Do I own my cheating ex gf an apology for spitting in her face?

[StimpyI]

I broke up but I'm not proud about spitting in her face when I found out the extend of her cheatings.

She cheated 10+ times during a period of nearly 5 months out of our 4 year-old relationship. It was with someone she kept saying it was just a friend.

But I've never been this rude to a woman before. Yeah she's remorseful and all that but I'm done already. Still not sure if I should apologize for this. I will not be getting back but just felt like saying it was overdo still.

Updates

+1 y

I'm already starting to feel so shitty. I've never spat on a woman's face before ever in my life.

[Betwyn]

When I read the Question, I had one answer.. then I read the update...

Yes. Apologize. It is clearly eating you up.

My original answer was..

Imagine the roles flipped.. you cheated on her, she found out, and spit in your face.. how do you feel? What would you want?

As Polonius says in Hamlet, "to thine own self be true"

If this is something that bothers you.. it doesn't matter what we all think.. if we all cheer your action and tell you good job.. but you loathe yourself in the quiet of the night for it...

Make amends.

[SecondChoiceSweetPea]

No, I'd spit on her too. I support your spit. She deserved it just like all cheaters do - cheaters are one of the lowest forms of human being. They don't have the courage or the integrity to work out relationship problems with their partner and just act out of selfish immaturity. She deserved it, move on to someone who will honor your relationship and your feelings.

[StimpyI]

Nice to hear your point and I guess I'll just leave it that way though this was really out of my character. I know the right thing would have been to simply tell her it's over and walked away but ok it's done. I'm going to do that if there ever is a next time with another cheater.

Just like you, I've always hated cheaters but never thought I would ever encountered it first experience. The only stupid part is I really thought she was the one. Though I'm never going back to her, it sucks that I still have feelings for her and do remembered all those good time we spend. Now it's like all nothing but ghostly images now. All done. Shattered. Sometimes I just wish this was just a bad dream.

[SecondChoiceSweetPea]

My boyfriend now was previously with a girl for 7 years. They were engaged, even. And then he found out that she had cheated on him multiple times with other women! But they broke up, he forgave her and now he's with me. His memories are part of who he is, just like yours will be. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you have much better experiences in the future.

[StimpyI]

I hope so because I don't know what I did wrong at all. I was raised the same way my father and grandfather were. I know perhaps some might find this outdated but when I can, I still hold the door open or give up my seat on a bus for ladies. Always would pay on the first date.

Overall I treated her right or unless I might have been too kind then I don't know.

[heavensgift2girls]

Your grandfather was raised in a time when women were dependent on men, and pretty much had to treat their husbands with a certain level of respect even if he didn't deserve it. Women were basically at the man's mercy. That is why men like your grandfather were taught to treat women so well. Times have changed and women are no longer dependent on men. You can't assume what worked for past generations will continue to work going into the future.

Ideally men should show respect to women, and women should show respect to men. If that flow of respect is only flowing in one direction then it is perceived as weakness. Never treat a woman with more respect than she treats you. If you do all you will accomplish is inflating her sense of entitlement.

[enigmatta]

You don't owe her one. She's such a vile human. 10+times! Dear lord. A spit doesn't hurt as much as being cheated on over 10 times. It wasn't an underdo. But that's just my opinion, I can get pretty intense at defending my name.

[Account]

No. I wouldn't apologize if I were you. She deserved it. If that's the only thing you did when you found out, congrats. I have to say that you handled it better than the majority of people.
I am very sorry.

[heavensgift2girls]

I would much rather have someone spit in my face than to be cheated on 10+ times like she did to you. You messed up a little, but she messed up a lot. While two wrongs may not make a right, I don't think anyone can blame you. If she hadn't gone out of her way to betray you, over and over again it never would have happened. Anyone can be pushed too far. In the end she brought it on herself, and is lucky that is all that happened to her.

[StimpyI]

I was raised to never hit nor raise my voice at a woman but yeah now I get how something like this can really push someone to react. Oh well hopefully I'll get over this fast and find another girl I can trust, one that won't cheat. She honestly didn't seem like the girl with the bones to cheat but I was mistakenly. It really sucks I didn't see this on time.

[heavensgift2girls]

You were taught that so you wouldn't become an abusive man, that constantly beat, and screamed at his wife, but I think you took that lesson a little to far. Sometimes you need to raise your voice to be taken seriously.

[capncool]

What you did was a bit childish, but I honestly don't blame you. Chances are she's only "remorseful" because she got caught, if she was truly remorseful she would have come to you immediately and begged for your forgiveness after the first time cheating.

[Stark]

No, dont apologize. She deserved a lot worse than what you did, you feel bad because you had/have feelings for her. If you apologize, you imply she didn't deserve it, but she did. I don't condone spitting in someones face though, but you've chosen to do it so you can't go back.

[StimpyI]

Ok I won't apologize. She wasn't mad at me when I spat on her but has left a couple of sobbing messages on my cell. This is like a nightmare to me. Just when you think you have the best relationship, it's a lie. It's like you're with someone you never knew, that can't love you at all.

[Stark]

I know that feel bro! Not that its any consolation but you will get over it eventually

[Agrojag]

No. She deserved it and more. Cheating on someone to that extent is heinous. The act was the physical manifestation of the hate and disgust you must have felt. Don't feel bad. It was warranted. In fact, she's lucky to have gotten off that easy.

[StimpyI]

Yes, I was deeply hurt beyond belief and even started crying after leaving. I haven't cried since 6th grade and the last time I got hurt badly was when a friend turned into my bully for a short time (then we made up but it was never really the same).

At that moment, it's like all those feelings of betrayal and unwanted where coming back again but to a much worse degrade.

[Arwens-Fire]

I think you should apologize for spitting in her face MAINLY because ultimately, it didn't really change anything OR make you feel better. I would only apologize for that and then never speak to her again.

[knotme]

i think spitting in someones face is really degrading to that person, yes i think you should and i think since you are asking this question you are feeling alitte remorse also. I'm not condoning her behavior at all

[bubbiexo]

I wouldn't apologize. It doesn't matter if she is remorseful... If she felt bad she wouldn't have done it 10+ times.

Don't feel bad. Move on with your life and thank your lucky stars that you found out what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't apologize, she doesn't deserve one. Spitting in someone's face is gross and childish but it also sums up the amount of contempt and disgust you must have felt about what she did, don't feel bad about it

[StimpyI]

Yes I've never been this upset and overly disgusted before. I just couldn't believe it was happening that I was shocked too. What I'll never get is what I did wrong. I know I'm not perfect and have my flaws just like anyone does but I always tried to be a very understanding guy and never asked for too much.

[Opinion Owner]

most of the time you don't have to do anything wrong for someone to cheat, some men and women are just so self absorbed and lack empathy towards their partner, others don't consider themselves as really cheating and some are just players. It's the luck of the drawer and u can never know what someone is capable so don't even start blaming yourself for not seeing signs.it's entirely her fault, she should have left if she wasn't happy

[StimpyI]

True and yet I'll never know when she felt unhappy. Cheaters are so unpredictable. Just when you think everything is going so well, you have the right person and barely any arguments at all it happens.

[Anon0001]

If any guy spit in my face he'd been outta there in no time! Cheating or no cheating that is unacceptable and childish.

[Anonymous]

Came across this question because I did the same thing to my ex who was sneakily sleeping with my coworker and he also had another girlfriend… So I spit my gum on him after finally bumping into him at a club after a year of ghosting me. We both run in the same circles, so I feel like a lot of people are mad at me for doing so, but they don’t know the extend of the pain he caused.

[misscocobutter]

It was terrible of her and terrible of you to spit on her. Maybe just move on and try to forget it

[zombiebabe]

no need to apologize; she betrayed you and was bitchy

[Hipsterusername]

Spitting in her face was not a good thing to do in my opinion but no you shouldn't apologize.

[lamebabe]

I personally wouldn't apologize lol

[Anonymous]

It's done with, move on.