Many men seem to be against women changing her dating preference later in life, but why is that?
Why is it guys have such issues with a beautiful girls/women in general dating the party guy, jock, alpha male, or the handsome/popular guy in their teens/20's
But as they mature into their 30's decide to go for something different, or someone they would not have considered dating/sleeping in their 20's, teens?
Many guys seemt to have issues with that and basically champion to other males that they shouldn't go along/date/marry women who now show interest in them in their 30's. Is the male ego so shallow/brittle that they can't see that women in question matured, became less shallow, learned from her past mistakes, and now prioritize traits that these guys posses that she didn't consider important in her youth?
Updates
+1 y
On the flip side many guys see no problem sleeping around with party sluts, but looking for a faithful virign wife in their 30's.
Why are men against women changing their dating preference later in life?
Because who likes to be someone's last option? These women went for the "party guy, jock, alpha male, or the handsome/popular guy" but sooner or later they realize these men are not necessarily able to raise a family. That's when they go for the men they didn't care about before, the geeky shy guys who while these women were spending their times partying with the jocks, they studied and worked hard in whatever field they pursued and then what happened? The geeks grew up to be men that are very financially stable, have high ambitions and prosperous careers. If you ever get a chance, watch a movie called The Wedding Ringer and listen to what the bride says during her wedding to Kevin Hart towards the end of the movie and you'll get an idea. So, looking at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (a pyramid of basic human needs), the typical young geek lacks in 2 areas: Physiological needs (sex specifically) and Sense of belonging (friendship and sexual intimacy needs). These 2 take down a 3rd area with them, Esteem. During the long years of lacking these needs, the geek essentially gets psychologically tormented and that comes out as either extreme sadness or extreme anger. But things change once they graduate, they get into whichever geeky industry they went to school for and they interact with other geeks and get more social (and from my personal observation, the more anti-social a geek was during his younger days, the more knowledgeable and skilled they end up becoming in their field), their perception of society changes and they slowly drift into being social and away from the "humans suck" ideology. That happens by the time the women you speak of are on the hunt for men like these. By then some men became more vulnerable, others got battle-hardened and decided not take a part in that whole bullshit process to begin with (way to go). The battle-hardened ones never get divorced, are as free as freedom can get, tend to have way less debt, can pay off their houses in no time, not necessarily be super rich but the lack of a wife/kids/family saves up a whole lot of money giving them the ability to waste as much money as they feel like since their incomes easily allow for survival. The average marriage in the US lasts 8 years and with divorce rates skyrocketing, the same geeks that were ridiculed for being single while some of their friends got married, are the ones that get envied after these men get divorced. If geeks only knew how much bullets they've been dodging...
It has almost nothing to do with the woman maturing and almost everything to do with the woman getting desperate. In fact the fatter a woman is, and more kids she has, the more she "matures". Guys aren't stupid. They know the woman is only dating him because she is getting desperate.
It doesn't feel good to know a woman is settling for a guy like you, when she clearly prefers to date other types of guys more. It is like getting picked last at gym. You may still get to play, but you know you were their last option. If the guys in her past had at least been like you, then this wouldn't be an issue. You would be able to know she actually values you.
It is funny how so many women have gone off topic and think this is about a double standard where guys sleep around, and then suddenly want a virgin. lmfao That is typically a completely different set of guys. The jocks sleep around, and the nerds are the ones that don't feel like women really are attracted to them later in life. So they are accusing the group that have the hurt feelings of sleeping around, when they weren't.
It has nothing to do with her being a virgin, or pure, or any of that nonsense. Guys just want to know the woman actually likes him, for who he is, and if she has a lifetime of showing that she doesn't like that kind of guy, because she only went after a different type of guy, then he knows that she isn't really attracted to him.
I don't care what gender you are. People want to feel attractive to their partners, and there is nothing wrong with someone having hurt feelings when they don't feel like they are. It isn't fair to brush aside a man's feelings, simply by claiming it is his ego. A man's feelings is just as important as a woman's, and just like women, we are entitled to those feelings.
Thank you man, but the modern day woman doesn't acknowledge this. How would they like it if the shoe was on the other foot? I'm not expecting to a date a virgin, but I don't want a woman that has slept around with the stereotypical "bad guy" in her twenties and now wants to settle down with me. She's only doing it because as you say she's desperate. Her body clock is ticking down, her looks are fading and she now faces the prospect of being alone well into her thirties and forties.
Good question. I love that guys get bitter about this or assume this is always the case for a woman who waits until her thirties to start thinking about settling down.
For me I waited because my twenties were about figuring out what I wanted from life, my five year plan and my career. I had to get to a certain point in my career which meant working long hours and not having time for a boyfriend.
I quit partying around 24 and didn't date party guys but anyone I did date it was never serious and that is by design. Men do the same exact thing. in my opinion it isn't fair to enter into a serious relationship unless you have the time and emotional maturity to give it your attention and bring value to the relationship.
Men aren't under a time crunch the way women are once they reach their thirties though so I think this gives them a slight upper hand and they feel it. They're like- My time has come!! ☺️
The point is not that women should sleep around and party their twenties away, it's that they have no right to expect a safe and secure (boring) guy that they wouldn't have looked twice at in their twenties to enter a serious relationship with them. They offer the safe and secure dude nothing, they have nothing to give, they just want those men to look after them and I am glad men are now realizing who they women are, what they are and are rejecting them.
Just as these safe and secure dudes aren't entitled to women, those women aren't entitled to those men.
@koolstorybtah I guess some women do that but not any of the ones I know. My friends that got married in their twenties did because that was their life plan to be married by 25 and those are the ones that are the type to want to be looked after. Women who wait until their 30's that get married are used to looking after their self.
I've always dated the same nerdy type guy but went a long while of not dating at all in my late twenties because I was working so much.
Anyways let's assume you are correct in your blanket belief of single hags in their thirties. Great, you've identified he problem so just date younger women. Problem solved. You don't stand s chance with an emotionally balanced woman who is a good earner anyways. As soon as I hear a man spew that kind of hate towards women in general I'm out the door.
Is it hate? It's not hate to state the truth about a lot of women. That's not to say ALL women are like this but there are women like this and you'd have to live underneath a rock not to notice them.
@koolstorybrah yes there are certainly some women like this which can or may not be a bad thing depending on who they end up with.
The people I know from high school are pretty much the only ones I know like this. They are the traditional girls who dreamed about getting married and having kids not what they wanted to be when they grew up. I wouldn't say they are looking for a free ride because most of them do work to have something to do but aren't the main earners. They work a job that gives them something to do while allowing them to take care of their husband and kids.
Most of the women in my industry working in the same role I work in either don't have kids, or didn't move into such a demanding role until their kids were in high school. If we want kids we often have to change jobs to something that is a lateral move but WAY smaller quarterly bonuses and normal hours because you can't properly care for an infant working 60 hours and end up paying someone else to do it.
Which isn't worth it. In relationships we all have to make sacrifices. A woman gives up so much of her earning potential to raise kids and it is met far too often by husbands saying she is lazy and what not. It isn't fair to the child to have both parents working 60 hours a week and you lose all those memories. I've accepted that at some point I'll have to take a step back for a few years so I'm making hay while the sun shines. I already work far less hours, take vacations and things I never did two years ago to make time for my boyfriend and I do lose out on some business due to it but life is more than work.
I don't know. Male ego is too fragile. I know women ego is too, but we're not trying to deny it.
I think it's stupid for anyone to a) get mad at others for who they like. Male or female. That hot guy won't date you because you're too fat or flat? Boohoo sweatheart. Get over it. He's not obligated to find you sexy no matter how "beautiful fat is". That hot chick doesn't "appreciate you" because she'd rather be fucked senseless by some hot gym rat? Again, boohoo honey bunny. No one is obligated to date you, sex you up, or find you attractive. No matter how much you preach "real men love curves". No matter how "nice" you are.
People in general, including and especially myself, bitch too much and it's no wonder we're having a hard time getting laid lol
Yes and no man is obliged to date a woman who spent her twenties serving more dicks than a clinic who then wants to settle down with a good man to look after her. Yet women continually feel entitled to such men and then brand men who don't want their manky pussies as bitter, ego-driven, fragile etc, etc.
Yet should a man say "No thanks I don't want a slut" all hell breaks loose.
@KoolStoryBrah Just because you could, doesn't mean you should. I'm not advocating by any means for people to be assholes to each other. Just like if a girl blatantly said "you don't make enough money", that's pretty fucking shitty, but it's still their choice. I say just move on, don't give these jerks any more of your time.
I can understand why guys wouldn't want a girl who was passed around more than a Thanksgiving turkey. Especially if he has a low number of sexual partners. I have had few partners, and would prefer a partner with few partners as well. But that doesn't mean I'd be against dating a guy with quite a number of partners as long as he treated me right and it wasn't an extreme number.
What I'm saying is, no need to label him a slut. And no need to dismiss him without getting to know him. I thought this was standard in normal adults, especially for self proclaimed "nice guys".
Who is the self-proclaimed nice guy? I am not a nice guy, I'm a guy that has and bad traits but there is one thing I am not and that's a hypocrite that lives a life of double standards. I don't expect anything more from a partner than I do from myself. I'm not the most handsome of men, nor am I the most educated, intelligent or wealthy, so I don't expect a potential girlfriend to be a wealthy supermodel that is a CEO of a corporation. I am however loyal and I save sex for relationships and I expect that from a partner of mine, if she has had a lot of casual sex, then she's not going to become my woman, maybe for her that' a bullet dodged, but I can say that about her too.
@KoolStoryBrah I wasn't referring to you. I said it's mainly self proclaimed nice guys.
I'm the same. I have the same standards for my partners as I do myself. I work and support myself, so I'd prefer if my partner did the same. We shouldn't rely on someone else's money. I'm going to school, I'm trying to better myself. So I want a partner who does the same. I don't smoke or drink, so I'd prefer that. But it's no big deal if he does as long as he's not an addict or it doesn't consume his life. I'm not stunning, so as long as he's average looking, I can dig it. I've only had 2 bfs, so I'd rather a partner with low body count as well. And I'm loyal. I want this, and this one is the only of my list that I don't want to compromise. The rest are "bonuses", this is my only absolute requirement.
Guys get bitter because they are wiseing up to what most[not all] but most women are doing now. As a girl I am aware of our sexual stratagies and women my age are shooting themselves in their own foot because they are trying to have their cake and eat it too. If you want to get married find a good guy and marry him when you are in your prime- you can't have it both ways ladies because your value goes down. I found a blog that my guy friends showed me and it points out exactly whats going on which you can see in this chart. https://i.imgur.com/yY58MX3.jpg Men hit their prime later in life where as us women start to lose our looks around 30ish so we settle for the "beta" if we wasted our party years with Alphas.
Excluding the stupid terms Alpha and Beta, I agree. Low quality women deserve low quality men and for those low quality women to expect a high quality man is a joke.
I'll give you an example my friend is someone you would call a beta male, he's not macho, he's tall, he's skinny and he loves his video games, yet he's been a soldier in an elite regiment in my country's army and has done a tour of Afghanistan.
I'd love to see some of these alpha males do what he's done.
I agree. Alpha/Beta arn't permanent. And they are set in stone (i. e if you play video games you rautomatically beta) Alpha/beta i believe are mindsets and how a guy carries himself. I know lots of my guy friends who play video games or who arn't that huge muscular guy... but many percive them as leaders. Alpha/beta is perception and how one carries them-self
Exactly. Men need to realize not every girl they get with is going to a virgin. She would of had prior sexual partners/relationships before meeting him. Hell, it's her past experiences that shape her decisions in being with you now.
@dudeman I agree, the more men that stand up to women's behavior the better. Men a hundred years ago wouldn't have been seen out with a slut and nowadays it's common and acceptable.
How do we know they changed? How do we know they're now going for the good guy with a good job and a stable life because they want to, and not because they're forced by life? There's a time in life when you're not gonna attract as much male attention as before cause men will go for younger women, so they can't get men as easy as before, and seeing this, many women go for the stable guys in order to settle down and have a good life. They're just using those men to get a stable life, that's it, not because they actually changed their preferences, but because they had no choice. If when they're 40 they could get guys as easily as when they were 20, they wouldn't change. That's why I won't get in a relationship with an ex promiscuous/party/"I-only-date-jocks girl.
Another big reason is because these kind of girls never dreamed of a good relationship, like many other girls, and a girl that has been dreaming of a good relationship is gonna be a better girlfriend and will put much more effort into having a happy relationship.
Totally missed this question when it aired a month ago.
You are a grouping people together and then asserting that each of the behave as the 'average' person does.
About those averages though. The CDC family growth survey cites that the average LIFETIME number of sexual partners for males is 6.6 and for females is 4.3. Data is current as of 2010. www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/a.htm#sexual The discrepancy between males and females have 3 causes 1) males tend to count in numbers evenly divisible by five 2) males and females do not regard the same acts as being sex (example: blowjobs for him it counts for her it might not) 3) males tend to be the overwhelming users of prostitutes. Prostitutes are not figured into the survey but their customers are.
What this data from the survey means is that millions of people (male and female) are not engaging in casual sex. Expecting that it is otherwise is a gross misrepresentation of the world we live in.
Beyond that, the vast majority of people mate assortatively, that is they find some one that is: - of the same education level - of the same socioeconomic class - of their same religious faith - of the same sexual experience This is hugely common and entirely normal.
What is uncommon is the situation you describe in your question: a sexually experienced woman deliberately seeking a sexually inexperienced man.
Generally speaking, if you are a person with substantial sexual experience you will already be seeking the same in a partner.
The uncommon nature of the situation in your question is exactly why it the question is provocative.
Actually not true, many experienced women will go after inexperienced "provider" men, it is very common with the nerdy guys that either a) become successful and wealthy b) get in shape and become more attractive plus wealthy. Interfaith marriages are becoming more common since the number of people who are practicing in their faith has decreased substantially. People do mate with others that are not of the same educational attainment, it is very common to see men who find women of different educational levels.
The point is that these situations are the exception, not the norm. It is common to acknowledge that there is the potential for problems when there are differences in values or life experiences.
Specifying what may occasionally occur within a subgroup (ie nerdy guys) and extrapolating from that to identify a general societal trend is a falacy.
Generally, people mate: - within their race - within their nationality - within their socioeconomic group - within their level of education - within their religious affiliation - with common sexual history - with common fitness levels - with similiar levels of attractiveness - with common political affiliations
This should be obvious because people meet where they are: - in school - at work - at the gym - at church - at nightclubs - while volunteering - in social organizations - in their neighborhood
Now, you are generalizing too much. I know many couples that have different political views (typically the male is conservative and the female is more liberal, but I've occasionally seen the opposite). Same nationality, really then why do I see many guys hooking up with foreign women. I'd say it's 50/50, so me people mate with people similar to them and some mate with people totally different than them. I've dated women of all religious backgrounds, educational levels, nationalities, races, etc. and I know many guys that have done so as well. It also has to do with education, more educated people are more likely to mate with people that are different than them. But your observations are not always the case
Maybe you being 48 says a lot too, maybe when you were young people sought out identical people to mate with but a lot has changed since you were in your prime
I have a nephew your age. He met the girl he would one day marry when they were in school together... middle school.
They dated through high school and college (both hold bachelor's degrees) and married once they graduated. They have 2 children and a home in the suburbs.
You make a point that people align on educational avhievement, a point I recall making myself. As education dominates a person's professional and social experiences, of course that will be the context in which they date/mate.
I was listing the dimensions on which people select compatible mates. I did not suggest that every person give each dimension equal weight.
You also make a point about hooking up and/or dating. Assuming you mean casual dating, and not dating in the context of exclusive relationships, then I have no trouble understanding why someone might want to experience whatever is out there. Dating with the intent of seeking a mate is a different thing altogether.
The asker's original question was this (paraphrased):
"Why are people up in arms that there is a mass of women doing this thing?"
My response to him (again, paraphrased):
"There isn't a mass of women doing this thing you speak of. The anecdotes about the few who do are controversial PRECISELY because it's uncommon."
Age matters in this MUCH less than you think it does for this issue. The "summer of love" occured when I was one year old. Abortion has been constitutionally protected since I was six. The sexual revolution was in full swing before my 10th birthday.
I'm pointing out that while there is a broad range of behaviors that are accepted, most people find themselves within 1 standard deviation from the mean.
The asker is pointing at outliers, and trying to provoke a reaction. My response is to remind the asker that he is speaking about outliers.
Your response (to me) seems to be to assert that there is a distribution and to imply that the existence of the distribution is a new development.
Dudes can be real bitter. I think a lot comes down to the "Nerd Fantasy", the idea that they will be passed over and mocked in their teens and 20s, but the big payoff is when the "cool" guy from high school is pumping gas into your expensive car when you're 30+ and successful, and Johnny Football Hero is a loser. There's a bitterness to it too, not just an internal satisfaction, but an outward display of victory over them. You've seen it in movies and TV forever, like in Back To The Future for example, 30 years ago. George McFly was a huge dork, Biff Tannen picked on him, his future wife Lorraine didn't know he existed... and in the end he knocks out the bully, gets the girl, and fast forward 30 years at the end and he's a successful writer and Biff is waxing his car for him in the driveway. And that wasn't the first time this scenario was portrayed in media, this concept is older than most of us are.
So I think a lot of these guys are really rooting for that when they're in their younger years. The issue is that some have a grudge about it, so they can't just be like "oh cool, my hard work has finally paid off, I'm making good money, I'm successful, and women will talk to me now, time to reap the benefits", but instead they feel the need to counter-shun people in retaliation now that they're in the catbird seat. I think they also don't truly believe the women are genuine in their interest, after years of being rejected. That may or may not be true in individual situations, but I don't understand why you don't just make individual judgement calls. I don't know, that's my feeling on it, maybe I'm wrong.
Because women are cheap. They get through the early stages of life on looks and bounce from asshole to asshole like a tennis ball while treating all other guys like shit, then when their looks start to melt and they are close to having to use their lack of personality to get them through life, they change their "preference" like chameleons and go after the successful male that they overlooked or ignored in youth so they can get through the second half of life without trying. It's not that they "learn from their mistakes" that's bullshit... if they learned from their mistakes they wouldn't all do the exact same shit from 14-30 over and over again, before they switch gears. This is why women are treated with kid gloves by society. they are essentially children.
Males stick to their type from start to finish... we like young and pretty. Period. The old hags eventually shame us into pretending we actually care for other shit but we don't. We just simply don't want to deal with their bitter angry attacks and shaming tactics. But they will gather together and create campaigns to push the "all women are beautiful" crap.
*I guarantee the shame army will come running to try and attack me instead of my points. This will prove my point.
There's an excellent theory to explain why women go for the average guy or "Pointdexter" in their 30's. Women are similar to cars; when they are in their 20's, they are the new hotness and can get whoever they want. Why wouldn't a good looking person go after another hot person? They would; thus, they go after the bad boys and jocks with the nice bodies because they are fun. Then, they hit their pinnacle of looks, and they start depreciating in value. This is known as the "biological clock is ticking." Desperate for guys, they turn to the "nice" guy who is stable and have been saving money for a long time. Some guys are happy to drive that 2001 Mercedes. In its hay day, it looked good; now, the leather is worn and probably needs a new paint job, but these "nice" guys are still satisfied in driving that Mercedes.
exactly, but then you have some of those guys that do well enough that they reject those old women that would have rejected or did reject them and now they are chasing after the younger girls who will also sleep with them because they are successful those guys are saying "why settle for the 2001 Mercedes, when I can AFFORD the 2015"
@thewanderingme It works for relationships to. She's no longer in her prime so an older guy can still get a younger girl, not to mention if the guy wants to start a family he needs a younger girl.
Biological tock ticking usually is more in reference to the ability to have a child but both apply at the same time, also know as "hitting the wall." She's not what every guy wants anymore at her age, her value has diminished.
Lol everything about this post just shows your lack of intelligence. On top of that you are a 26 year old male not a 30+ female so your opinion is based on what exactly? Anyway to enlighten you I will tell you how it really is from a 31 year old female perspective. Firstly there is no distinction between 20s and 30s. You grow and mature slowly not jump between maturity levels suddenly because you woke up one day and you were 30 instead of 29. My experience was that when I first started dating guys I only dated guys based on what they looked like. After I gained more experience I was willing to sacrifice a bit of hotness for a great personality. That change in attitude happened well before I was 30. I can still choose between hot and average guys. If I meet a hot guy who has the personality to match I'll date him. If not, I won't date him. I'm open to dating average or hot guys but personality is most important.
@SydneyGirl84 Personality is now important since you know your biological clock is ticking away and it's time to settle down with a "loser" that will Father your children and help you secure your future.
@SydneyGirl84 With all due respect, this has nothing to do with maturity. What you call maturity or experience is what i call losing your sexual appeal. If you could retain your pinnacle hotness or attractiveness, you would continue to have fun or date those "hot" guys. However, you are reaching that age where you are not attracting those men, or they are not appealing to you because they are unstable. You need to settle down because you know you are aging and won't be able to attract any decent man down the road. Men want to date the hottest women that they can afford. Many men want that hot wife. With you losing your physical attractiveness, it's only sensible and wise to latch on to that nice guy because he provides a stable income before you lose even more of your physical attributes.
@SydneyGirl84 If you would care to elaborate, I'm curious what I missed? My opinion is based on many interactions and is based off of many opinions of others.
I get what you say. You can also take into account the nerds that got in shape and now attract those women, but these now attractive nerds can sense these women a mile away and either reject them or they become a drunken mistake. I was once the chubby nerdy guy in high school and i use to be humiliated by these type of women, but I got in shape at 19 and am now considered attractive, now I'm the one rejecting these women lol irony I guess
"Is the male ego so shallow/brittle that they can't see that women in question matured, became less shallow, learned from her past mistakes, and now prioritize traits that these guys posses that she didn't consider important in her youth?" Come on dude why would any guy want a chick who considered him beneath her when she was in his twenties but now that there both in their thirties and she is starting to hear that egg timer ticking she acts like his penis is made out of gold. While the things that made her attractive in her teens and 20s are rapidly losing value the man's stock is constantly growing. The women you have described are paying for poor judgment in their youth. The 30 year old guy now can pick and choose just like the women in their youth. Just one of life's funny little ironies.
@Eric644 exactly. We all have the free will to make our own choices. We just have to live with the consequences of those choices whether they are good or bad.
@snowangle Lol, how. I'm just stating the truth, what makes you think the nice guy will still be into you when you are 30 , I'm just stating the truth, the nice successful guy that was rejected I the past has a right to reject you if he no longer thinks you are desireable to him, that's just life
Women are giving us a Second Rate, Left Over version to us in their 30's. Why would you would want someone that is a shell of themselves? Why are we expected to accept something with open arms when we had to wait decades for a person no longer in their peak?
Nobody is worth waiting decades for especially a woman in her 30's. She is not as good looking, not as fun, worse body, looser pussy, looking for gold, and thinks of relationships as a business relationship.
The question is why are you not giving me time when you were in your peak? Why do you want a business relationship with me now when you don't look as good as you used to?
It's not really much of a complement if the girl spent her most attractive years sleeping around with guys she met at clubs and then shows interest in you only now that she is less attractive and looking for someone to buy a house and raise kids with. Bassically when you're the one she's only interested in when it's time for sacrifices and responsibilities. Many guys would prefer to have been one if the guys she wanted to just have fun with.
Also considering marriages don't tend to last very long and the guy is generally the one who loses the most in the case of a divorce, I wouldn't blame a guy for not wanting to settle down with that kind of girl.
Unfortunately your right @jaydogg1990. What you @asker are describing is how a lot of women mispend their youth fooling around and expect to pick up a willing man thats easnt good enough before, just like many of those so called bad boys do by not preparing for the future. a lot of women who wait until their thirties will find that best men are already taken, the good men are very picky and whats left is divorcees who havr been there done that and only what to have fun or those same bad boys who they no longer want and all the test. A woman's youth and beauty is something she should gift to her husband.
Well, I think they feel like they are overlooked by the girls when they are younger. Really, people who are younger have a different mindset. You aren't the same person at 18 that you are at 30.
I've see the phrase 'cock carousel' tossed around here a few times on the site. Oftentimes it's to refer to girl's who are younger who aren't interested in settling down. So they 'ride the cock carousel'. I personally hate the phrase. I think some of the guys complaining are just bitter. They are upset because they aren't being chosen. But I think everyone goes through some sort of rejection, it's a part of life.
in my opinion it's totally okay for someone to decide to want to just experiment and have fun at any age. People are or should be in control of their own lives and not let the opinions of other's dictate how they live their lives.
@dudeman The thing is though, it may not be because that person never wants to settle down. It just may not be a good time for them. Maybe they are moving around a lot and aren't sure where their life is going. Maybe they are going through some things emotionally, mentally, or otherwise that make it difficult for them to have healthy relationships. Should they then abstain from any sexual relationship then because they don't want to get married? To me, that makes no sense and isn't fair to those people. I think as long as someone is up front about that then there is nothing wrong. It's not that all women who are promiscuous just want to do so because they can't find a hot enough husband. It's more because they are young and want to just have fun. Guys do this too, so why chastise women for doing it? Who are these women having sex with?
The thing is, there are plenty of guys who just have casual sex when they are younger, then when they are older want to settle down.
Most people when they are younger are still finding themselves. So why chastice them for exploring that?
I don't know why people always want to pin it down to some women being evil and not being able to find a rich hot husband so they have to settle for the guys that will be with them. It's not always about that. Maybe the woman experimented and found out she really liked nerdy, sensitive guys? Should she not be allowed to be with someone if they make her happy? Shouldn't the guy be happy she wants to be with him and not the other guys she was with?
I'm just trying to play the devils advocate here, because honestly there is always 2 sides to the story.
Who are these women having sex with. Well only forty percent of men reproduce so it seems like the women are sleeping with the same men since nearly all women reproduce. Men should no longer toleratw the modern womens bullshit.
@dudeman Obviously I hit some kind of nerve with you. I feel like your question and responses are pretty biased. It's easy for people to come on here and say that women ride the cock carousel and only sleep with a select few men. But that's a very narrow-minded view and the reasons people chose the things they do is not always against you as a person or men in general. The thing is, people do things for a variety of reasons. If a woman doesn't want to sleep with you, move on. Maybe value women more for who they are as people instead of how many or how few people they sleep with. Then maybe you will get further with women. People have a sense for those who silently judge them.
@Darkfairie, I've never heard of that 'cock carousel' before that's pretty new. "Shouldn't the guy be happy she wants to be with him and not the other guys she was with?" But, honestly, that's not how it goes. I can approach that same point like this "Shouldn't the guy be bothered that he found out that he has been the last option and now it's his time?" Why do the good guys have to feel like they're the last option until women decide they're ready and then just drop that line of yours I quoted? "Shouldn't you be happy.." that's unfair as hell. These geeks have suffered the lack of basic human needs for years and yeah sure, "it's their problem, women don't owe them anything" of course, but, when these geeks study hard, work hard, rise and shine and become self-sufficient financially stable men and women are looking for just that complaining "where are the real men?", the proper reply should be "it's your problem you were experimenting on the 'cock carousel', we don't owe you anything."
@DBAOracle The thing is though, it's the guy who feels he is the last option. Is the girl telling him "oh, I only chose you because I couldn't find anyone better?". I've never heard anyone say that other than men. So to me, it seems that feeling seems to be coming from some place of insecurity. Maybe they knew the girl beforehand and she wasn't choosing them and was being reckless and then decided to chose them. But then why go out with her if it bothers you then? Just as much as she has a right to choose who she is with, you have a right to choose whether you want to be with her? I just don't see how getting upset over her choices should affect you? It shouldn't. What I'm saying is that it's not always about the fact that the woman couldn't find someone better. I was suggesting that perhaps she was just not in a place where she wanted those things at that time and then got older and her perspective on live changed.. People do change. Their preferences change. People evolve.
Also, I understand the frustration. I worked hard my entire life so far and have a good job, good head on my shoulders and am looking for a stable relationship. Those are hard to find now a days. I've been told I'm one of the 'good girls'. I don't party, never have been much of a partier and I'm pretty low-key. I get overlooked all the time.
But I guess what I'm saying is try not to take it personally. It sucks, and it's okay to be frustrated. But hopefully someday you find someone who means a lot to you and gets you out of the dating world.
@Darkfairie17 No girl will say "I couldn't find better", that doesn't happen, actions speak louder than words. For a man to be left behind for all this time, insecurity is a result not a cause. I have absolutely no problem with the choices women make but rather the exploitation that takes place. After these men studied and worked hard while feeling lonely and unwanted, the girls were partying and having fun. When the girls decide to become mothers, they don’t go for the same guys they hung out with before, they go for the guys they ignored in which by that time, these men are so desperate, they say yes to anything. Leave the Turkey in the oven for all that time then hop in for the meal. And these men are wanted not because of what they are but rather what they have and what they can provide. Geeks by that time, should act the same way these girls did before; party, sleep around, ignore the good women out there.. etc. Fair is fair, and everyone has the right to make their own choices.
@Darkfairie17 Appreciate the good words but I’m not as frustrated as you think. I’m not a virgin, I’ve been in a relationship before (only 1, never again) that lasted 1.5 years, me and my ex's only contact is sexual favors so I’m not sexually frustrated; anymore at least. But, before that relationship, I know how it is to be lonely and all of that and as I started looking at the system from beginning to end, it has been to our disadvantage from day 1. We study hard as students, work hard as employees and then once we grow older, we’re supposed to be responsible fathers or we get shamed. When are we supposed to have fun? Same way these women did during their younger days? It’s just unfair. That’s why I’m against the tide as people tell these men “fix yourself”, “love yourself”, “be confident” it’s all bullocks, “study hard, work hard. Do not pay any attention to what women want but rather what YOU want. You weren’t given attention before, you have the moral excuse not to give any now."
"Shouldn't the guy be happy she wants to be with him and not the other guys she was with?" The guy will never be happy for the girl choosing another guy over him initially. Nobody girl or guy is happy being a back up, second rate choice.
@JohnB1 I can certainly understand that feeling. But do you really know a lot of girls you knew when you were younger? Maybe I am in the minority, but I don't know many people I knew when I was younger other than my friends, and I don't date my friends (they are all already paired up). None of the guys in my circle with date me. So I've always dated random people.
I often explain this to a lot of the single ladies I work with. The truth is that these second pick guys are now more picky about who they date these days and are thinking with their heads as opposed to anything else and just not willing to settle. Its not that they are unwilling to date these girls its just they have high standards that a lot of these women fail to meet and will judge each woman's ability to be a good wife objectively and consider what she may bring to a potential marriage rather than letting love alone be the deciding factor. Men are just looking at dating more like the way women do but rest assured that if a man finds the right woman he will marry her until then he will enjoy being single. In short the women you talk about have less dating options but those previously rejected guys in their 30's are finding that the dating world is now their oyster and these women are now just not good enough for them.#irony
Guys who think like this are probably just bitter that they weren't getting any action while THEY were in their prime the same way the woman was. not everyone in their early twenties is looking for a damn husband or wife. If you're hot, you'll have relationships that usually fail and you have plenty of fun sexual experience. When you get to the age where you want to settle down and have a family then you go for the people who ALSO want to settle down and have a family.
If a guy wasn't getting action when he was young maybe he's desperate for anyone who will give him attention and will "settle" for the hot 30 year old?
Or he will go after the younger girls, so what, he has every right to catch up on what he missed out on, so women shouldn't be bitter about this either
I think more guys are bitter about that? "Only whores want this old guy for his money, they don't really love him" "I'm not rich so I can't get younger girls, women are so fucking shallow" @Eric644
We are talking about a 30 year old guy not a 60 year old. But I don't think women should complain when guys they passed on because they didn't look like Brad Pitt reject them for younger women because they are successful or they get in shape and become attractive. He has every right to say "honey, you missed your chance". I just find that these women expect these guys to still be into them and available to them now that they are "settling" for mr nice guy and when they aren't, they act very bitter and call them old perverts when the guy is only 30 and still looks young, guess what just like women's preferences may change the guy's also does and now the girl is no longer desireable to him and is now in his shoes when they were 20
I guess that makes sense if you live in a tiny town and never move and have openly rejected a guy when you were younger and then gone to that exact same guy and he has somehow become super successful or good looking and HE now rejects HER... But exactly. No one should be bitter about random people dating who they want. @Eric644
I don't live in a small town I just happen to bump into women that rejected me when I wasn't that attractive and I always reject them unless she was nice about it but most of the women that rejected me were rude and those are most of those same women I bump into that now like me, I reject them and it's not being bitter, it's having dignity,
We are bitter because These woman are looking for a business relationship, not love. We want the girl in her prime, not diminished looks. These woman are looking for a business relationship, not love. Men want to be chosen. Men don't want to be used by some party girl past her prime.
@JohnB1 that's another problem, guys think that a hot woman can't fall in love with a decent guy. They're only capable of being whores. And it downplays good average looking guys. No one could possibly love them for being them, right?
Men want a girl in her prime? Women want MEN in their prime. The hot people get together in their prime and then when it's time to settle down and everyone has lost some of their looks they "settle" aka, fall for one another for what truly matters (which isn't fucking looks)
That's selfish thinking. Girls expect guys to settle on demand and that needs to stop. Guys are their own person and should not be commanded to follow what girls force them to do, like settle. Guys have their own lives and rights to choose who they want to accept/reject.
@JohnB1 that's selfish thinking? "Men want women in their prime, not diminished looks" -_- Girls do NOT expect a guy to settle down on the spot, but older women (30's) who are single are usually looking for a long term relationship, short term is for children and young people. And you're right, guys have the freedom to choose, but if hey choose to get married that automatically means they were tricked and trapped into doing it?
Every question you look at on here you despair for the people asking them. You talk about men as if we're 1 big committee grinding out proposals in a smoky room and passing it into out law as of behaviour. The only thing I've got in common with most men is a dick and a pair of bollocks. Women aren't one big committee like feminists think. Blacks whites Chinese Arabs same thing. Get a 3d perspective on the world by living in it instead if reading about it off a screen which is full of bullshit usually written by halfwits
Everyone's dating preference changes. You always have to be somewhat attracted to your partner though. Some girls go through a "bad boy" phase for a number of reasons. It could be image, excitement, some immaturity on her end, we were all teenagers at one point in out lives. I know I've changed as a person, in high school I was more focused on being a class clown. When I turned 21 is when I really started to be who I am, no fucks given. When I turned 23, I returned home from deployment and shortly after ended up getting married for 4 years. You know there are certain things that I look for now, based on how my first marriage went. You just live and learn as you go along. Men and women both do it.
'But as they mature into their 30's decide to go for something different, or someone they would not have considered dating/sleeping in their 20's, teens?'
because it's as if they are settling down for 'less' at this point. chances are they will be more sexually experienced than this man who will have to settle for somebody else's sloppy seconds (or sloppy thirty-seconds) at best. the women that got fucked and chucked by the alpha males suddenly decide they would like to be with beta males (who should be overjoyed at the idea and feel very privileged) after all.
no!!! while im not a bad looking guy and can say I do ok in my dating life, if i was in that guy's position i would reject a woman who rejected me or would have rejected me in her 20's. before i got in shape, i wasn't attractive but that's since changed and I've rejected women who rejected me when I wasn't attractive.
I don't know why they're against it. I'm not against it, I just don't want to be talked down to with plain-as-day nonsense.
I would date an ex-party-girl that banged studs when were were 19, but would not have touched me with a 10 foot pole, but only if she owns up to it. I have no interest in having a deluded psycho as a girlfriend.
And your flip side is erroneous, since 95% of guys do not have the smv to consistently (if ever) get laid outside a committed relationship. A average girl can get a stud into bed, no problem, and she should enjoy it. But if you start trying to construct fairy tales around it, to get a provider guy to feel good about himself, that's sick.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
They're thinking about what would be best for them - not girls. So they won't understand or empathize. She's just a bad person because she's not doing what they want her to do, and what would be best for them. It's what many people do though, not just guys. Some women get upset when they see older men dating younger girls for instance. We focus on ourselves.
But anyway, funny thing is if they were in her place, and had a ton of hot girls willing to date them, they'd take full advantage of it. Some guys do have those opportunities, and they're the most promiscuous people ever. But girls, no, when we get all that choice we're just expected to be good girls and say no. Don't date those hot, fun, outgoing guys and have amazing sex- it doesn't matter if he excites you and you're not ready for anything serious now anyway - force yourself to date and settle down with me right now.
That's true, but instead of brushing off it as just male ego we should not forget that their point is not wrong, women did infact made the same mistake, and not once,.. many times, before finally realizing their fault.
So let's just say it's a combination of female stupidity and male ego.
Its just hateful bitter guys who like to lie to themselves and say if the hot girl that's pining for decides she wants him when she's in her late 20s rather than now he's gonna be a big man and turn her down. Its funny because if the girl is consistently going out with cocky jerks who treat everyone like shit she's probably just like that herself yet he's dying for her. Its hypocritical. Its that or he's just labeling any guy who can get girls a jerk out of jealously
Bitter towards girls who feel entitled to take a guys money. Women in 30's want a business relationship, not love. Its ok to feel bitter towards a girl using guys for their money. You entitled women don't deserve shit.
@JohnB1 lol for all yalls bitching about gold diggers you'd think more women would be gold diggers but they're not. Most guys don't even have any gold to dig I don't see why y'all are worried.
You're not past 30 and a won't know until to get there. Single women my age want a guy who makes over $80k per year. They are looking for a business relationship.
For me it's more along the lines of this: "She's not thinking ahead. She's living in the moment, not thinking about the future and thus, not living or attempting to live to her full potential."
I am a very idealistic guy and am not like a lot of guys out there, and I think if a girl were to just stop and think about it for second she'd realize that. Then she'd be able to draw her own conclusions. If I am the right guy, I am the right guy. It shouldn't take her 20 years to figure that out.
Life is short and any worthwhile guy that values other people and life itself isn't going to have time for bullshit. If I see and perceive things in one manner, I'm going to want a girl that is on the same page.
The short answer is that guys aren't stupid. We know when we're the 17th choice of some desperate woman. No one wants to be another person's fallback, and the fact is that for many guys it's too late for them to begin the life they want by their 30s.
Most commitment-minded guys *want* to find a mate in their 20s and settle down. They don't want to be raising young kids at the age of 40 and beyond. So, in essence, getting passed over in your 20s can mean a serious change in life goals for many guys simply because life is finite. Their window of opportunity for having a family is gone for them because all the available women are either divorced or can't conceive because they have every STD known to man.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I've always been into the nerds/weirdos more. for me though, when I was in high school and tried flirting with them they just looked at me like I was crazy and blew me off. it wasn't until a few years ago that they started flirting back.
many women though only change when they get older because they're sick of assholes and they see them as safe.
So many men out there do have brittle egos anyway. Especially the ones who call themselves (no one called them that, they call themselves) "alpha males".
literally EVERYONE'S priorities for everything change with age, I settled down with the first guy I dated sure, but my current priority is my education and travelling the world and that will obviously change when I no longer have to worry about my education and I start a new stage of life.
while most women like the same traits, generally, many women weigh them differently, and the weights a woman may apply to different traits change as she ages. For example, a college party girl slut will heavily prioritize looks, while not expecting her sexual partners to have degrees or full time jobs. A single mom will prioritize income, home ownership, and job stability. And you'll see all kinds of things in between. Fancy degrees and a huge income are never negatives, but the amount of weight you get for them can vary woman by woman.
The short answer? Yes. lol. Society likes to paint women as irrational and overly emotional, but in reality I swear it's men. Many of us are such babies, either reacting with hurt feelings or just plain getting angry over nothing.
Nah fuck that, for me it's not an ego thing or anything. It's very unfair that guys get nothing in their youth... you not getting that time back. Ever. Your youth... you jerked it away. So you missed out. I find it cruel. That's supposed to be the time of fun. Then women have the audacity to give guys shit when they become 30yr old players or divorce etc. it's not ego... it's quality of life. I just want that fun which was denied to me in my youth.
Most women have unrealistic and shallow expectations their entire lives, so this article is null and void to me. Dating/attraction is really lopsided because women are entitled in this country. I have seen so many dating profiles that list Income as "Prefer not to say" and Income they look for as "$50,000-$75,000". it is disgusting.
@9mfeo Incorrect. It was largely printed on your page as one of your past opinions, so I went to see what the question was and what your answer was. If you consider someone saying they don't agree with your response as a fight, it sounds like it says something about you more than the person who didn't agree.
@9mfeo I didn't HAVE to do anything, I chose to. Obsessed with you? You're not that interesting, I went to your page to look closer at your avatar because I thought you looked Japanese in your photo until I looked closer.
Simply put, the guy wants to get with the girl when she is younger and hotter. Who wants to be continuously passed up in his 20s for female company AND be #SloppySeconds in his 30s and beyond?
9
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I hardly ever see this internet phenomenon in real life. Party boys get guts, lose their hair and their booze tolerance and settle down with aging party girls most of the time.
I'm going to guess, since these are different than the crowd I'm used to, that maybe they didn't change at all. They were probably opportunistic to start with. They wanted status, invites to cool parties, drugs or whatnot and later they want money? Some people are assholes, through and through. But most people stick with their "kind" ...
I agree men see no problem with sleeping around with sluts and they want a Virgin when they are in their 30s, and then they tell men to avoid women who use to date the jockey, the hot guy or the alpha male in their 20s its, very hypocritical.
A woman can change her dating preferences in her 30's but it's only because she can no longer compete with younger, fitter, sexier women, so she figures that she needs to settle down with a safe and secure guy. The type of guys they would have rejected in their twenties.
Most men are now starting to see through this and are rejecting these women. @Prof_Don is right, it's essentially settling for sloppy seconds and any man with an ego or with some kind of back bone isn't going to accept that.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I'm not agaisnt it but I would def not date a girl who is whorng around at any point in life. I'm 27 and my girlfriend is hitting 20 so i guess I'm the "good looking guy" not the point dexter.
Tbh I used to be the point decter but then I hit the gym and my luck changed, anyone can do this if you let yourself be last choice thats all on you.
When you get rejected by young girls early on you have to choices
- whine and moan how alll girls like bad boys or - - start dressing better, get a better physique and work on your social skills while still ebeing the nice guy
I'm sure if a guy is decent looking with a good body and is a nice guy a lot of girls would pick him over th ejeck off bad boy
My advice to pointdexters out there is to stop whining and tostart working on themselves
Because when women hit their 30's they don't really just suddenly want the provider guy. It's an act. Even at the age of 30 women still do want the "upper echelon" males. They don't see the guys they settled down with as true lovers. They see them as minor companions at best and money generators at worst.
So yea. Why would I want to be with a woman who I know isn't ever going to truly love me or place me in any form of priority?
I wish I had your intelligence at 18, you're spot on man, absolutely. You know these women are with you for your money, your stability and the security you provide them meanwhile what do they offer you? Nothing. Just a mashed up vagina and some deep, underlying personalities issues.
I've told you from my first hand experience how it is. Does your "interaction" with me not count? I feel sorry for you if you disregard the opinions / personal experience of those who don't have such a twisted negative view of the dating world and form your opinions around whoever gave you your ideas and who have no clue what they're doing in dating.
Well it's a little late for that. Yeah it's true, this is what a lot of guys do and honestly they should let them go. But if a guy genuinely loves his girlfriend and feels emotionally attached and then she goes for a thing like this then, not a good thing...
0
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
They are against it, because they hate the fact that those women could have what they wanted for themselves, but couldn't. The guys who could have it don't think it's a big deal, because their own preferences have changed as well. Also, nobody likes to be "second" choice.
This goes both ways. Sweet, shy girls are expected to watch from the sidelines, purity ring in tact, while the popular alpha males screw all the hot promiscuous girls until they're ready to take their blushing, inexperienced princess for marriage.
What men are against women changing their dating preferences? Everyone has the right to be attracted to who ever they feel attracted to, whether they resemble previous mates or are a complete opposite.
A lot of men are against women who overlooked them when the woman was in her prime. We want the girl in her prime, not diminished looks. These woman are looking for a business relationship, not love. Men want to be chosen. Men don't want to be used by some party girl past her prime.
It is simple. Guys did not worked so hard just to spend it all to girls who see them as a savior from their own chosen experiences.
It is like waiting in the car for her while she is partying inside the building. WE DON'T WANT TO WAIT! We are worth than that. And we guys respect ourselves. We... respect... ourselves. PERIOD.
to be honest, I've always rejected women who rejected me, i just feel like i'm a "second option" and no man wants that, we won't be with a woman who wasn't attracted to us initially.
Well at a certain level of hotness, people become vile creatures. But we all still covet them. We all want the opportunities of the beautiful people. It's not inherently male to have a fragile ego, saying so is sexist.
Bc they feel entitled to women that would not give them the time of day in their 20’s. Men who are bitter don’t give two dams one way or another about someone ELSE’s
We're male, and if you want actual facts look into the field of biology science and mass behavior. My opinion? I find it that women goes for the guy with the biggest wallet to marry, but a playboy to fuck. Why? 'Cause they're women.
It's surprising how fragile many male's egos are. It's embarrassing to me as a man actually.
6
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I don't care what party-girls do when they grow out of their "wild" phase. My fiancee is inexperienced like me, and we will have a much stronger relationship than that of a reformed party-girl "trying" to settle down. They made their bed, they can lie in it.
0
1 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
More and more men are waking up and not putting up with the "reformed" women, and those men should NOT be shamed for spurning them. You women are trying to say "I have the right to sleep around AND settle down with a man who didn't sleep around," while telling that man to suck it up and deal with it.
It's not that there's a shift in behavior but a shift in reasoning. Your adequacy is quite literally based on whim and nothing more. It's demoralizing honestly.
I don't have any problem with it. Guys are butthurt, I suppose the ones who get annoyed by this are the ones who never get any girl long term because they suck!
lol like you emotionally got your ass beat and then went running and crying to the nerd after you rejected him. he's a right to being a little bent out of shape about it
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Which film is that Zac Efron still from? What's it about?
I don't know that everyone does this tho right?
Clarify tho.. do you mean guys change who they want to date at different ages?
It's sad to see men used for the money. That's about it.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Because guys who all of a sudden in their 30's have women interested in them and it makes them feel worthless and makes the all of a sudden interest in them seem fake.
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