Do 'breaks' in a relationship actually work?

[Anonymous]

Do 'breaks' in a relationship actually work? I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I think it might be a good idea to take a break for a while. We got caught in a rut and we have been fighting non stop and on top of all of this, I just turned 21 and he has gotten very controlling over what I can and can not do. He does not agree in taking a break and keeps telling me if I loved him we wouldn't take a break. Well I do love him but I think this is what's best for both of us? Any advice helps!

Updates

+1 y

To add to this... We are also in very different places in our relationship... He wants to get married and buy a house, and although we do live together and everything, I am not fully ready to take these big steps yet...

[kaylaS91]

From what you've written about your particular case, I don't think a break will work.
Break can potentially work as long as it's discussed whether or not you'll remain monogamous or not through this break, and if the break is because you guys are just feeling overwhelmed with work, school, other commitments. For you guys though, what's the issue that would result in this potential 'break'?

Getting caught in a rut, resulting in fighting. Essentially caused as a result of him wanting to get married and move in together, while you're not yet at that point. A break will not give a magical resolution to those problems. What you guys need to do is just sit down and discuss this things directly. What both of you want, when you'll be ready for more in the future, and how much both of you will be willing to compromise so that you can meet in the middle.

[Krbee]

From my experience taking a break ultimately moves each other further apart and eventually we break up. A break to some people is like the end of the relationship. Some people feel it's like you're running away or scared or don't believe/trust in the relationship anymore. Some people require a break bc backing off could bring the two even closer. Everyone is different and it looks like you and your boyfriend are different in how you cope with the relationship. I'm like your bf--I feel that a break means the other person wants to sit back and see how it goes, and it feels like they are going to stop putting in effort into the relationship. I had a boyfriend who wanted a break and I didn't want it but I took it anyway. And we ended up breaking up bc everything was different.

[GotTheseMitts]

I think it works depending on the person... a controlling person would naturally say they don't want a break cause it signifies a loss of control.

[RasmusAiken]

In my experience when two people take a break they keep moving apart. So if you want to move on then yes, taking a break will likely work for you.

[shiller]

Breaks can work as they allow both parties to live their lives without each other and in time they can see whether they are better off apart or together.

[I_am_repulsive]

It doesn't work that often in my opinion