Breaking up with boyfriend because of his dog?

[Anonymous]

Hi, BF and I have been together for two years. He has been living with me for about a year and "his dog" has always lived at home with his family where they spoil him, reinforce bad behavior, and let him run wild. Our lease is up in November and we've been looking at larger apartments since I recently got a raise (yay!). Since we'll have more space BF wants the dog to come live with us. I do NOT want this to happen. The dog snaps in your face (to show dominance), scratches you for attention all the time (even after being pet for an hour!), begs, steals food, jumps up on you, doesn't walk well on a leash and only goes to the bathroom in the back yard (not on leash), etc. still "marks" all over anywhere that isn't his home (including our apartment when he visits) and sheds like you wouldn't believe. He also stains ALL furniture in BF's family's house with drool and grime. I like dogs, but don't want one right now because I work long hours and don't have time for one. I have had dogs before but I bothered to train them (unlike my BF's family). BF is offended when anyone has an issue with his dog even though he's not well behaved. We cannot afford a place with a backyard, so we'd also have to train him to go to the bathroom on the leash in addition to all the other problems. I just straight up don't want the dog to move in. I've told my boyfriend this and he gets angry and defensive about it. On the weeks where we've dog-sat, I've been miserable and uncomfortable in my own home and I'm not willing to to sign up for that permanently.

The way he's responded, this might be a deal breaker. I love him, but I do NOT love his dog, and the fact that he's trying to force this untrained, unruly dog on me in OUR home is bringing me to the end of my rope. Is there anything I can do?

[parkway]

Drop him like he hot.

He is the dog. Any man who lets an animal run wild without training will do the same with a child. He sounds like trash. Think his entire family thinks that a dog trashing out a house is ok, that nasty is ok, that smelling like crap is ok. His family and his thinking is nasty. Think of an animal that you do not like, coming into your new place and with full knowedge just screws up every part of your new place. It sounds like the damage that the dog will do may exceed $3000.00 and for sure you will be in court with your landlord over the damage. After you move out of the damaged apartment, you will still be paying for the joys of that dog.

Take the dog out and shoot it. You cannot train an animal who has been rewarded to be a bad pet. Think of the liability when the dog bites or kills a child.

After the boyfriend helps you move, pat him on the ass and send him on his way. Wake up and look around you. You do not love him. Did not your father teach you about oxytocin and how girls will fall in love with a nasty dog and once the hormone wears down, you see that you were not screwing the boyfriend, you were screwing the dog. Before you say the word love would it be nice to know what lust is or the roles your hormones play.

That dog is screwing you, get rid of the dog and boyfriend they are the same.

[jakeofalltrades]

Make him train it before it is allowed to move in with you guys. Failing that it might be a dog or me kind of situation. Just out of curiosity what kind of dog is it

[Asker]

it's a golden retriever and collie mix. very cute, but a nightmare. How is he supposed to train it before? he'd have to move home and I wouldn't be able to afford the new place by myself while he trained the dog. Apparently he also doesn't see a big problem with the way the dog behaves since he has the attitude that his precious pooch can do no wrong. One time the dog jumped on me when I was in a bathing suit in their backyard and he clawed all the way down my stomach. When I tried to push him off me, I was told not to "push his dog" and when I got angry and went inside away from the dog he told me I was "overreacting."

[jakeofalltrades]

Like I said it might be a dog or you kinda thing. A lot of people with spoiled dogs believe they can do no wrong my parents are the same way, every time that dam dog peed on something of mine, and only mine btw, they always said I shouldn't have left it on the floor

[Asker]

haha well that doesn't work when the dog is jumping on you and scratching you. What should i be doing to prevent that? UGH i'm so angry at him for making this such an issue. IF anyone is making this a "me or the dog" kind of thing it's HIM. He's trying to introduce a dog that already has a home into our lives without my consent and all of the sudden it's something that he's willing to go to the mattresses about? I talked to him at lunch about it because we were supposed to go sign the lease on the bigger place later this week and he apparently called the leasing office to add the dog to the lease already! He told me he'd resent me if I made him give up the experience of living with the dog.

[jakeofalltrades]

You need to show that dog, and I guess your boyfriend, that you are the boss and be dominate, and assertive especially with the dog. other hand the dog might calm down if you see him every day, sometimes dogs forget that they know you after a while of not seeing them.

[Asker]

the dog acts the same way with BF's family who he lives with 24/7. He'll jump on them and they'll go "oh do you want a treat?" he's literally been trained to be this way. I don't need to dominate my boyfriend, I just don't have to be around if this is something he's demanding. The dog isn't my problem, nor do I want it to be. If i got a dog, it would NOT be a dog that other people have spent three years teaching to behave badly.

[jakeofalltrades]

Sounds like your only options are to get that dog trained or live with the dog, or leave your boyfriend.

[Asker]

well I'm not living with it as-is. and I'm not going to spend the next few months of my time trying to un-do years of training damage. I just got a new promotion and have less time and more stress so that's REALLY not how I want to spend my time after work. Looks like the boyfriend who doesn't seem to understand responsibility (at least when it comes to pets) is going to have to go.

[jakeofalltrades]

I think that is probably for the best, if the dog moves you will be unhappy, if the dog doesn't but your bf does he will be unhappy

[Asker]

yeah. it's just beyond obnoxious to all of the sudden, two years into our relationship and three years into the dog's life to decide to change EVERYTHING for everyone and then when not everyone is on board with that, get angry and defensive. He's been living with me for a year without the dog yet NOW all the sudden he HAS to have the dog.

[jakeofalltrades]

Yeah some people are weird like that

[Torrie]

He should def train the dog if he wants it to live with you guys. I'm sure the landlord would be pissed if the dog left pee stains all over their apartment. Maybe if you ask him to train the dog first he will?

[Asker]

He wants the dog to move when we do (in less than a month). And even if he had to train it first, that would mean he'd need to be living with the dog to train it so I'd have to find another place to live anyway.

[Anonymous]

Do what you got to do.
Maybe tell him to take the time to try and train the dog before he moves him in. Or maybe try and find a place with a backyard instead of apartment and keep the dog outside. Good luck

[Asker]

we can't afford anything that has a backyard (aka not an apartment), even with my new promotion. I just don't want to have this dog all the sudden be OUR problem. I know he'd expect me to go 50/50 on ALL the training and walking and cost. And all of those things are why I don't have a dog right now. I also just don't like this particular dog. He's needy and whiny and spoiled and I hate having scratches on my arms and snags in my clothing because he jumps all the time and paws at you constantly. The only way he could train the dog before it moves in is if he moves out and works with the dog daily to fix all of it's issues. Who knows how long that will take? If he does that, I won't be able to afford a large apartment on my own and would have to move to a smaller one that wouldn't have enough room for the dog anyway. It feels like he's putting the dog before me and my comfort despite the fact that the dog has been settled in his current home for almost 3 years.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn thats fucked. He knows how u feel about everything?

[Asker]

yes and he gets mad and defensive when I tell him I won't let the dog move in. He just says "you just hate my dog, don't you?" Well yeah. I HATE his bad behavior and I don't want to all of the sudden be responsible for a dog that I had NO hand in ruining. He calls me selfish and accuses me of making the "me or the dog" ultimatum. I guess that's what it comes down to. If he insists on living with his untrained dog, I will have to insist that he find another person to live with.

[paperfriendd]

Lol not even gonna lie if I am scared of someones dog I won't ever go their house.

[Anonymous]

Dont break up with him. Threaten to break up up with him to shake him up if he doesn't have it trained and that will make him change. Dont break up with him

[Asker]

I don't see another way. he's already put the dog on the lease despite knowing how I feel about it. I will not sign that lease. If he is going to be living with that dog, I will not be living with him and I won't really want to visit him either, nor will that dog be welcome in a new place of mine. Since he's making the dog an issue, it seems the only way to deal with it (other than just shutting up and dealing with crap until the dog dies, which I will not do), the only thing I can do is leave him. He is making the dog part of his packaged deal. that's a deal I'm no longer on board with.