Mental Illnesses: How to Bring It Up and Be Prepared for a Relationship

[SamanthaEvansu]

Mental illnesses are the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. It impacts the person who is diagnosed and how they function and is something that cannot be helped nor controlled. However, this is fully dependent on the person. They can be emotionally vulnerable or perhaps have behavioral issues. If you are diagnosed with a mental illness, the two big questions that people ponder on are: am I ready to be involved in a relationship? And, how do I bring it up to my partner?

These are the two big "elephants in the room" as my teacher once put it. To people who are not diagnosed with any sort of mental illness, it can be a bit scary or worrisome. The possibility of stress and anxiety building up as well as distancing themselves from you is present. However, the possibility of acceptance and care are there as well. It is essential to be prepared for any of the previously stated outcomes when telling your partner.

*What I'm about to say is solely based on my opinion and personal experience. Just keep that in mind and don't assume these need to be followed and are factual statements.*

A year ago, I ran an experiment among men to see how they would react when I told them I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and visual and auditory hallucinations. For a specific set of guys, I told them straight up the first time I met them while I got to know and waited for the other set of guys. Most of the guys from the first group completely cut me off and ignored me while the majority of the second group of guys accepted me for who I am. Opinions might vary, but I highly recommend you wait to tell your partner. Let him see your wonderful personality and how amazing you are and wait till the time is right to tell him. And the number one rule when telling him is to not drop it on him like a bomb. Don't come out and say, "Did you know I was diagnosed with...". Instead, have a nice chat with him and tell him either an experience that got you anxious or a sad moment and bring it up casually. "Today is not my day. I got to work late and my anxiety is building up" sounds a lot better. For a smooth transition, repeat that every now and then. He'll understand you have anxiety and your bad days, and he'll try to make it better.

(I will emphasize once again that what I previously said is solely based on my opinion and experiences. If there are any guys reading this, drop your opinion below and let us know other scenarios and how to bring up mental illnesses!)

As for asking yourself whether or not you're ready for a relationship, you need to be emotionally prepared for the good and the bad times you will have once you're romantically involved. I've recently started dating and my boyfriend can either help or contribute to my anxiety and depression. The best thing to do is to avoid overthinking, be mindful (in the present), and love yourself. Take a deep breath, enjoy the moment, and love yourself before you love another. It will help you out in the long run.

This is all I have to say for now, so again, guys drop your opinion below telling how to bring up a mental illness and girls, let's provide our opinions for the guys as well regarding the same topic. And if you have a mental illness (and if you're comfortable with saying so), tell us in your opinion. If you have any experiences with mental illnesses and relationships, let us know in your opinion! ^_^

[girlandhermusic]

There are different “strengths” of mental illness that could be mild or “severe” and they should be dealt with differently. My brother has Down’s syndrome and he’s 18 but still in kindergarten. :,( He’s still vibrant, happy, and likes to learn but he can only learn so much. My family does not expect him to have a gf/get married. On the other hand, I know a girl who was adopted and has a very mild a learning disability. Although she’s 18, a lot of teens have a hard time accepting her because she can be immature. I try to hang out with her but she can be hurtful. And there’s the type that many people complain about, people who are disturbing and/or can be dangerous. I knew a guy who had sexually assaulted girls in the past and had no concept of managing money, people, or anything else. He wanted my family to adopt him (he only asked families with girls). My family gently refused. He approached me and I was very firm and when he sees me now he calls me ma’am lol. I was friends with a neighbor whose mother was bipolar, and even though my mother tried to comfort her, she killed herself. I think that people like that should be dealt with kindness, but I would not marry them or be their gf. However I would do my best to help them. If there’s no need to be afraid, I would not be afraid. Sorry I rambled but I have a passion for this.

[dimfireball]

Wow. That's amazing. :))

[Xelebrum]

I think the reason why the second group of guys (or at least some of them) were so accepting of you is because they had already invested in you emotionally and would feel like shit if they just left you because of that, so they felt like they HAD to accept you for who you are. The guys that you told from the beginning didn't have that sense of "obligation", so they didn't feel guilty for cutting you off.

[26ukdude]

depression, anxiety, and visual and auditory hallucinations suggest a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia, that is very different from simply having standard depression or anxiety, or something like OCD.
A loss of contact with reality and the unpredictable nature of psychosis would make it much harder for someone to come to terms with dating a person with it, rather than a neurotic illness where the sufferer still has a grasp on whats going on and isn't likely to need to be hospitialised on occasion.

[SamanthaEvansu]

Scizophrenia actually "runs in the family" ^_^" (I am not one hundred percent sure if it's genetic or not).

[26ukdude]

i believe genetics do have a big part to play, they aren't the ONLY factor but the closer the family member then the more likely it is to be passed on, sorry to hear that, most girls get it a bit later than boys, such as in their twenties instead of late teens.

[Mustachekitteh]

I'll just straight up say "I have adhd" normally most don't see it as a big deal or even believe that even exists. So once they see the symptoms they will get the wake up call on if they want to deal with me or not. Normally I never tried to make myself better with any other guy i dated because i learned I honestly didn't care about them really. I was in love with the fantasy of what a relationship could be. Now With the guy I'm with I've been trying very hard to not let my ADHD control my life but work with it and not let small petty things freak me out anymore. I want to be better for myself and for the guy I'm with. I don't want my disorder cause me to lose him. So the guy I'm with has seen the very worst of it all. I'm surprised he didn't run for the hills, lol. Im glad he never gave up hope on me. :)

[Aroura]

i think it depends on the severity of the illness, i have some depression (not diagnosed) and insecurity issues, i am matter of fact when they come up, but i don't go out of my way to share because i can generally self regulate. for example, when i'm in the mindset of "i can't do anything right" i will explain to the person i am with that i am having issues, and that it is nothing to do with them (assuming this is truth, as it usually is) and that i just need to be able to work it out, and that they can help by not bringing up imperfections in what i am doing at the time, as i am very aware of them. some of my friends have not been around when something like this happens, and so they do not know right now, as i feel as if they don't need to know as it probably won't affect them.(only two or three know, and they are free to share if they think it necessary, i've told them this)

[TadCurious]

From your first paragraph: "Mental illnesses are the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. It impacts the person who is diagnosed and how they function and is something that cannot be helped nor controlled."

This is false. It is precisely because mental illnesses largely have a neurochemical basis that they CAN be helped and controlled. There are more and better drugs for the treatment of mental illnesses than ever before, In 5 years there will be even more. And 5 years after that. For the person reading this Take who feels like there is no hope for feeling better, I say that there is, and don't believe what the writer here says. Mental illness CAN be helped, and it CAN be controlled.

[LilWeezey]

Drugs dont always help each person reacts differently to them so her statement isn't completely false

[Pinkbeauty]

I had a mental illness were I had seizures as a baby then I had to have surgery for it when I was 6 and I been seizure free since and online Iv had a hard time trying to find frieands who excepted me for who I am and then I was able to find frieands that did exsept but Iv had a hard time in the past with dating guys online and now instead of me dating I resintly dasided to to a frieandswithbenifits type of thing with a guy online on imvu since I knew a reletionship would be to hard on me and when I told the guy that I used to have seizures as a baby he excepted me for it and was ok with me being specilneeds

[Anonymous]

I am currently talking to someone that had depression for 5 years, he's only started to get better since finding the right drugs to stabilise his emotions. He told me about it few months after we initially started taking. At first I freaked out and I told him this, I have never been exposed to someone with mental illness so I was very ignorant. So, started to read up about sever depression and my attitude started to change, I am still talking to him I think he's a great guy and if shit goes down hill for him again I am prepared to help him through it. So, I agree wait it out before you drop this on a potential mate.

[Creole_Flavor]

I think if someone has a mental illness that they know of then they should be upfront about it. Having been with someone that have multiple mental illnesses and not finding out until it was almost too late I wish I would have known it would have saved me a lot of time, confusion, and pain.

[Northeast106]

I know this is going to sound awful, but I would be the guy from group 1. I just don't trust people with serious mental illness. I have people in my family that have it, and when they have too much to drink they rage mode and do stupid shit. I want a partner who is stable, sweet, and responsible. Someone I can trust 100 percent. Mental illness, depending on the severity, can be dangerous.

[SamanthaEvansu]

Well it is your opinion, and I completely respect that! :D Thank you for sharing your perspective (and I can relate ^_^" my family has a history of doing not-too-bright things when under the influence and battling with their own inner demons)!

[Roycaryn]

I've come to see depression less of a disease that requires curing and more like nature's cruel way of informing that all of your relationships are terrible at the moment and that you need new/better ones. It's just a variety of pain for me now. Things like therapy and medication can help lessen it, but it won't disappear unless you get your own life sorted out.

[Kerbie]

My girl Hannah who i only recently got back together with was sectioned a few days ago for mental health and she's now getting all the help she needs to get back on her feet do i love her any differently now , nope I remember telling when we got serious that i would always love her unconditionally through thick and thin , cold and it would always be Kerbie and Bumbleebee (My petname for Hannah)

[Anonymous]

I think I mostly agree with you. It's scary at first if a girl drops a bomb on you like that. It's like a danger to your health or something. But if she eases you into it then it's easier for the mind to process and accept.

Also, side note: crazy chicks are awesome in bed. No offense. :p

[JackKerouac77]

What if society is the one that has the chemical imbalance?

[Anonymous]

My first boyfriend knew about my depressive moments. He had his too.

My second relationship i told him a few months in he told me he didn't want to hear it.

I haven't told my current one. I dont feel the need because personally i haven't felt any depression since being with him.

[Frost_Byt3]

What if i am a guy, and i want to confess my mental illmesses to a relationship? In the opposite situation, are women equally accepting?

[prettylittledancer]

here's what an anonymous user posted not 20 minutes ago aha... i find it answers your question :) :

"I am currently talking to someone that had depression for 5 years, he's only started to get better since finding the right drugs to stabilise his emotions. He told me about it few months after we initially started taking. At first I freaked out and I told him this, I have never been exposed to someone with mental illness so I was very ignorant. So, started to read up about sever depression and my attitude started to change, I am still talking to him I think he's a great guy and if shit goes down hill for him again I am prepared to help him through it. So, I agree wait it out before you drop this on a potential mate."

[SamanthaEvansu]

It varies. If you want to bring it up, wait a bit to see her personality and how she acts towards certain things. If you get a comfortable vibe from her, I say go for it and tell her (again, don't drop it like a bomb. Just ease into it). You just need to wait till the time is right and base it off who she is as a person. Personally I am accepting of people with a mental illness because I know how it feels. If a person can relate to you, they are more likely to accept it than push away like some of the guys did in my experiment.

[Frost_Byt3]

What about if you had depression but have gotten over it? Is it necessary to tell your lover if you used to have it? And would she care (since you don't have it anymore)?

[SamanthaEvansu]

I believe you should still tell her. The chances of relapsing are possible (not saying it will have an 100% chance of occurring, but still it's good to take precaution first). Secondly, it's best to know about your past and what you've dealth with. Some things can cause triggers such as saying we are no good and so forth.

[allmenaredogs]

if you have metal illness, forget about relationship. it's God's sign that you won't need it. just be gay (happy)!

[front2back]

If a girl can't accept my OCD or at the very least tolerate it, I don't think things were going to workout anyways.

[Xelebrum]

I'm pretty sure that your OCD would have to be very extreme for it to harm a relationship.

[VioletCouple]

I'm also crazy. A little insanity is exciting, as long as she knows how to pretend to be normal in public. People are brutal.

[Anonymous]

I honestly believe that good sex can keep off mental illness!

[Marstalk]

Keep off?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, sex is an antidote for mental illness.

[dartmaul15]

This is very true. During sex your body release a mixture of hormones where some of them are known for helping against depression (to mention one).
Note that it only applies to some mental illnesses.

[tenofthepeaks]

it depends, it should be brought up as early as possible.

[Anonymous]

If someone doesn't accept you for who you are they're a fucking bigot and good riddance!