Why I'll Make Him A Sandwich

[KBob93]

I am a woman.

That being established, as a woman, I feel it's my sovereign gratification to be needed by men so that they're blessed to live the lifestyle they want because of me. I don't mean being used. I mean being a prime factor in his happiness.

I don't take it as an insult when a man asks the cliche question, "will you make me a sandwich?" Of course, I'd want to know what he wants on it when I do. Reason being is because he wouldn't have his sandwich without my benevolence. He wouldn't have his room picked up if it weren't for me. He wouldn't have his tea made or his back rubbed if it weren't for me. This is empowerment to me to be able to provide for him what he wants & needs, not in the same aspect that he can traditionally provide, i.e., paying for dates or giving me rides wherever, but in my own aspect outside of the monetary realm (although I like getting a guy flowers!).

I don't see anything "degrading" about doing these things for my boyfriend or husband. And I understand there are varying opinions from my own. This is just my feelings on my own niche-not role-niche as a female. To me it's an equilibrium I want upheld. I desire to be supported, & I retrospectively desire to make him happy.

The man I'm with in the future, I'd want to say to let me bring you a bowl of spaghetti when I insist to do it while you're on the couch. Don't pull your feet away when I lift them & sit down with them on my lap with the intention to rub them. Doing these make me feel the way you feel when I ask you to help me open a pickle jar or lift something heavy, or when there's something weird going on with my car or computer. Things like making you food or putting your clothes in the wash do not make me feel degraded, or put down, they gratify me & are synonymous with the things you do to make me feel special.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a very healthy attitude about the way a healthy relationship is suppose to work. Wanting to take care of the other person, and be appreciated for it is something most guys can relate to. It is the same reason most guys don't mind working long hours to provide for our women financially. I have never heard of a woman feeling the same way but it is nice to hear that there are women out there that still feel that way.

It is okay for a woman to say what you are saying, but if a man said the equivalent he would likely be attacked on here for it. People would accuse him of being insecure in his masculinity, wanting to control women with money, or thinking women shouldn't have the same opportunities as men, just because he likes certain things his relationship similar to what you like. As a result you may not realize how in demand women like you really are. I think most guys looking to get married are looking for women like yourself.

The only happy long term relationships I have ever seen sound like the one you are describing. Unfortunately our society is trying to pretend like these very natural feelings and desires are wrong. Society makes it seem like degrading or sexist for people to want these types of relationships.

[aamy811]

Feminist here. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do those things especially if they make you happy. Key words are want to and happy. You shouldn't feel like you have to so this because your the female and shouldn't do this if you don't want to.
its completely normal and okay to want to help your partner. But if they tell you thus all you can do or that if you have to do something because your the female, then that's not okay.
Traditional relationships are fine as both parties are okay with what happening. I'm mad when I see woman I countries where the are forced to do these things and hurt if they decide to pursue their own goals. But if your both cool with it of right ahead.
Because feminism is all about women being able to do what they want with themselves

[genuinlysensitive]

Tell this to all the feminists who harass my friends because they are "objectifying" their stay at home wives.

[aamy811]

@genuinlysensitive
If they hate men then don't call the feminists call them mysandrists (it literally means one who hates men)
It can be very difficult to determine when someone is doig something because they genuinely want to, or because they know they have to and are deciding to keep the peace by pretending they want to. And I could understand how they could be hypersensitive to this, this is just like how some people get freaked out when a women wears a hijab forgetting that she can choose to wear one

[genuinlysensitive]

So then feminists are misandrists, or they just don't care as long as the women don't hate other women.

[aamy811]

@genuinlysensitive let's do a thing called use a dictionary. Okay let's go!
Feminist: one who believes in women's equality
But wait oh my god, no where in the definition does it say the words hate or men. Wow, that means people have been using the wrong word.
Misandrist: one who hates men
But the words feminist is nowhere to be found.
Wait so that must mean they're two different things. So you can be a feminist and you can be a mid frost which aren't the same things.

[genuinlysensitive]

Ah if the Dictionary was the Bible you would be the biggest bible thumper around! To be perfectly honest, I am seeing little difference in the way you both skillfully cherry pick different passages of your respective books to support whatever Mission you are on.

It is wrong to use Bible verses to condemn gay people while making yourself look self righteous. Using the Dictionary to condemn those who disagree while making yourself seem self righteous is equally wrong and equally troubling.

The Feminist movement condemns stay at home wives and mothers and their men. Then they send out the PR reps to try and smile and bullshit people into thinking Feminism is a tolerant movement, even as other Feminists are harassing those men and women that have chosen that lifestyle. If you really are for equality and "those" are not real feminists then what have you done to stop their sexism? Nothing? Odd, its almost as if you approve of such behavior...

[genuinlysensitive]

On a side not you are slipping,

You wrote "women's equality" letting everyone know that you really only care about women and not at all about men, while this is true and I commend you for it, it kind of dispels the whole"feminists are for equality"
myth you are trying to spread.

[aamy811]

@genuinlysensitive that wasn't really a slip up. You can be a feminist, a machoist and an egalitarian. Who you support isn't only limited to one person or group. Also feminist movements can positively effect women. Maine feminists don't believe that things associated with women should be shameful, so when a boy cries or wears pink it's not awful because feminine things aren't bad. And women being able to work is awesome so now boys with single moms have a source of income.
Every person whose ever taught me about feminism growing up told me that I can choose whatever ever path I want in life as long as it's what I want to do whether I wanted to stay at home it be a carter women I was told to get my education because knowledge is power and I encourage everyone to get their education whether thy want to stay home or go to school.
Everyone is facing with sides. Whether it's being a homophobe or not, being racist or not. I'm going to go on a whim and say your not a racist or homophobe but

[aamy811]

I bet you haven't been to any lgbt+ or civil rights marches lately. Nope I assume not. Not being a person who supports hate is more than enough. Going to marches, making posters and anything else is extra stuff that's encouraged. Just like I am with you I try to get everyone to think of feminism as somehow that fights for women's rights and I do that on this sight almost everyday. I share feminist positive articles I read with friends and family. And I will raise my kids I understand that feminism is awesome and great and isn't a hate group.
If I said white people are racist you'd probably say that's racist. Yet they're the cause for the international slave trade, the colonialism in Africa and India that's left them in financial ruin even to this day, and the brutal slaughtering of native Americans. But through basic reasoning I can acknowledge tons of good white people do so I can't deem all of them racists because that's dumb an I'm open to the idea that people who dont openly

[aamy811]

Acknowledge being proud of being white as being a racist

[therussianconcussion]

i hate feminists and so do all the males i know.
you say its about equality for all the sexes but we all know that is bullshit.

[aamy811]

Dr. Martin Luther king is one of the greatest civil rights leader in history. He spoke of peaceful protest. He led thousand of peaceful nonviolent cermands, matches, sit in, and boycotts all to show that they just wanted to be able to peacefully coexist as equals
While he Did that there were many other black "civil rights" groups that spoke of racial superiority to white and people and about leading with hate and violence.
So many white people looked at these violent groups and decided that civil rights is about racial dominance no matter how much he preached. Instead of looking at the peaceful actions of thousands they choose to look at the violent actions of a few. All they needed to do was watched hat he did an say, and crack out a dictionary to know that he was speaking of true civil rights.
No here we are in the same scenario again. Looking back we know all those people who believed civil rights was only militant and hateful, we're wrong. and I ask you, how May times do we need

[aamy811]

@therussianconcussion

[Minxxie]

As long as that is completely your choice and what you wanna do than good for you!
It would freak my boyfriend out though he says men who are doted on too much end up acting like spoiled children. I thought he was being silly until my own grandpa exhibited the same behavior my boyfriend was talking about! At Thanksgiving everyone was fetching their own plates of food which was set up buffet style in the kitchen then bringing their full plates to the dining room but my grandpa just sat down at the dining table and said "who's going to serve me my meal?". My grandma was busy and kept stirring something or another. And he just kept repeating "someone needs to serve me, who is bringing my food?" like a bratty little kid. Our guests looked horrified it was so embarrassing and I know my boyfriend has a very low opinion of my Grandpa after that. It's great to want to make someone happy and do nice things for them but make sure not to spoil him too much! I know I'm guilty of having very little self control when I see something my boyfriend would like I just have to buy it! He's the same way so I get where you are coming from. But my grandpa won't even feed himself now if my grandma doesn't leave him a sandwich in the fridge he just eats a cookie then complains about being hungry! He's certainly capable he's a grown ass man and he's far from senile he still builds cars as a hobby! It's like he's forgotten how to be an adult.

[koko124]

"It's great to want to make someone happy and do nice things for them but make sure not to spoil him too much!"

That goes for literally everything in life. There's always a small bit of negativity that ends up optimizing a response. Kind of like you how you have to feel sad to be happy, or hungry to be full.

It's omnipresent in biology, and it's known as "hormesis".

[Minxxie]

whether you want to get all philosophical about it or not my grandpa has no reason to act like a literal child.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I was kind of worried at first that you were going to talk like a brainwashed woman from the 1800s or something. But I was pleasantly surprised.

I love to serve. I like helping others, I just need the motivation to do so.

If and hopefully when I get into a relationship I can see myself wanting to do things for him/her just to see them relaxed and happy. Not because I believe it's my role as a woman or whatever, but because I love to do things for other people. Especially if it's appreciated.

Just so long as your partner doesn't start expecting things from you, or you take it too far and give more than you can, than I applaud you for putting this out there. For risking any negative comments.
Good luck.

[Ozanne]

I do all of these things too. That's just the kind of woman I am. But really, in the privacy of our own home, no one knows that this is what I do for my husband, or the traditional masculine things that he does for me lest be judged for it. I never thought it was anyone's business to make a point of telling people that this is what I do. Together, we operate as a harmonious, cohesive unit together, doing the things we love to do for each other. But like you, these things make me feel as though I'm needed, and I know he loves it. Nothing wrong with any of that. :)

[AleDeEurope]

If that's what makes YOU happy, do it. I would also do some things for my girl that some people ("people") will complain, call me "unmanly" or whatever, but I don't care. If it makes her happy, and I don't feel degraded, or she takes advantage of me, I'll be happy.
The problem with your attitude is that some guys will take it for granted, some will take advantage of you and just be a parasite. Be careful with this, cause in the end that happiness you started with will slowly turn into unhappiness.

[Accipiter]

Good take. It's actually sad to see how society has gotten to the point where statements like this need to be written. Making a boyfriend a sandwich if he asks is no different than a guy giving his girlfriend a footrub is if she asks. It's all about giving and exchanging favors in a relationship, not some sexist bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Someone wanting to fulfill traditional gender roles. Thanks. You know all these people who want to deny gender roles never deny them when it disadvantages them. I've seen very few women want to take on traditional males like mowing the grass, moving furniture, or car repair. Nothing wrong with being egalitarian but for most females that seems to be men keeping their traditional role and taking on the roles females don't want as well. I can't even count the number of guys who do everything including cook for their wives now. Even my brother has fallen victim to this. He's doing everything while his wife drinks. So he has to change the brakes on his car and cook dinner. I guess that's social justice. We got to get back at men for stuff they did 100 years ago.

[Phoenix98]

Well now this is nice to hear a very nice take ( my kind of women ) but you should never deny help from your husband either though remember a relationship and a marriage is a partner ship everything you do for your spouse they should do for you in turn.

[KBob93]

I mentioned asking him for help with things, but yeah, totally along those lines. I feel they add up.

[Phoenix98]

Mhmm.

[Remonster]

'Serving' to others to make them happy can simply be very rewarding. There doesn't have to be more important reason than that. :) But I do think it should be a give and take thing. You make me a sandwhich and I'll give you a massage when your back feels sore. Those sort of things. Or simply make you something to eat in return, you get the idea. :D

[KidanisCortes]

If your man is a good man he works hard treats you like a princess and takes care of you then he deserves at least a sandwhich and a foot rub. But ifhe is a football watching slob who expects you to be his mom just run him over with your car, we dont need those

[KBob93]

Exactly. :) I want him to fix my brakes in my car if need be & buy me cute things & stuff like that.

[YourFutureEx]

You're a very progressive and down to earth woman.
I hope every girl would possesses at least 40% of your common sense, but unfortunately the replies below depict how dark the future of humanity is.

I'll propose my girl for marriage like :- "will you make me sandwiches?" XD

[GoodDogNigel]

*Sammich

But anyways, I think that it injects some much needed equality into relationships. I would never DEMAND a sandwich, but if my partner made me one, I'd feel pampered and would appreciate it and her immensely :).

[Prettygurl12]

No thanks. Not how I get joy and purpose out of life.

[Unit1]

Very nice take and good insight :-)

Oh and... "Why I'll Make Him A Sandwich " - Because you love him and love it to support him :-D

That sandwich looks tasty, I'd add an impaled olive on top of it.

Your next (or current) boyfriend must be lucky I suppose. As long as you are not enslaving (if that's how you may or may not feel later) you'll know when to stop, right?

[Anonymous]

Sure every now and then, but don't become a slave. He can make his own sandwich sometimes. Just like I'm able to open a pickle jar sometimes.

[noboobsbonnie]

Good point. I think a good man will appreciate this. But honestly, don't do these things for a man who expects it. I used to do all this for an ex, too. I used to make him food, give him massages, pick up after him. Then it gets to the point where he's right near the kitchen watching TV and you're at the other end of the house, and he calls you repeatedly to get something from the fridge for him. These men just don't seem to realize women get tired.

[InLoveWithMissWrong]

Someone wanting to fulfill traditional gender roles. Thanks. You know all these people who want to deny gender roles never deny them when it disadvantages them. I've seen very few women want to take on traditional males like mowing the grass, moving furniture, or car repair. Nothing wrong with being egalitarian but for most females that seems to be men keeping their traditional role and taking on the roles females don't want as well. I can't even count the number of guys who do everything including cook for their wives now. Even my brother has fallen victim to this. He's doing everything while his wife drinks. So he has to change the brakes on his car and cook dinner. I guess that's social justice. We got to get back at men for stuff they did 100 years ago.

[Jersey1]

My wife spoils me. And frankly, I spoil her in many ways too. We are happy.

[Anonymous]

Nice to see someone who thinks like me. I somewhat feel, as a female, it's my role to look after and support but not in a slave way, where he gives me orders, but in a loving way

[Chick180]

Totally agree. I never understood the big deal with this to begin with.

[PT1911]

Guys down voted this

I'm confused

[Chick180]

They probably didn't even read the opinion, just downvoted cuz' I wrote it lol
@PT1911

[therussianconcussion]

theyre not guys, just females using male accounts on this.
cause i dont know one guy who would be like: "no, dont do your share of your work while i do mine, let me do it all princess"

[Chick180]

Lol, I think they just downvote cuz' it's me.
@russianconcussion

[Chick180]

@therussianconcussion ^

[MrChadeo920]

Dang, where have all the women gone that also think this way. That's hard to find these days. Some women feel like the man should do all that because they owe them something. Anyways good take. Some women can't even cook these dates 😂

[MaiNameIsSunshine]

I love how you justify your opinion it's very well explained😊.