Why do I attract "damaged" mean girls?

[Anonymous]

Usually happens at college or work. I just sitt there nice and to everyone I'm shy but force myself to be social. For some reason I end up being friends/love interest est.. and attracting girls with rouge edges. Promiscouse woman or with bad history that end up being really mean to me but seem to just like being around because I treat them nice. Like I don't talk down to them or anything. They say shit like "your too nice for your own good" when I tell them to leave or stop talking to me so I I just shrugg it off and they stick around even if I try to be mean or anything. People even ask me why I'm nice to them because they are mean or can't seem to socialize with classmates or co-workers. Guess I just ignore their history or not really think about it they can be real bitches sometimes and I just tell them to come back when they change their attitude which pisses them off but I don't sware or belittle them. A lot of them never knew their dads and I come from a very conservative family I'm not a bible thumper or anything I just grew up in a good family. It's just weird how I notice I attract "bad" girls "daddy issues" "cutters" est,.. Like something about me they can see from a crowd last 5 girls in a row were like that to the point my friends call me daddy issues all 5 woman over like 3-4 years never knew their dad and had some sort of abuse when younger. It just baffles me at times why me?

[Poppykate]

I really hope that you find someone sweet, kind, and loving who you can have a 'normal' relationship with. (Whatever your normal is, as everyone has a different definition of normal). It's funny, do you think that perhaps you too gain something from these relationships? We don't usually just 'end up' with a particular type of person, unless we are doing something to attract them. Are you being an emotional support for these women? I, too was attracting needy men. I am studying psych, and it's in my nature to reach out and help people. I find that insecure, needy, mamas boys etc are attracted to my nature. But after some deep thinking, I discovered that I too gained from these relationships - a feeling of being needed/ useful. Now, when I am dating, if a date comes asking for advice, I will usually refer them to a free counselling service. As I want to date the person, not give them casual therapy.

[Asker]

Well I grew up with an abusive father before my mother married a nice me. So from like 12-(current) I've had a stable life. My brother and sister are social butter flies and extroverts I keep to myself. most of the time and just joke around but since I was younger I told myself I'd be strong for myself. Never ask for help and when I'm not talking I'm stoic because I have social anxiety. It's hard to explain but my I'm different from my entire family I don't share my feelings or emotions with anyone... it's hard but I don't. Then I meet these girls who want to try and act like some wounded bird around me. Telling me about abuse, self mutilation est I try to push away but they guilt me texting me that they want to kill themselves est. worst part I don't reply back... because they always act like nothing happened the next day

[Asker]

My father favored my brother and younger sister growing up so I was beat more called names more as a child and I just told myself I'd be stronger when I grow up and I'll never treat people bad or my kids that way.

[Poppykate]

In order to have the kind of relationship you want you need to separate yourself from these girls. If these girls talk about wanting to kill myselves, you need to tell them that you are not a professional, and refer them to a sucide prevention hotline. ( most countries have them and they are free). You will need to become good at identifying the 'bad girls' and the 'normal girls'. Because you may find that a normal girl could come across as a little crazy, when she actually just wants a shoulder to lean on for a while. Like we all do from time to time.

[timmy111]

Genius

[Asker]

Yeah I just ignored them they would know I was on a date or meeting a new girl and would text me how they hate life and want to kill themselves while I was out so I would turn my phone off

[timmy111]

That's amazing to read, do they seek your approval?

[Asker]

I don't know like say I'll be sitting in a group and I make jokes and get people to laugh to get over my social anxiety and a cute girl who the other girls don't like seems sad so I get her to join in est... Then they want to open up to me after a few weeks about their drug/alcohol/abuse est... And I just try to push them away because I'm tired of being some ones emotional tampon. Then they fear losing me so guess... they get angry and protective of me around other normal woman. It like verbal chess sometimes "why are you so cold?" Me..."I'm not. But if you think I am you can always stop talking to me, I guess." I do care about them I'm not a user of them. I do fool aroun with them and what not but it's to the point where me be nice and genuine seems to be opening a door for just mean girls with daddy issues.

[Asker]

I'm shy so I can't just see a girl I like and go talk to them so I force myself to be sociable... sometimes I have to leave situations at social gatherings for a few minutes and take deep breaths because of anxiety attacks but no one knows

[timmy111]

Yeah, sorry pal, high anxiety is a nightmare..
Put a positive spin on it, all this experience and you'll definitely spot the good ones