Don't Play Mind Games or Change Yourself

[Anonymous]

I have read many questions on GAG that ask for helpful opinions on how to be liked by a girl. The worst kind of advices I have encountered are:

1. Turn into a bady boy. "Girlz luv 'em."
2. Ignore her. Chase her. Repeat.
3. Don't be super clingy. Don't text or call her everyday.

Anyway, I don't think that any of these advices are reliable. If a girl can't accept you without your mind games and altered personality, then dear guys, she is not the one.

I am a firm believer of being yourself. Even if you put on a facade and play mind games, for how long can you be a person you are not? If you are playing such games to trick her into liking you, then it won't be late enough that she'd lose interest in you when you will show her your real personality.

"But girls love bad boys!"

Guys, think long term. Go for girls who accept you the way you are. You don't deserve to change yourself for any girl, and no girl deserve to be changed for a guy.

Finally, stop complaining about being in the friendzone. I know it sucks. I have been in the friendzone as well. I have put many guys into friendzone as well. And no, I won't pull them out of that zone if they do any of the above written three awful advices. I am seeking a connection for the long term basis. I don't want a guy who has to alter his basic personality for me. You just gotta accept that some people can't be interested in you, and there will be someone who would appreciate you for the way you are.

Be clingy, be nerdy, be nice, be spontaneous, be dangerous, be happy, be any fucking thing for as long as you are comfortable in your skin and glad being the way you are. Wait for the girl who would embrace your awesomeness!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

The place from where you are speaking is correct, you are emotionally correct in what you are saying. But you are practically incorrect.

The truth of the matter is, if a guy isn't having success with women, he needs to make changes. That doesn't mean become a player. But something about the guy is unattractive, whether it be in his looks or his personality, and if he doesn't address it, he'll continue to have the same results.

I'm paraphrasing someone in saying this (Einstein maybe? Can't remember) "The mark of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results"

As a guy, you have to take 100% accountability that you aren't having the things in your life that you want (for women too, but I'm usually inclined to lecture the guys, lol).

If you continue to "be yourself" -- well guess what, who you are right now isn't cutting it. You need to make changes.

Your looks are overwhelmingly in your control. You can update your fashion. You can get a trendy haircut, grow facial hair, go to the gym, learn good posture, learn how to move your body attractively, etc.

You can improve your personality. You can learn to be a better conversationalist, learn to respond to other people's emotions better, become a warmer and more accepting person, just generally improve your social skills, improve your ability to read body language, learn how to be more passionate about life, learn how to be more secure in yourself, grow in greater virtue.

You can do all of those things and have it be from a secure and healthy mindset. You can become the best possible version of yourself that you can possibly be. And **THEN** you can just be yourself--because you'll be one awesome SOB by then, lol

So, I agree with you in spirit, disagree in terms of action ;)

[bloodmountain1990]

Agreed. You don't have to have to pretend to be something you're not but if you're being yourself and not having luck with women like you wish, then you gotta change your approach.

It can be tough when girls are initially attracted but then ditch you without any sign and not tell you what you did wrong.

[molan]

Well said @ScruffyNerfHerder , I am opposed to faking it, but I am pro actual changing for the better.

You are absolutely right :)

[myTake Owner]

I never denied the fact anywhere that we should not improve ourselves. As we grow, we change. We should always strive to improve ourselves. My main focus in the article is not to alter your basic personality. If you are a nerd, be it. If you are a party animal, be it. Don't change the things you love about yourself for someone else. But yes, if you can't form a connection with a girl, then you really can't blame your personality. Sometimes, the connection is not just there. I know a guy who dresses coolly, who is really polite, cute, caring, loving, flirts a lot, complements a lot, etc. etc., but I have never felt the chemistry with him. Even if he would change himself, I can't force the chemistry, right? On the other hand, I felt chemistry with a guy who dresses casually (not much efforts), and is just being a really good friend and nothing else, but the chemistry was still there. SO, chemistry and connection is a very strange phenomena.

[daydnconfused]

Thats cute i dont like games and im donne playing i am way too old for this shit

[myTake Owner]

I guess no age group should play mind games. Love is some serious shit, and mind games ruin it's purity.

[allstarsdude]

The friendzone is a joke. No such thing if you ask me.
Instead of saying "friendzoned", say that you aren't attracted to them (and let them know straight up). If you "friendzoned" someone you're possibly attracted to, there's always a chance they'd turn into dates.

[allstarsdude]

Other than that, I agree with the rest of your comments.

[myTake Owner]

I guess friendzone exists when the chemistry is not there. Like I stated in the article, if the connection is not there, we can't force it.

[allstarsdude]

Only if someone is grotesquely unattractive, will chemistry never develop.
Instead of saying "friendzoned", it's better to just say "friends" - and make it clear to your "friend" that you don't find them attractive.

[allstarsdude]

Some of the most successful marriages I know of happened between friends who weren't attracted to each other for years.
Friendzoning is an utterly narcissistic and condescending concept of today. Just listen to your words: "I have put many guys into friendzone as well. And no, I won't pull them out of that zone "

[myTake Owner]

Sometimes, the chemistry is just off. I have used the word friendzone because that's how we put this phenomena now a days, otherwise I don't think I am superior to a guy in any way and has the right to make him feel that he is unattractive. I know a guy who is attractive, caring, gentle, polite, caring, etc, but I still consider him just a friend. Even though he likes me, but I can't feel the connection there. I tried to make it happen at times, but it was in vain. I have given it enough time but still got nothing. On the other hand, I have another friend who is an equally good guy and somehow, I have always felt the chemistry to be there since the day we started talking.

[dcuber3]

" Wait for the girl which would embrace your awesomeness"
Love it.
I have always been a believer of being yourself.
I personally have tried to be cool and all and yes it works but dosent last long.
Great work. Keep it up :)

Good clinch to end it b

[myTake Owner]

I am a firm believer of being yourself as well. It will take you to the person who doesn't 'want' you but 'need' you. :)

[Braveheart4321]

This is fantastic, and so true, why would anyone even want to be with someone who doesn't like them as themselves, that will just strain the relationship and make it difficult to maintain. I am a massive nerd, and if I tried to date a girl who hated nerdy things I would be miserable, and she wouldn't know the real me. ALWAYS BE YOURSELF.

[myTake Owner]

Yep. :)
I read many questions where people get conscious for being a nerd. But what if a girl accepts you for being a nerd. That will be something great. Otherwise we all can alter our basic personalities and change the things we like about ourself but end up miserable.

[BlueSkyStillBlue]

I think your advice is well stated and applies for most guys. Personally, it doesn't work for me. When I "be myself," I end up talking excitedly about things that interest me, and less excitedly about things that don't. I talk about chess, soccer, video games, rubik's cubing etc. The date tends to go much better when I both put on a "cool guy" persona and omit talking about my nerdy stuff.

[myTake Owner]

We all love to talk about the things we are passionate about, but if you are not willing to talk about anything that the other person wants to, then it can come across as being self centered. It's not exactly a good quality to have. So learn to maintain a balance. Show your passion to the girls (nerdy stuff) but learn equally excited to know more about them. Knowing them will help you in long run.

[phantom-Joker]

I don't play mind games. The last 2 girls tried mind with me. Its not very nice. I immediately told them, to get lost.

I think people that play games, are really stupid and pathique people.

[myTake Owner]

I don't respect mind games. Live is too short. When I would like with a guy, and he's using mind games at me, I would get frustrated instead of being curious.

[phantom-Joker]

fair enough, But for they are a no show, If first sign of trouble, she is gone, bye bye We are adults, not children in nusery school. How are you to suppose to build a relationship around mind games?

[phantom-Joker]

I really like your article. Its very good. I agree with you 100%. More people just read this.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you! :)

[phantom-Joker]

Your welcome :))) If you have anymore articles, keep them coming. I have read a lot of your comments, you sound like you have your head screwed, a wise young lady. Which I can say, not many people do lol.

[phantom-Joker]

You certainly have your head screwed on, when it comes to relationships. :-))))

[myTake Owner]

Ah. Thanks! :D I was quite nervous to post my first take, and hence I used the anon option lol but if I ever realize some good thing to share, I certainly will.

[phantom-Joker]

thats good, I hope to be seeing them in the future. take care.

[phantom-Joker]

Tip, don't make articles on how to attract the opposite sex. Men and women are not subjects, we are individuals, that's why most those articles never work. If you do, you might get a lot of people disagreeing with you.

[myTake Owner]

I won't even touch that topic. Lol. I guess different things work for different people. One person might prioritize kindness in their future partner while the other may want a practical person. In fact, I never fully agree with such articles.

[phantom-Joker]

Thats very true. I can tell you know what you are talking about. I think a lot of people can use your advice, on relationships.

[James0]

It's just being yourself is not the best advice at times, I belive being the best who you can become allows a person to grow

[DawnWatcher]

I agree. Being the best version of yourself is the best way to be yourself.

[myTake Owner]

I agree. We can always improve. We improve by adding other good qualities and improving existing good qualities and cutting down bad qualities. My main focus is on the mind games that we play. Moreover, changing yourself as if totally turning your personality into a bad boy or a player to be liked by a girl.

[myTake Owner]

And I have written that we can be anything for as long as we are comfortable in our skins. If you achieve this comfort by improving yourself then go ahead. But improving oneself and changing our basic personalities (good ones, of course) are two different things.

[soneoak]

Putting your best foot forward, because you get better everyday. There shouldn't be a "best version of me" there should be "better version of me everyday"

[Paritosh23]

What about "If you are getting the same result all the time, change the way you are doing it " ?

[myTake Owner]

You can change your approach on how you approach a girl, but still, it doesn't mean you will change your basic personality (a good one, of course.) And, the ridiculous mind games like for how long should you wait to text her back, or deciding the days on which you are going to ignore her should be vanished.

[Paritosh23]

Well, I think basic personality does not change , no matter how hard someone tries. I am trying that since year now.. Because with BASIC PERSONALITY , people always leave me after some days.

[myTake Owner]

See, you have to do some introspection to see if you have any bad quality. You might think you are good, but sometimes you have some major flaws that you don't know how to tackle. Start knowing yourself more. Otherwise, you might try to approach a different type of girls.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Exactly, this is so true and what I have generally been saying over most of my opinions.

[R3d_Anonymous]

This basically cleanly sums up sort of the philosophy I have been following regarding dating.

[myTake Owner]

It's great. At least you would know that you have found a girl who loves your for truly who you are.

[luvme56]

but... girls like bad guys?
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lol... so true!

[myTake Owner]

It might apply for young girls. But remember, not all girls are same. If a girl is looking to date someone for a long term basis with a hope to get married, she will be much more mature and won't fall for the Bad boy trap.

[luvme56]

ya... i know the fact that immature girls always choose the douche bags... but later regret! anyways nice take!

[nine-rnc]

Love bad guys for few months! Then bad guys continue hand jobs! There are some stupid girls but they would most probably end up dramatically like in most movies I guess!

[Byakuyarko]

I don't know... Being cold rude sarcastic works for me...

[myTake Owner]

It can't work for your whole life.

[Byakuyarko]

Oh I'll probably get by...

[RalphBlack]

Chasing a woman the worst thing a guy can do.

[Ulyss]

Amen brother

[myTake Owner]

If someone wants to be in your life, you don't have to chase that person mindlessly day and night. Little chase would always be there during the initial relationship, but it should be from both the sides. And from chase, I mean, initiating contacts and dates to spend more time with the person.

[R3d_Anonymous]

This take owner is so right.

[YourFutureEx]

I respect mind-games.

[myTake Owner]

Being a girl, I don't.

[YourFutureEx]

I respect healthy* mind-games.:/

[Gabby21924]

This is really accurate

[myTake Owner]

Thanks! :)

[auljackoftrades]

Thanks for the concerning advice, love.

[purpledragon]

I agree! Well written! 😃

[myTake Owner]

Thanks!

[haddleduddle]

This. Be real.

[myTake Owner]

:) :)

[Unit1]

Good take!

[myTake Owner]

Thanks! :)

[front2back]

Good take.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks! :)