He wants space but says he doesn't want to break up, I'm so confused?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend told me he wants space and I'm really hurting now because I know it usually leads to them wanting to break up. I told him that and he said he doesn't want to break up and he said no you will probably think differently of me and want to break up after we have had some space. I'm so confused I feel like he is just saying he doesn't want to break up when that is what he really wants :(. I can't stop crying because I feel like that's what it is going to lead too. And I don't really have anything to keep me busy at the moment either. He said he doesn't know how long he wants space for and said until one of us can't take he space anymore. So I don't know what to think :(

[JinxThePrettyKitty]

I'm so sorry :( this is so tough and confusing im sure. Don't jump to conclusions he may just need personal time, we all need it and he could just feel smothered at the molment. You need to stop crying though, because this is good time to think about yourself. Go try new things, hang out with your friends, work on a project and just have time to love yourself. You need to see that if he needs space you need to let go for now, you can't have the same state of mind you did from when you were dating. Think of this as time to breathe and you'll find its not that bad. I promise you even if you do go seprate ways, you'll find someone. There's 7 billion people on earth, and you'll find one :) so stay strong and love yourself :)

[Slcase]

Did he give you any reason as for WHY he wants space?

[Asker]

He said he thinks he didn't deserve how I treated him the other night and I've said maybe we should break up a few times, I've said it out of anger and don't mean it. His brother upset me the other night and it felt like he didn't care that I was upset so I said maybe we should break up and I feel like such an idiot for saying it now he wants space and I feel like I'm going to lose him.

[Slcase]

Yeah I've been there. I've said shit I didn't mean out of anger. I imagine you were on some level trying to get a rise out of him. Maybe you were subconsciously saying that to get him to understand how upset you were. If I were you, I would try to calm down as much as you possibly can (go for a run, or a walk, or write how you're feeling) and then ask him to talk with you. The key with talking to guys is to stay calm. No guy likes a hysterical girl.
If he says no, CALMLY (<--- KEY WORD) say something like "Okay. I understand you need some space. I know that I reacted out of anger and I apologize for that (if you mean it). I'll be here with you're ready to talk." and give him the space he wants.
If he says yes, talk to him rationally and calmly. Tell him SIMPLY how you were feeling and that you understand you reacted out of anger. Saying simple things to men seems to help: "When _____ happened, I felt _____" Also, taking some responsibility for what happened goes a long way.

[Slcase]

Also, if you don't give him the space he is asking for you will just push him further. Write down his phone number, give it to a friend and delete it out of your phone temporarily if you will be too tempted to call/text him.
Take the time that he has asked for and focus on yourself. Work on your hobbies. Hang out with your friends (and don't dominant the entire conversation with whats going on with him!), spend time with your family, do things that in general make YOU feel good. That will do you, and him, wonders.

[Asker]

He already knows I'm crying though coz when he said I'll probably have had enough of him, I said well I'm sitting here crying now so obviously that means I don't want to lose u. And I even said is it someone that he has spoken to that made him want space. Also said he will probably end up wanting to break up and I said please don't be with anyone else and he didn't reply. Then I said I respect that he wants space and that I hope it doesn't lead to us going our separate ways. That I'll leave him be. I'm scared of what the outcome will be and there's no way that I can't stop crying

[Asker]

And I haven't seen him in a week either (we mainly see each other on weekends) so it's not as if he hasn't had anytime away from each other.. Now he wants even longer away from me without the talking, how can I not think the worst it's probably his way of slowly but surely wanting to end things

[Slcase]

Not necessarily. Of course it could end, but in my experience guys tend to say what they mean when they are upset. I'd be willing to bed that he really does just need time to think about what happened. My boyfriend is like this. When something happens between us usually I want to talk and sort it out right away but he needs to not be around me in order to process everything. Sometimes he's gone for 20 minutes, sometimes it's hours, sometimes it's all day. We live together, so it's not like it would be more than a day. But he always comes back. When I text him and call him and try to get him to come home he just ignores me most of the time and stays away longer than I think he would have in the first place. Try to respect your guys need for space, I'd bet it will go a long way with him. Plus... for some reason (again in my experience) when I act like I'm perfectly fine or even just doing alright, all of a sudden he's the one trying to get my attention and get ME to take him back :P

[Klaatu51]

do you text him every hour? if yes it might be obvious that he needs space basically...

[Asker]

No I don't the other day we didn't talk for the whole day and night