Boyfriend says he feels like a crutch - what does that mean?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s and he's usually a very chill, easy going and sociable guy.

Recently he has been quite stressed due to work problems and has been distant towards me. Still loving and we still spend time together but just different from before. This has caused problems in our relationship but we talked it through and have been trying to work things out.

However, he became suddenly emo last night (for lack of a better word) and kept saying how he has nothing to offer me, I can do better, and that he's a crappy boyfriend. I tried my best to reassure him and not take it personally but I became worried that he was trying to break up with me and was just letting me down easy.

I asked him straight up if that's the case and he said he is not trying to dump me. But then he kept going on about how he's sorry, he needs to figure his life out, he's holding me back and that he feels like a crutch. I don't understand what that means so I asked him if he means I'm using him and he said no.

Can anyone shed some light on what the crutch thing means? And just how to handle this in general? I already told him I will give him space to figure things out and that I will be here to talk and support him whenever he wants but honestly, this is hard for me. I don't know if he actually wants to leave me or if this is just a stress thing or if he will never come back to me.

[aGuy21]

He needs some space to figure out things in his life. Guys need alone time to think and sort things out. It's how we re-charge. Also why man caves are awesome. Be supportive and give him the space and time he needs. That could be a couple hours every evening or a full day. He knows he needs to overcome a few things, but he cares enough about you to not drag you down with him.

[Asker]

Is there any way of knowing if this is just his roundabout way of leaving me? Or is it normal for guys who are stressed about work to really just not want to be around their gfs? Because he's the type of guy who always liked to spend time with me when possible and chats throughout the day so the sudden change is scaring me to be honest.

[aGuy21]

There is no way to know. Most importantly, what matters most is improving your relationship and his emotional health.

I love to spend time with my girlfriend. But when I am stressed I want some time to myself to unwind. When I am done, I hang out with her. My guy friends are like this too.

Keep in mind guys are like rubber bands. We will have periods of time where we are distant for awhile. During that time we are working things out. But we do come back. :)

[Asker]

Alright - I will try not to be paranoid and take it personally. It's just all the stuff he was saying about how I should find someone better, how he's so sorry for everything, how he feels like he's holding me back ... all that sounds like those cliche phrases people throw out when dumping someone.

Thanks so much for your advice and I will try to be patient and stay away from him for a while

[aGuy21]

Yeah just remember it's not your fault. Have patience be supportive and be honest. Sorry you are going through that situation it sounds tough. At least it sounds like he is searching for ways to get better.

[salvichick]

I think he is trying to break up with you this might be his way of letting you down easy. Just give him his space. Take a break from each other this might be the best for right now if he is saying things like that and even after you assure him and still is saying things like that that's sure a sign take a break and see where it goes from there.