Don't Play The "Blame Game"!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts, views and beliefs about why there's so many issues with relationships whether it be between couples, gender, or race related... You don't have to see it my way, you can disagree, but please remember we're meant to be adults, so keep it respectful, Thanks 😘...

I'm human, so I get it. I get it's easier to place the blame on others, than to think it's something you did/or are doing wrong... But easier doesn't always mean the better way. By blaming others, you'll never get to the real problem, the real truth, the real solution....

I've seen so much blame being thrown about on this site. About why people cheat, about why men/women treat each other so disrespectfully. The blaming others itself is bad, but when it's done with such hypocrisy it just makes it all that much worse.

Maybe before people try to point fingers, they should remember a few things:

*Don't hold people to standards you yourself don't keep....

I've seen people blame the person being cheated on/divorced for picking the wrong person or liking the bad boys/bad girls UNTIL/UNLESS it happens to them...So which is it? Either we're all capable of being fooled, or we're all to blame for our choices, not just one gender or the other...

*Practice what you preach...

Don't expect people to respect you just for being a man or a woman. Earn that respect by being a decent, respectful person. Don't say people judge you unfairly and then turn around and do the same to someone else.

Don't use being hurt, used, mistreated as an excuse to hurt, use, mistreat others, use it as a reason why you wouldn't treat someone else as horribly as you yourself were because you should remember how you felt when someone did that to you. It shouldn't be a justification to do it to others. Why punish an innocent person for what someone else put you through?

And lastly,....

*Take the blinders off...

People, stop trying to fit everything in just one category or another and realize people come in all different sizes, shapes, and colors. And what might not be "your thing" doesn't have to mean "wrong" just "wrong for you".

Open your eyes, ears and hearts to the differences in others. Let others decide what/who they want to be in life. Worry more about what you yourself want in your life and remember, we all have differences we all have flaws. Don't reject or shame others for theirs but expect people to accept all yours.

In a world riddled with chaos,a little compassion for our fellow mankind..

Peace ✌🏻 and love ❤️

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘🤗

[Lliam]

Just this morning, I said something to my wife about something, I don't even remember what it was. She replied "I know, everything is my fault." I hugged her from behind and teasingly replied "Oh, you know that isn't true." And she replied "True, it's your fault." I laughed and said, "I knew that's what you really were thinking." And we both laughed.

Sometimes I might do something like, I don't know, spill some food, for example, and I'll snap at my wife "It's your fault" just to tease her. She'll do the same thing to me sometimes, too. Or we'll blame the cat. You have to have SOMEONE else to blame. LOL

I understand the seriousness of what you were talking about, though, my friend. And I agree with you. People who do rotten things but refuse to take responsibility are ass holes. It's even worse when they try to put responsibility on their victim. That's gas lighting. It's what narcissists do.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well said! Once again we agree... But in future, I think I'm good save reading your answers till having a hot flash to bring the cold front/hell froze over moment in 🤣🤣🤣 always love your answers ❤️❤️👍

[Lliam]

Thanks you, beautiful brains. You're so fun.
I love the idea of helping to mitigate your hot flashes. My wife went through that and it was horrible. I had to do the ice challenge thing to her to keep her from spontaneously combusting.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣 the things we do for love LOL

[Lliam]

That's no shit. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

💩🙃🙂

[Massageman]

Great post - lots of good points. Hopefully, people will heed your reasonable request, Brain! Even the Bible agrees with you !!! naaarrrfff.

Matthew 7:3-5
Why do you look at the splinter in your brother's eye, but not notice thebeam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' while there is still a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Luke 6:41-42
Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? How can you say, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' while you yourself fail to see the beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you!

[amadimal]

A lot of things would generally improve if people would start taking responsability - for who they are, how they behave, what they do. Sadly, getting to that point is so difficult :(

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But admitting that is the first step ❤️❤️🙂

[collie22]

who's ever not there gets the blame right.. really we should never give false witness that's what i try to do , but sometimes i screw up

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

We all screw up somewhere at something, cuz we all human after all

[collie22]

i try

[MrWolf]

Sure i do agree this is the correct way.

But sometimes I'd prefer to blame the person so he can see his own mistake. And as a person who prefers to never spare the truth it's the lesser evil. Because if you just pass let it go and don't say something later on you are the one being blamed because you didn't say something about it. So tell the person and Whether he admits it or not then is his problem.

And it's not because I'd enjoy pointing fingers. But if I'd make something bad or do a mistake I'd prefer that to be pointed out and something being said about it.

Because just gulping down ain't healthy and not saying anything at all sometimes can lead to an bigger issue.

Let's say we live in a world where no one blames anyone it's going to be a mess. And thing's will go out of hand because we just let it slide and move on.

That's not how life works. There isn't an easy mode here.

So you are at work you make mistakes, do wrong things and nobody mentiones anything. Give jt a little time the mess is bigger. Doesn't work that way.

A relationship fails sure I'd go trough my steps and see my wrong doings. But if something bad is done to me as a person what I'm supposed to forget and turn the other cheek nahhh. Not going happen. And in next relationship I'm be more careful and sure as hell will not accept same thing twice.

Did someone ask himself why his behaviour is like that after something bad happens. Because that's the real you man/woman that's you out of the box. Only in those moments we show our true colors. Whether we accept ourselves and move on that's another thing because half the world and even more wouldn't admit who they are indeed. Sure all are gonna say nah that's not true. Yeah get hurt next time and look in the mirror that you there.

So as we must be humble and kind let's not forgot why Predators Hunt.

There are no perfect people out there. Never will be.

Be kind but to yourself and from there it will come your behaviour towards other people. We spend our lives rushing trough them and we forgot the most important thing to take care of ourselves and actually live a little.

But that there you see in the mirror when you are angry that's you and nobody else. Same applies for happines/Sadness and all other feelings. Same old you.

People will never change they just adapt and continue with the same behaviour and same act but with few new tricks.

Just my thoughts.

And most people that hurt us actually doit on purpose & few without knowing! And then to blame yourself nahhh... And be a better person hell no the one which hurt us needs a shrink.

Thanks for reading through my mindless thoughts.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm not saying don't blame an individual for their own Negative actions. But to blame all women this or all men that for actions or behaviors they're not guilty of is ridiculous, same applies to race etc.

[MrWolf]

It applies but don't think most behaviours are not intentional.

[Spade07]

TMDR and I didn't read the MyTake either lol. But I think the point is to be on the other persons side. Not so much avoiding blaming. Blaming others makes them feel attacked. The key is to be on there side while still bringing up mishaps. in my opinion it is something that must be mastered for a healthy marriage.

[ChiTown33]

I wholeheartedly agree. I used to know this woman she would say how badly she was treated by past guys she was with i tried to be understanding that she was dealing with a lot of past baggage. So things at times might trigger those bad memories but it got exasperating if i said even a word that an ex of hers said all of a sudden i was exhibiting behaviour of that ex and she'd pull away. Eventually i had to walk away because i always felt like i was being made an enemy in an offense that i never commited. It was sad to because when it was good it was great. But it didn't feel like she was ever going to get passed it. And now i wonder if i was added to her list of bad ex's
I guess my question is what do you do in a case like that? Was there any hope for us? What do you do when all the trouble is seemingly in the orhers persons head and rooted in the past?
And what do you do if you feel like rhey're putting it all on you to fix it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️I dealt with a guy that anytime you called him on his behavior, like lies, he would try to play the typical female, it women can't handle the truth shit... I handled real life finding my husband dying on the floor, I think I can handle any truth sometime has to say 🤷🏼‍♀️ prior make excuses to not put effort into a relationship and if something going seeing it's easier to blame you than to admit to any wrongdoing on their part... Like the cheaters who blame their partners... Men/women that blame the opposite sex instead of looking to themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

[_lost_soul_]

What if you identify your wrongs but the other person's wrongs are actually greater? Example, what if you messed up and focused so much on work to bettwr provide and lost site of the small things and rather than making a strong approach to communicate neglect, he/she just sought for it elsewhere and cheats then gets pregnant? Then got the nerve to say you weren't around? I've been in the military and heard a plethora of f🤬d up stories and excuses. I believe in karma and if you do dirt you get dirt. But if you were faithful, trying to better life for your partner, and he/she cheats, I find it hard not to throw shade, blame, or point fingers.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well yeah in a personal relationship. But in the actual person responsible. People user that as an excuse though to turn around and do that to others, or to say all women will cheat. I feel bad whiten people get cheated on. But not bad enough to be okay with being labeled as a cheater, liar, golddigger, just because I'm a female.

[_lost_soul_]

I respect that and agree. The same thing can be said about other things that are wrong with society like race, culture, etc. I don't know you, but you seem like a gem, but when society glorifies hoeying in videos and other social media platforms, it's no wonder why it happens. Honestly, it doesn't help when girls post sexual comments and pictures trying to get famous. I apologize for the long response and if it doesn't make sense... it's been a rough week and tequila hits my system differently than vodka.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

It's okay I'm guilty of long replies myself 🙂 and tequila hey 🤔 It's been a minute since I've had tequila

[David92506]

I enjoyed reading your comments and gave them a "thumbs up." Every self-help guru tells us to stop blaming society and other people for our problems. We need to start being accountable for our actions. Sadly, there are so many people today, and groups, that blame society, and others for their problems.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you! And agree 💯

[Jaximus-Lion]

I wish my brother's could read this! I bet she is busy being perfect and right at the moment plus it is written in some stupid language too that no body knows nor read, that would be waste of her diamond time. I have tried so many times to reach her but she is a real life mission impossible to discuss with.

I LOVE IT

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you ❤️

[DocT1977]

Here is the thing. Though I am in agreement with all you have written, my statement will be short. When it comes to men and women alike, the complaints are the same no matter which team you bat for. They really are. The key to fixing any problem is to look inwardly and outwardly. Forethought can eliminate most of our problems, even societal ones where no one owns up to anything.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Agree 💯👍👍

[Jjpayne]

I totally agree! In therapy they encourage to not say you, but I, I feel this way. You use your feelings and personal experiences. That is much healthier and safer to do rather than pointing the finger. However, gender is a tricky thing... I suppose the way to get around that is to not point towards a gender but either towards current society or your own personal experiences

[ManHater]

I'm a liberal and a democrats and I blame everyone but myself because that's what we do. We believe in large governments to control our lives there fore if we commit crimes and rapes it is the fault of the state that we were not given the proper tools to preoccupy us.

[SirJohn42]

I dont just blame my ex. I blame myself for allowing her to do everything I had such low self esteem. For the sake of marriage and I dont hit women unless im defending myself from certain death.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right! I don't just blame my first husband for physically abusing me, I blame myself for how long I stayed and out up with it. But I didn't use that to hate or blame all men. Had I, I wouldn't tif had the second that lasted twenty years, my two daughters and now my grandson🥰

[SirJohn42]

Sorry you went through hell with first guy.
But glad you have a family thats awesome.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well my hubby pissed away little over 7 years ago, but still have my girls and grandson

[frostedmyflakes]

In principle, unrelated to your specific, i love absolutely love the blame game. I often blame others for my problems. I'm so bad.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣

[frostedmyflakes]

I can't see what you wrote, emoji's was it?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah laughing faces

[nelly83]

honestly, people who play the blame game never ever have successful relationships.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's true

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

People need to take a look at themselves rather than blame others

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Right!! Thanks for reading ❤️🙂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Brainsbeforebeauty You're Welcome :) <3 :-D

[douride2]

Great post there. It is to bad more people don't think this way.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks! ❤️❤️

[TonyMetal___86]

Nice take miss brains muffins and i 100% agree on it 😌

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks ❤️🙂 have a muffin 🧁🤣

[TonyMetal___86]

Yeaaaa MUFFINS 😀😋🧁🧁🧁
Also a bite on the spongy forehead 😬

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No just muffins

[TonyMetal___86]

I want the spongy forehead too ☻

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😛😛😛

[Wiredone]

Very nicely done. I couldn't have said it any better

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww thank you ❤️🙂🤗

[Wiredone]

You're welcome.

[krin_m]

Very well expressed. I have to confess, there are time when it is harder than it should be (not to play the blame game) but I do try very sincerely!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I admit for me too, but I more blame life or myself than others

[princeofromance]

The blame game has disaster written all over it. Nobody wins in these kind of situations.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Exactly!!

[jerdanro]

Well I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's all your fault. 😂 great post.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

it's always my fault 🥺 LOLOLOL 😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

And... Thanks 💛🙂

[jerdanro]

You're welcome.

[TaeTaeTeaBTSSS]

The text is so good I like it. I wish many people could understand this

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you!!!❤️ and thank you for reading 🙂

[TaeTaeTeaBTSSS]

No problem ❤🙂

[JosyJosy]

ngl, I usually blame the asker :D

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂