My boyfriend says he needs space/break... is that leading to a potential break-up?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I were dating for a month and everything was going so well and we clicked right away and we felt really comfortable being with each other. I had plans to surprise him on this week's Valentine's day but a couple days ago he dropped the bomb on me and told me that he needed some space/break (do they mean the same thing?) because he feels like he's not in a good position to commit with the way of life he's living right now (having two jobs, day shift & graveyard shift) even though I had no problems with it. And since everything's been going so well with us, he's scared that he might screw up and he doesn't want me to get hurt because I treat him well. He said he doesn't know what he wants in his life right now because he hasn't been quite established in terms of his career and because of this he said that it wouldn't be fair for me to sit and wait. With his work and all, he doesn't even have time for his friends and family. He felt that if we were to spend time together on Valentine's Day then it would mean that our relationship would be "cemented" or "sealed" and he's not ready to set things into stone.

I asked him whether I did something wrong in the relationship or whether because there was someone else or other girls, and he said none of them were the reasons. He said that he really enjoys being with me and I make him happy. He knows for certain that he still wants me to be apart of his life since no one has ever been so "sweet" to him before. I told him that I respected his decision and that I would give him space. I also said that my heart will always be opened for him and he said hearing that means a lot to him because his door is also opened for the possibility of us getting back together but he doesn't want to give me false hope (?) He just needs some time to himself so that he can gather his thoughts and put things into perspective. I asked him what he wanted to do about the stuffs that I have at his place (I have several things like sleeping attires, dvds, money, bath products) and he said he'll still keep them the way they are and he doesn't have any plans to remove them. He said that he's not going to leave me hanging for weeks or months so I'm assuming that he will contact me eventually. But because of that night had happened all too fast on me, I had no time to process everything that he had said and I can't even remember some of the other things he said since my emotions were running so high...

The problem that I'm facing right now is whether I should believe his reasons are real or not. I don't know whether he's sugar-coating all of this so that it won't make him look bad. I know he's genuinely sorry about putting me through this but isn't this a way of saying that he's in fact not really interested in me and wants to break up?

Sighs, your insights will be greatly appreciated...

[ArtistBboy]

Typically when men say anything about "i want a break". It usually means "I want to check my other options before comitting into a long term relationship"

Is it fair? No

Is it life? Yes.

If you try to force his hand with this matter, it could push him away. Be patient if you truly want to be with him. During this break, realise that "anything goes" like when everything was separate (you were single and he was single) but there is still attraction for each other present.

- Sounds like he may push for a FWB relation with you.

~ ArtistBBoy

[versusxiii]

Honestly, I don't see how this can end in your favor =( needing a break is generally the last step before a full break up. I think there is something about you that makes you a place-holder in his life but he's realizing a romantic relationship with you isn't what he wants.

Sorry to basically call you a place-holder but that may be exactly what you are for him. Doesn't mean he's using you or anything like that, simplfy means that you do make him happy in certain aspects but he can't see having you as his lover in the long-run. You know, it's like...I make my brother happy, I make my male friends happy, but we'll never be together. So a man saying you make him happy but at the same time saying he really needs to be apart from you, romantically, is a sign that it won't work out.

I hope it does but maybe you're better off without him anyway, you know? This doesn't have to be the end of the world for you.