He puts me on the back burner, what should I do?

[lilpeanut23]

My so-called "boyfriend" puts me on the back burner a lot. It seems like he only pulls through with planning with me when his buddies are not around or don't want to do anything in particular. This guy is your average Cali surfer who is "free-spirited. " As of last night, he canceled plans with me to be with his buddies because one came down unexpectedly and so, all of a sudden, something better than me came around so he took me out of his schedule. I was obviously upset, he apologized because he knew what he did was wrong, but still went through with it and asked to put our plans off for tonight. I reluctantly said yes. And he was worried if he angered me. Of course, I said no. But I'm still very disappointed. On other days, we wouldn't have to have had plans made, but he always chooses to go home to his buddies instead of asking to spend more quality time with me at all. Keep in mind, we rarely ever hang. On average is once a week. He sees his friends 5x's a week and yet, he cancels on me for someone he sees every weekend as well. I'm just a bit frustrated.

[iridescent]

Why can't you go when he hangs out with his buddies? If you are not apart of his life to a point where he considers you a friend enough to hang out with his friends, then I honestly can't see this relationship going too far. Has he even been decent enough to ask you whether you would like to go? Your friendship should be the foundation, the reason why your relationship exists, and you should be considered one of his best friends, if not "the best friend". If he isn't comfortable enough to hang with you around "the boys", then maybe you guys don't have enough in common to even bother. I know it sounds harsh, but I am really thinking of it more in the bigger picture scenario because I am assuming that you are taking this relationship very serious and you could end up (and have already ended up) wasting a heap of time. Even if you guys don't really like hanging around each other's friends, its only decent to ask, that way if you don't want to go it's your choice rather than him being a jerk and canceling on you. Also, if he was really taking your feelings into consideration like a "man" would, he would never continuously do something so selfish. IMHO he sounds like a boy and unless you have years of wasting time, hurt feelings, and explaining and re-explaining how to treat someone with decency and respect, you shouldn't bother yourself with waiting and helping him to grow the hell up.

[Playful-Angel]

There nothing you can really do. I have been there. I know. You can tell him how you feel and see what happens. I say being honest is the only way to be. Let him know you was upset. He might understand and not do it again. You never know. Good Luck!

[lilpeanut23]

Thank you for the insight! I appreciate it much. I just fear that he may think having a girlfriend is too much if I confront him about it. He did apologize once more last night about it, and that he just ended up chilling with a whole bunch of his friends at someone's house and that he felt bad about canceling on me. But yea. Again today, he chose to go surfing over hanging with me. So i dunno if in the long-run can I tolerate this? I don't think even if being honest with him would help.

[RFRFRF]

Well if someone puts you on the back burner then that shows ur not a priority. Is he a stoner? Stoners usually don't have much desire they just want to have fun. But it seems fishy. Well it sounds like he don't care, he only calls you when he wants sex right? I would tell him that you feel he isn't taking you seriously and if he wants to stay with you he needs to start putting you at a higher priority or invite you or something. And if he says no then you know how he really feels. He don't care that much. Well if he can't spend more time with you cut him loose and find better. . Good? Remember actions speak louder than words. Check this book out called get any one to do anything in a book store. Go to the section on how to catch a liar, there is this technique called conundrum. Use that on him and you will see if his alibis match up. Its great. Good?

[drkind2000]

He's just not ready for a great relationship, move on He'll grow-up some day but don't wait for that to happen, I was a surfer dude in my 20's and didn't grow up tell my 30's

[lilpeanut23]

Ah. Well yes, we settled on an "exclusive, but not serious" relationship ha. He's turning 22 in a few months, only goes to school part time, works a few days of the week. And LOVES free time. I know he smokes pot every now and then. Can't go w/o surfing for no more than 3 days or he'll go nuts. So, would you still say to let him go knowing it's not 100% serious?

[Scrimz21]

Ditch him. Your too beautiful for that