How do I make my girlfriend feel safe with me?

[Anonymous]

My new girlfriend (shes 16, I'm 18) is really insecure about boys. Just the other night I was complimenting how beautiful I think she is and how happy she makes me, and she just shrugs my compliments off like it was nothing. It made me a little pissed and I got in a little grumpy mood which made her sad.

Suddenly I see a tear from her eye and when i mention it she start crying her eyes out saying she doesn't know how to handle relationships, that she doesn't deserve me and that every other boy that has complimented her like that had left her soon after. I then hold her and told her everything was going to be alright and that I would never lie about such things. We went for a walk at like 2 AM and now everything is okay again..

How can I make her feel safe with me? Seeing her in tears makes my heart break :(

Just had to get this out some how. ^^

[makingAdifference]

time is the ultimate proof. the longer I spend with the guy, in deep conversations about beliefs, futures, what I want to do for gap years, why I like a certain color, ect. not just kissing loads but not talking about what bugged you that day, or how school was difficult today ect. . Basically I guess the more I know someone the more I open up to tell them more about me, the things im afraid of showing them come up last unless I break down and cry alittle, then secrets like that come out. So I guess I empathise with her as I understand what she's going through, I've been the same, from complete disbelief, to trying to work out why a guy would say that etc :/ sorry guys, some of us girls just don't trust that easily, my last boyfriend just one day broke up with me, said a whole load of things that were ment to be my fault and I believed him, its taken me these last 9months before I started getting interested with guys again, and this one guy who' been with me, my friend the whole way through and im now going out with him, but im still inda anxcious :/ its been more than a month now though, and im starting to feel alittle safer each time I see him :)

[Asker]

That sounds really nice :) I hope you will some day feel completely comfortable with him :)

[makingAdifference]

thankyou, he's a much MUCH better boyfriend than my ex ever was :)

[Asker]

You live and you learn to pick the right ones ;)

[VikingHel]

I can empathise with her. I've had compliments given to me, but they were scathing when I thought they meant it. And these where guys from in school. Nowadays, I react the same way in uni from anyone who compliments me.

Just show that you are a good guy, that you do mean it, truly. Try a little compliment, simple ones and move towards bigger ones. Don't pressure her too much. And importantly, be yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice :)

[Blondeandfree]

Respect her in every way. Don't you ever press her to do what she doesn't want to, be polite, sweet, romantic, be alert in every detail. And most of all be yourself.

[Asker]

I haven't pressured her to do anything she doesn't want to do. thanks for the comment.

[croxy]

No matter how you feel about it, this is positive, it's things like this, and how you handled it, that will make her feel secure about you (over some time) so dont expect a quick change though

[Asker]

Thanks :) She's been through a lot.. and thanks for the comment.

[Anonymous]

You can't. All you can do, is be yourself. Don't try to fix her (it will frustrate you) and don't try to rescue her (it will annoy her). Accept her for who she is, and be yourself.

[Asker]

I'm hopeful she will come around :) Thanks for the comment.

[BertMacklinFBI]

you gotta prove it to her over time. let the trust build up.

[harakiri]

This. Sticking with her is the ultimate proof.

[Asker]

Yeah.. Time will heal a broken heart or something like that. I just have to tread lightly.

[silly09]

Just give it time; show her you're not going anywhere. Words don't mean much in this case.