Before we get to the “yes” or the “no,” we need to take care of ourself.

[Rosexøxø]

Some people look for ultimatums (usually two) for their “stance” on love. Or relationships… as if it has to be DEFINITE. And Unmoving. Like a law.

But us, as living, human beings, are constantly growing in more ways than just one, constantly evolving, and changing throughout our lives.

Because of this, and a simple truth I’ve realized, I say we don’t have to *limit* ourselves to one viewpoint ☝️ and plan of action, in our day to day just because of strict, stone-like views. 🗿

For example, if someone ends a relationship. Regardless of how long or serious it was or wasn’t, they don’t have to walk away with a stone-like view, saying something along the lines of: “I don’t believe in love.” Or “I don’t believe I’ll find love.”

OR “I’m not interested in dating/marriage (anymore).”

When in reality, after a harsh split up, instead of forcing yourself to reevaluate what you think of love (after having been hurt by someone on the grounds of love), and deciding if you will then continue to pursue love (since you either believe in it), or don’t pursue love (don’t believe in it), you can instead, simply say, “I am choosing to take a break and not focus on love, RIGHT NOW, SO attentively, and instead offer more of my time and attention towards another area of my life.” Like work, self growth, family, friends, etc.

Why after a “bad run” in the dating game, we either want to push ourselves to become 100% cynical of love, or 100% pursue rebound sex, or revenge bodies, OR simply just revenge?

Why after we get rejected, do we not realistically FIRST grieve/process our emotions, and then move on for ourselves, instead of chasing “the next best thing.” Or that line we may have heard of: there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

I think it’s super important that we, as humans, who have real, raw emotion, and do feel the experiences we encounter, need to be responsible and check on ourselves after a “loss,” as with a break up. Just like if it were losing a relative or any other loved one, we had cherished in our lives, and/or got used to HAVING in our lives.

I think it’s OKAY not to have a strict belief or opinion on love, about whether we believe and will continue to pursue, or don’t believe, and forever stop chasing.

I think it’s OKAY to just SIMPLY take. A. Break…

And heal/recover foremost, the best we can, or at least allow ourselves to grieve for a short time-

*acknowledging* instead of *suppressing* emotions we really feel after experiencing a break up, death, or rejection.

And hit the PAUSE button on seeking fellowship/engagement with potential partners. And just focus on ourselves- AGAIN. As we had doing before the relationship.

But…

With more intention. With full effort and energy.


So don’t be like a robot or all knowing deity, abandoning dating/love, or unreasonably chasing after love in all the wrong pants, in all the wrong places. With all the wrong people.

And BE realistic. Give yourself time to process 🧠 💭 AND heal ❤️‍🩹.

Consider taking the real time to really move on.

[Zack-Bann]

Truly well said. I enjoyed reading that quite a bit


I will add one thing though: be careful about over extending the recovery / self discovery period.


Having done that myself I now feel like I’ve been out of the game for a lot longer than I should have. As though I’m “wasting time”


When the reality is I’m not


But once the wounds have healed there is always a hard step that involves getting back on the horse

[Rosexøxø]

Yes! Figuring out when oneself will try again,*** and how*** they will go about it, is super important as well. If we’ve been hurt and decided we will make use of a break, we need to remember that it may take some courage to make the effort (s) again. To try. 💪 Being scared of failure or rejection is okay to acknowledge, but we can’t ever let it define us, nor hold us back forever. Great addition!

Now that I read it and think about it, I’m not sure how I’d incorporate if to this post, which was to highlight an importance in: not rushing to make decisions or create strict opinions.

I’d say a worthy conclusion might be: don’t rush to make decisions. Allow oneself to heal. But just as much, do not be paralyzed by fear or blinded by comfort/routine, so much so, that we’d never try again, reaching for the things we BELIEVE are worth having in life, as with love. ☝️ ❤️ 🌎

[wynning]

Nothing to add, just wanted to say it was a lovely read! Lot more widely applicable than just relationships too in my opinion. Thank you for putting this up~

[Rosexøxø]

Agreed! I feel like sometimes we want to hurry and have an opinion on certain topics cause we want to feel we are older/mature/wiser enough to know the truth, when presented with certain questions and unknown information/data. But it’s not always about being right/perfect/knowing. We still have to experience, process, learn, and LIVE. Since we’re not Ai ourselves… and instead a living species with *interactive intelligence* and FEELING, we need to be kind enough to ourselves and realistic minded enough, to the point we let ourselves to actually just LIVE. 🌎

We can’t always rush to the answers and tell everyone the list of stuff we know. Or want to know. We need to process, interact, and engage.

And when it comes to the delicate matters of love and relationships. It’s so crucial/critical we not only process, as I previously described, but let ourselves heal ❤️‍🩹 .

Aside from this, I was hoping what I tried to convey/express would be grasped by those who read it, and they can glean beneficial messages from my post. See the positives and apply whatever they could to their own lives.

Your reply gave me the confirmation + reassurance that my points discussed, were well received.

Thank you!! 😊 🙌 🙏 💯

[Finchie40]

Great read, but to be honest, there isn’t really a set time limit in life and in relationships and love , we can choose to focus on ourselves after a break up and choose to take time for ourselves if we choose to , or we can choose to accept someone else into our life immediately after a break up as well, whether they are a rebound or not , so there really isn’t any right or wrong way to do things, because no matter what we do in life , there will always be some judgmental asshole trying to rub their 2 cents together thinking they know what’s right or wrong for you , when clearly they don’t know shit about your personal life whatsoever , so no matter what happens after a break up , it’s up to you on what you choose to do , just because you might jump into another relationship with someone else it doesn’t mean you made a wrong decision , just because you took time for yourself after a break up , doesn’t mean you made the right decision either , because their could be a person that was waiting to have a chance with you , that might turn out to be the best partner for you , without you realizing it. So not all rebound relationships are bad. I dated some girls’ immediately after I got out of relationships before that already had interest in me when I was in a relationship , that ended up showing more interest when they found out I was single again. Some of those rebound relationships sometimes turned out to be a great relationship with each other. One thing I learned from life is that tomorrow is never promised, so I try to live my life the best way I can and as happy as I can , because before I know it , and we all know it , it’s over. Love how you want to be loved treat others the same way you want to be treated in return that’s all we can really do in life , there isn’t really any right or wrong way to do things. Passion and Love is a cray thing and sometimes makes us do crazy shit for it. If it works out in your favor? That’s all that matters , fuck what other people think or say about your own happiness ,

[YourFutureEx]

There are three problems:

• The problem is often within you or your choice of partners
• Self care/growth may not address the problem
• The span of the break

We may not necessarily blame the concept of "love" or "relationships". We may still believe that love and relationships are good and the problem is us. Even after our best attempts, when we fail, we start blaming ourselves.

That something is wrong with us. And when we reach for help, we are told to work on ourselves like "offer more of my time and attention towards another area of my life. Like work, self growth, family, friends, etc."

That's not a dig at you, that's what happens to all of us and I'm not blaming the others either. What can they even suggest us instead? The problem arises when someone actually implements self care/growth and even after doing so, they fail again! Because getting stronger, richer, more attractive may not fix your personality. You may make the same mistake in the relationship again and your new partner will leave you. Making you question if all improvements you made were even worth it.

And even if it does, you may not know when to stop as Zack-Bann mentioned and even if you do stop, you may get addicted to the solace and stop finding it worth reentering the dating world as the reward to efforts & risk ratio may not justify your status quo.

But hey, I reread your myTake again and realised that I may have taken it too far as it was meant to address only the first step in the healing process - stop blaming and start healing. And a lot of people may be struggling with it and they should really listen to this!

[mobiusforniner]

I learned my most unhappy relationships occurred when I did not have a vision of self. I suppose, in some weird way, I was inwardly thinking or hoping the other person would fill my need - physically and/or emotionally. And therein was the conflict - my entire approach to dating and relationships was predicated upon the idea someone had something to give ME. Love in such manner, was conditional. It was inherently selfish. Taking a break for several years allowed me to focus on myself and develop a vision of ME at which point I no longer sought someone to fill my void; but I rather eager looked to fill theirs. Love, at that point, transformed from conditional to unconditional

[Gwendoline]

I was taught growing up to be the best version of yourself every day and do the work that needs doing love will find

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah that’s great advice to have 🙌💯

[blackeagle007]

Couldn’t agree more. This is good stuff

[queenofcardio]

Time can be healing yes