When a guy says he's worried he doesn't measure up?

[Nevaeh32]

If a guy tells you he doesn't want to be with you because he doesn't think he measures up. Is that just an excuse or is that actually how they feel? Because if the girl clearly wants to be with him why would he feel like he doesn't measure up?

[mshaker]

it can be an excuse. Or it can be that right now in his lifetime he feels like he doesn't make enough money or isn't done school to get a super amazing job that you and him know he's capable of.

Just be friendly, its nothing against you, he clearly said its his fault on his end, lol so don't worry, im guessing the timing wasn't right and maybe one day in the future you guys will be back together. But don't sit around and wait for it. You might date another 5 guys after him and then meet him later on in life when he is more established and believes he can do what he has to provide for you and the family he wants and is striving to achieve.

[Nevaeh32]

Ok that actually brings me to another question! if I were to go on a couple dates a while after this happened how would he respond to that? Would he be more likely to come back or would he be hurt and not come back?

[mshaker]

K what? If you went on a couple of dates? With other people? Look hunny I don't think your understanding. He has re-released you into the wild. Aka he has returned you back to your natural habitat. Allowing you to do w. e you want. If you go on a date with someone, he doesn't have a say in being mad, or being sad, or being anything. All he can do is be happy that your happy. :) that's all. Who cares what he thinks, how he feels, he has told you what he thinks and how he feels? Get what im saying to you? aka he has stated that he is not good enough for you. So don't be hurt, its nothing with you, its with him. All you have to do now is find someone that works with you. If your hurt, cause I can tell you are, you need to acknowledge the hurt and tell yourself that I will not fall for someone that will bring me up and one day just drop me off like that. God has shown you more of what you want and what your looking for. You just have to acknowledge it, and take your time getting there.

[Nevaeh32]

:) I will move on its not a problem for me. But yes I am extremely disappointed because I really do like him. But I know you're right and if he isn't going to work with me then I shouldn't worry about how he feels. I guess that parts just hard cause its so fresh. lol thank you for your advice!!

[mshaker]

You have to let it go to start a new. EVEN IF, you were to date this guy again, you have to be able to forget what he did in the past, to move and build a stronger future together. I can tell your hurt, you don't have to play fake and act like your not. Just make sure you are happy with yourself and don't have any hurt feelings when starting a new relationship. Cause you will take a lot of that anger out on your new partner if you don't get rid of it.

Other then that, you shouldn't care about what he says or does, unless one day he calls you and you feel like talking to him. But that won't happen unless all the pain is gone.

[Nevaeh32]

Ok, thank you!

[Theguyoverthere]

Most guys these days have grown up being told they need to "live up to a woman's expectations." Many girls have a very inflated sense of who they are. So guys who have not caught onto this have asked numerous girls out and then when they're "failed" they've been told they need to "be better people" when it's really just the girl flaunting an ego about how great she thinks she is. The girls these guys have asked out just have control issues.

[TrueCountryGal]

He's a keeper for sure! When a guy really truly cares for you, its natural from them to think they don't deserve you. They only want the best for you and feels that he is not that. Its just a way of showing he loves you!

[Nevaeh32]

:D Thank you! I hope so! lol

[BertMacklinFBI]

you truly are a True Country Gal:D I like it!

[TrueCountryGal]

Trust me, its true!
Lol, I am for sure (:

[SüßeJäger]

I think most guys that say things like that are being genuine. I feel like that a lot and Im genuine when I say it to someone I care about. I really feel like I have too many problems/flaws to be with someone as wonderful as they are. Sometimes my concerns are valid and other times they probably are not.

[Nevaeh32]

What should the girl do in response to that? without coming across needy

[SüßeJäger]

First off, don't worry about coming off as needy. Tell him how you feel and be honest. Don't play the "im not needy/desperate" game. That's how you lose people you care for. Be honest and tell him how you feel. If he thinks you are needy, you don't want him anyway cuz he is ignorant and enjoys playing games. Having feelings for someone is not needy or desperate. Dating or trying to date anyone even if they are totally wrong for you cuz you feel like you have to be with someone for any number of reasons, that is needy or desperate. The definition of those words has been skewed. It has become to mean having feelings for someone instead of what they actually mean.

[Nevaeh32]

ok :) cool thank you!

[BertMacklinFBI]

its a hit or miss. he can use it as an excuse to break things off with you or he truly means it because he cares about you so much and he can't possibly see himself being good enough for you because he wants the best for you.

[Nevaeh32]

What should I do? I don't want to come across needy if he is breaking it off and it is an excuse but at the same time if he actually feels that way I want to tell him he's wrong :/

[BertMacklinFBI]

just tell him you want him around because he is good enough or it doesn't matter if he is good enough or not because humans aren't perfect but you like him for being him. you can take that answer step by step if you don't want to come off as needy lol.

[Nevaeh32]

Ok cool! Thank you!!

[Plato]

Depends, is he sincere with most things he says or is he the kind of guy who will say anything for an excuse?

[Nevaeh32]

No he doesn't really make excuses, we went on a few dates and then he quit talking to me and told a friend of his that. :/

[Plato]

I think he's being sincere, he's not getting anything out of it, so he's got no reason to deceive you. I think it's sad but honorable.

[Nevaeh32]

Ya, it just kinda sucks cause I'd rather him not feel that way and be with me haha

[Plato]

So what are you doing, he's probably sobbing on his bed, don't let him feel like "that one got that away".

[Nevaeh32]

I want to figure out what I'm going to say, but I will talk to him. Any suggestions?

[Plato]

Just tell him about the honor thing I mentioned, also, tell him that it doesn't matter wtf socio-economic status he's from, that you sincerely like him or something like that. I think this guy's a keeper.

[Nevaeh32]

Haha ok awesome! Thank you :)

[Plato]

No problem.

[COCOCHANEL]

it could be either really