this take. Neither is the way relationships should be.

[Shezadi]

Your English is amazing.

[VIVANT]

Polyamory is better than polygamy bc then everyone has power to decide who they want to love.

i can see your points about being above board, but my marrying doesn’t mean lying.. also people date to learn who they should marry.
ending up married with an abusive partner is worse then dating.

[VIVANT]

I really value our pact to be civil towards each other even we may disagree.

I now can see better why you chose to raise polygamy in contrast to hook up culture. And my response is not really in line with that point bc I was thinking you were coming at it from slither Angle. I did not assume too Much but still more then I am comfortable with.. I think I may have responded more in depth if I had not made sone assumptions. For that I apologize.

I want you to know that for all the disagreement, there has rarely -if ever been- anything you post, where I did not STRONGLY agree substantially with many facets you presented in terms of reason or sentiment..

I may not always agree in totality philosophically, but you will always have my support for your good character, strong will, incredible patience, high quality moral fiber..

I think you are courageous to constantly put yourself out there the way you do.. I believe it is completely genuine and you do not set out to harm others only share your view and generate discussion and thinking.

It is inspiring whether a person agrees with the details or not. You are an honorable person.

I think if many people were not so busy reacting emotionally and confirming their prejudice but rather took time to think things through more deeply, they too would see more of your light
💚💚💚

[Shezadi]

I want to cry right now...

[VIVANT]

Don’t cry 😢 🤗

[Shezadi]

I wish my parents could read that comment and understand what you just said.

[Shezadi]

It is just that I am emotionally abused by my mother every single day, which does affect me mentally. She turns me into a monster. She makes me feel like a bad human being. She reduces my confidence, self esteem and my sense of worth. Even though, parents are supposed to be moral support but my parents only know how to break my soul. They always treated me like competition and always humiliated, they always put me down by emotionally abusing me, they treat me with no respect. They treat me like a competition and a burden at the same time. Even when I present my views in front of my parents, they treat it like a competition, even though my intention is never to tear someone apart. It's just I am naturally vocal regarding my views but people treat it like a competition, they think I am trying to tear them apart when I am not.

[Shezadi]

My mother, father and siblings, everybody in my family treat me like a competition just because I am vocal regarding my views. I wish they knew my intention is never to tear them apart when I challenge their views.

[VIVANT]

I wish many people could understand what I said. It is all from you, It isn’t anything from me.. it is only words I write based on my observation of you.

Im sorry you experience so much difficult in your life. I recall some very terrible times you wrote of and I was so saddened and angry for you, yet at the same time quite in awe of your strength resilience and fortitude.

I am careful not to say too much bc I never can be sure at what point good wishes, become too intrusive, but I think of you often.

I really do hope the people you grow with in life will be worthy of you. in my opinion you set a very high bar. I wish you peace and happiness. You deserve it.
🌟🌟🌟🌟

[VIVANT]

{I didn’t read the rest of what you wrote so my response is only to the point where you said you wish your parents could see it..

I will read the rest 💚}

[Shezadi]

Thank you. I am speechless right now. I am feeling very humbled by your kind words. And when I read the line where you said that you think about me often, I found that emotional because those who live with me don't think about me. I am invisible for my family members, I am like a piece of furniture for my family members, I am not asking my family members to give me attention but my logic is that if my family can't love me they should at least let me live in peace regardless of what opinions they hold about me in their head. Even if they don't like me, even if they don't love or respect me, they can hold any opinions about me in their heads, but my family should understand that I have 100% right to live in peace no matter what the relationship is like or what opinions they hold about me. My mother literally emotionally abuses me every single day as soon as she sees me even if I don't say anything to her. This often leads to mental breakdown. There are cases where I am screaming my lungs out to stop my mom from abusing me because when she starts shouting in my face, it doesn't stop for ages. She can go on and on for hours and hours until someone gets a mental breakdown and begs for her to stop. It makes me feel helpless. If I stay quiet, she doesn't stop shouting and if I request her to stop after a while, she starts shouting even more. No matter how much I try to respect her, she really gets on my nerves. Sometimes, I even said to her that "mom I respectfully request you to stop, I don't want to say anything, let us have peace in this house before some serious fight takes place." And it doesn't work.

[Shezadi]

You worry about "good wishes being too intrusive" and I worry about sharing my problems too much like right now, I got carried away and shared my problems a bit too much. I think I should stop discussing my problems before you get tired.

[Reach500]

I think polygamy is terrible too because it makes love sound cheaper. Why devote your life to someone who openly considers you just an option? I'm not a fan of serial dating either, though.

[IAMRIA]

I’m now married to one man, and he wants one wife, and he realises that polygamy is open adultery. I am blessed that I found a man who is emotionally mature and raised well by parents who are strongly against adultery.
So hypothetically I would prefer to have a boyfriend and for him to have sex with me and us to break up, than to marry him and him to date 3-4 more women, because at this point maybe we would have kids and I won’t be able to divorce him, and I’ll have to live with the knowledge that he’s going to commit adultery with many women through our life repeatedly.
Polygamy is unlawful in the developed world. And there is a reason for that. The man should love, and nourish, and cherish his wife. There’s nothing more disgusting that having a husband spending one night in your bed, and next night he is having sex with another woman, and the third night with a third woman. That’s disrespectful to every normal woman. So polygamy has biggest connection to rotten heart, and being unable to love a woman.

[Shezadi]

Every situation is different. There are situations where the first wife can't have children. And polygamy is made possible because of women, women are equally responsible for polygamy, and I am talking about the second wives.

[IAMRIA]

Bullshit. Polygamy exists because those men are perverted dogs.

[Shezadi]

And the second wives are equally responsible of polygamy. Since, you used strong language for husbands, I want to tell you that women are also called "home breakers."

[Dubious]

As someone who knows many people in polyamorous relationships and has spent a lot of time in relationship/gender studies, I'd be interested in more of a back and forth with you on your views. You seem focused on a very specific type of relationship. Are you speaking only about relationships where a man has multiple wives and the main reasons are sexual? Or are you just familiar with this type of polyamory and not aware of the different types? Personally I love discussing different viewpoints on this sort of thing in a non-argumentative way. I hope we can talk more in depth :)

[VIVANT]

This was a good response.. I think I would have came from that direction but for the fact I’m pretty sure she intentional raised polygamy. I don’t think she would see anything other kind of plural relationship as acceptable.

But I could have asked.

I do think it was an interesting post that could generate a lot of discussion if there were not such intensely negative feelings towards even thinking of anything other than 1+1

Doesn’t mean you have to try it lol but it’s an intersting topic for discussion.

I have never been in a poly anything.. I am not looking for one but I can’t say for sure I’d 💯 cross it off my list if the situation arose that I was amenable towards. regardless.. I find it intriguing when people make it work. Or even try.

[Dubious]

Generally if someone has strong feelings on a subject it can feel like an attack when you discuss the alternative. I figured I'd give the benefit of the doubt, though.

Even being comfortable with the idea and pretty exposed to it, I still get intrigued and fascinated by the variety of types of relationships out there. After being raised with a certain template of a relationship in mind, it catches you off guard when that template gets thrown out the window and you see things go on ok, lol. Even seeing relationship types that I'd have no interest in has been enlightening for me. It makes you rethink a lot of preconceived notions about what "healthy" is.

[Shezadi]

Even though, I always believed that polygamy is better than hook up culture but that still doesn't mean I support polygamy.

[Shezadi]

Western people call us out on polygamy and I just decided to compare polygamy and hook up culture to call them out on hook up culture. But I am against both polygamy and hook up culture but western people can't cover up their hook up culture by talking against polygamy because polygamy is still more honourable than hook up culture or short term relationships.

[Phillythefrick]

Highly disagree. This is just me but are suggesting that all five of you are going to have interlocking visions of your individual futures? Because uh, I doubt it.
At least with hook up culture you're just out for the experience, to have fun and learn a little about yourself before finding the right person to settle down for your personal happily ever after.
I don't know who cheated on you but that wasn't hook up culture, that was your shitty taste in men, lol. I've never hooked up with someone in secret, lmfao, which is your only argument. I guess if you can settle for being 1/4 special to someone that's your entirety then fine but I have higher standards.

[Shezadi]

No one cheated on me.

[Shezadi]

"if you can settle for being 1/4 special to someone that's your entirety then fine but I have higher standards." First, you claim to respect my freedom of choice and then you just make a sarcastic comment to shame me.

[Lurdie]

I think you're confused about hookup culture babe. It means you hookup with people not that you engage with different people while having a girlfriend. What you're referring to is the side piece Culture. Where you have a public partner and many "side" partners in the dark. I dont really have an issue with hookup culture or polygamy as long as it's between consenting adults im chill

[BringCow]

Right, there's a few problems to address here. First of all, I don't know how someone is expected to find the perfect match on their first try. I guess some people get lucky, but most people are going to need to date a couple of people before they find the person they're willing to marry. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to say. Second of all, there's the obvious fact that believe me just doesn't work with the gender ratio. 4 girls for one guy doesn't work for an entire population. Also, assuming you have kids, the attention of the father is spread that much more thinly. Obviously monogamy doesn't entirely solve that problem, but it gets closer I think. Lastly, casual sex Is Awesome. If you don't think so, hit me up, and I'll definitely change your mind.

[bamesjond0069]

Polygamy IS hookup culture. Men as a whole want virgin wives. In the absence of virgin wives, is hookup culture because the women are having sex and the men are refusing marriage. But when you have situations where women seek marriage still you get polygamy. How can you get a man to marry a non virgin? By dangling the carrot of multiple wives. Now you get polygamy. But over time this causes difficulties such that women seeking to get the best husbands start reigning in sex and society has virgins again and thus polygamy doesn't make sense any more. And the cycle repeats. So societies start in different cycles but this is what i believe happens to them.

[Metallsturm]

I start to have concerns for your mental well-being, as your mytakes grow get more and more... lunatic. Considering your previous mytakes and questions and your background, I get a notion you're trying to convince yourself first and foremost with the nonsense you're speaking lately, as obviously there's a strong conflict between civilized humanity & islam fighting in your head. And apparently the latter is slowly, but surely taking over.

In any case, you mentioned having a boyfriend; convince him of getting a few more girlfriends, you'll love the experience :D

[Metallsturm]

Alternatively, get a few more boyfriends; after all a single woman can pleasure numerous men at once.

[Shezadi]

Only rich men can have four wives. Many men struggle financially to even one wife and to even raise one child. Whereas, rich men have the money to provide their four wives and children and they even provide separate houses for all their wives whereas an ordinary man might spend his entire life just to buy one house for his one wife, so polygamy has a big connection to money also.

[Metallsturm]

You miss the point: I'm highlighting much broader and important aspects of polygamous relations, such as love & feelings. Go ahead and go get your boyfriend yet another girl, we'll see how jealous you'll get once he starts struggling to share his attention to both of you equally, or when you'll start hearing her moan in another room while he's fucking her.
Additionally, for obvious reason that we both can guess ( ;) ), you're only talking about men having numerous wives (up to 4 for a well-known to both of us reason), not women having numerous husbands. Apparently such thought hasn't visited you at all and I can kinda guess you'd find it repulsive... or haram, eh?
Plus, in your response you speak only about financial matters, apparently not even thinking that all those people can work -- apparently you expect only man to work, while women stay at home like furniture, which begs to question as to why did your waste time to attend university then?

I can guess where these thoughts & "judgements" in your head stem from though, as you're not the first munafiq female having such conflicting clusterfuck in her head:

You see, muslim/pseudo-muslim men living in civilized, non-islamic society live pretty much the same life kafir males live.

While muslim and pseudo-muslim women living in civilized non-islamic socieities are expected to be like a home furniture / maid / fuckhole / baby factory with no personality, no ambitions, no goals, no voice and no desires, and her place is at her husband's feet. And normally that's how existence (can't call that "life") would pass in some shithole like Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman and any other islamic country, but there's a small problem with the place (UK) you currently live; kafir females.

[Metallsturm]

They live their lives freely, have ambitions, opinions, personality, rights, they decide for themselves what they wear & what they do and they can discard opinion of others, as they're equal humans with equal rights and their own stances in eyes of their kafir men, something that's absolutely unthinkable for muslim men. Which highly likely always caused secret jealousy & hatred in you, and you couldn't comprehend as to why you feel it towards kafirs. While you grew up in civilized kafir society, you still were raised in islamic family, which has completely different "values" than kafirs surrounding you (or at least WERE surrounding you -- Londonistan is no longer British). If you have any brothers, I can bet they always had and still have much more freedom than you, as your parents likely exhibit extreme double standards & allow them to do pretty much everything a typical British family would allow their kids (regardless of sex) to do. But not you, since you don't have cock & balls and because one Arab ~1400 years ago said so, am I right?

If it wasn't for those free kafir females around you, you would never know about any other type of life & you'd have the same miserable existence those women you defend in Pakistan have.

And I guess for 20 years you never had such a large array of opinions, some highly critical or even hostile, while talking to someone in a school, on streets, at university etc., as British are pretty much prisoners to their retarded political correctness & cancerous multiculturalism; after all, should they speak the way I'm speaking, they're likely to quickly get problems with authority (principal in school, boss at work etc.). But this is internet & arguably the only thing someone can do with "unpleasant" opinion is to report it to mod to remove it, but that's about it. Since your account is only about a year old, I guess your bubble only recently started to have cracks in it due to vastly different & extremely critical opinions.

[Metallsturm]

Hence why I kinda noted you exhibit paradoxical stances; on one hand you disapprove violence, terrorism, rape gangs and other atrocities (which Mohamed not only committed himself, but also influenced his "companions" to do and are present in both koran and sahih hadiths of such highly-regarded early scholars such as Al-Albani, Al-Bukhari, Al-Arna'ut etc. You pretty much can call Mohamed "father" of terrorism on religious basis, as such concept didn't exist before him anywhere in the world), but on the other hand you continue to defend islam, as obviously you cannot (or don't want to) to bring yourself to comprehension you've been fed bullshit & lies ever since you were born. Yet reality that you encounter constantly fuels paradoxes in you & it apparently forces you to combat it somehow, hence your previous mytake "all communities have terrorists" (which is true, I don't argue with that), but then bring up extremely hypocritical and dumb points that I've debunked.
After all if you're not a Pakistani-British (which again is a paradox and you didn't answer previously in case of war between Pakistan and Britain, which side you'd pick) muslim, then what's your identity?

And you're not the first munafiq female who's exhibiting this; I've seen it personally with my own eyes numerous times during my studies in the UK years ago, and I've seen it a few times on this website. Generally it results in female eventually, when her brain has had enough contradictory struggles, leaving islam for good and experiencing previously unknown sense of freedom and being someone, or she gives up and lets islam consume her, which results in having a miserable existence as 2nd rate human while being married to some cheating (although fucking kafir females in islam for muslim men is *NOT* haram) muslim. Bonus points if it consumes her so hard, she moves to some Syria to marry some mujaheedin or helps to cause some yet another 7/7 bombing.

[Shezadi]

You are getting too personal.

[VIVANT]

I agree that was far too personal and invasive. The post was not personal it was a question that can generate a lot of discussion on topic.

She did not ask for intrusive speculation into her person. I think that was inappropriate bc you made it personal where that was not called for. It is disrespectful.

[Metallsturm]

Perhaps, but I heavily suspect I hit the exact spot with my words. Been there, done that before numerous times.
Don't get it wrong though, I'm not trying to be rude -- that's not my intention at all.

[Shezadi]

@VIVANT Thank you sis.

[Shezadi]

Western people call us out on polygamy and I just decided to compare polygamy and hook up culture to call them out on hook up culture. But I am against both polygamy and hook up culture

[Shezadi]

@VIVANT You are one of those few people who respect me even when they don't agree with my point of view. I posted two articles on polygamy and both have been featured. However, the audience got me wrong. The audience assumed my opinion and put words in my mouth. Both articles are just an observation. In this one, I compared polygamy with hook up culture and in the other one, I said that only rich men can have four wives. These were supposed to be just observations but people assumed I support polygamy when I don't. Saying polygamy is better than hook up culture is not supporting polygamy.

[Metallsturm]

Westerners don't call you out on polygamy, but rather misogyny behind which is deeply rooted in islam & which affects your views due to your upbringing.

For example:
thereligionofpeace.com/pages/quran/veils.aspx
thereligionofpeace.com/.../women-worth-less.aspx
thereligionofpeace.com/.../wife-beating.aspx
thereligionofpeace.com/.../triple-talaq.aspx
thereligionofpeace.com/.../...charge-of-women.aspx
thereligionofpeace.com/pages/quran/polygamy.aspx

However, in case you didn't know I'm not a Westerner. I'm Russian. I dislike modern Western degeneracy (such as LGBT, "woke" culture, multiculturalism etc.) and majority of their rotten "values", yet I absolutely loathe islam as it's by far the most disgusting thing humankind has ever produced, far worse than communism, fascism and nazism combined.
However, this is a rare case where I agree with typical Westerner on something for once -- their criticism on "polygamy".

As for "hookup culture" -- I've answered in your mytake on the matter as to why it's better (I'm not saying it's the perfect option, but it is definitely better) than "polygamy" which (in your case I'm nearly positive) is built on religious grounds, not any philosophical ones.

[Phillythefrick]

Too personal or not it was a great read. She was very judgmental in multiple other posts so I see no problem in pointing out the flaws in her very set ideals. But I'm just a silly Westerner, so what would I know. Other than hook up culture isn't a secret cheating society and that polygamy distributes a very distinct, passionate, emotional power that is unbelievable between a dedicated couple throughout a series of laid-back lovers who are just happy to be around. To each their own but I'd prefer a personal best friend.

[Shezadi]

@Phillythefrick I see you have a short temper which is why you can be very harsh with your words and I feel sorry for whoever will become your girlfriend. I can see what the fights will look, you shouting your lungs out and swearing at her face by being extremely sarcastic, harsh and aggressive to a point where she ends us crying or ends in a mental breakdown.

[BlacklightShade]

If you are going to have a massive orgy the Bible says you need to marry them first.

[Shezadi]

So do you agree with the article?

[Grond21]

How is having four wives better than having four ex girlfriends? In what universe is that true?

[Shezadi]

you know

[Grond21]

You mean for a lot of sex?

[Shezadi]

It is better because long term relationships are better, especially marriage, where a woman is given identity, respect and rights. Having four wives is more honourable than four night stands.

[Grond21]

Long term exclusive relationships are better. Not any long-term relationship.
Women aren't 'given' identity, respect, and rights just because she married some guy. If you think that, then you have to think women are intrinsically inferior to men. And that obviously isn't true.

[Sevenpointfive]

i was under the impression that the chador could be stripped off at any mans request and he can have sex with them if he wishes

[zagor]

You seem to be operating on the old assumption that women don't enjoy sex, and don't WANT to play around. Not all of them are looking to settle down right away, if ever.

[Gedaria]

No. This is nothing new just a way of subjagating women. I find this do distasteful...

[Alpha09]

Sounds like he gets multiple options, and they have to share one dick. No thanks.

[bigguy124]

What if table is turned and he get one slit and you get multiple dicks

[Alpha09]

Honestly I'd rather everyone just be with who they want. Harems don't really appeal to me.

[bigguy124]

It is a great fantasy for me to be with a woman who has your views

[laura5453]

I haven't planned to married yet this is why I go to sex parties.

[bigguy124]

I need to get into those

[Shezadi]

@bigguy124 Hook up culture is disgusting.

[Shezadi]

@bigguy124 Those who go to sex parties have no self respect.

[GreenGold1992]

fuck that stupid shit

[October808]

I was wondering if you were a Mormon.

[zagor]

Yeah, those people in the first pic look Mormon, don't they...

[IAMRIA]

Shezadi sounds to me like an Arab name

[Shezadi]

@IAMRIA Hehehehe Shezadi is an Urdu word which means princess.

[October808]

@zagor Because Tony A. Gaskins Jr and Nicholas Sparks are so Muslim...

[Maria1996]

If their old enough sure why not?

[COMMODOREII]

I disagree

[DavidEtn]

Don't know