Stay at home dads?

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Please explain your answer. Please be respectful in your answers and responses!

I am a man and I would be comfortable being a stay at home dad.

I am a man and I'm not sure I would be comfortable being a stay at home dad.

I am a man and I wouldn't be comfortable being a stay at home dad.

I would be comfortable with my husband/male partner being a stay at home dad.

I'm not sure I would be comfortable with my husband/male partner being a stay at home dad.

I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband/male partner being a stay at home dad.

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[redeyemindtricks]

I earn the vast majority of our household income. My husband makes an income, too -- but he's part-time, and his share is entirely disposable income (we live well below *my* means, let alone both of ours).

The term "stay-at-home" is relative, since we are both freelancers who work primarily from home and are in complete control of our schedules. As such, it's generally very easy for either of us to pick up the slack when it comes to the kids (we have three, and the plan is to adopt at least two more), especially if one of us is sick, stressed, or loaded down with more than the usual amount of work.
My husband is the kids' primary caretaker. His work is 100% out of his workshop in a converted fraction of our garage, and it consists pretty much exclusively of large commissions on relatively long-term deadlines... so he has the flexibility to work 0 hours for several weeks straight, if absolutely necessary. So, whenever I have to travel to meet clients or go to trade shows, THAT is when he is the "stay-at-home" parent.

In any case -- Regardless of how accurate or inaccurate the term "stay-at-home" might be, it's stupid to think anything is wrong with what he does, or that he's any less of a man as a result. Fuck no.
He's always been devastatingly sexy... but that went to a whole 'nother level the first time I ever saw him holding our baby in his arms, and, it's been that way ever since.

It helps that he is NOT the "sensitive type" in general, at all. Quite the opposite, he's literally a former delinquent from the street, and he pretty much shows no emotion for anyone or anything -- except his wife (that's me <3 ) and his children. That's what really makes the whole thing work.

Cooking is something both of us do. I can cook an entire week's meals for all 5 of us -- including meals calibrated to precise fat/carb/protein/calorie numbers for me and him -- AND pack them all in about 1 hour and 10 minutes, so, it's stupid to think that cooking is a big imposition.

As for cleaning -- I hire a team of maids to deep-clean our house once or twice a month. They deep-clean the entire house for what I make in less than half a day's work, so... yeah. The rest of the cleaning, the five of us just get done.

Most importantly, at the end of the day, this is my husband's house. He is DEFINITELY the head of this family.
Anyone who thinks that headship has ANYTHING to do with bringing in a paycheck... doesn't understand headship.
Doesn't understand it at all.

[fauchelevent]

I'd actually be super comfortable with my partner doing that. My boyfriend and I have spoken about that kind of thing before and, actually, if we ever had a financial situation where only one of us needs to work, he'd be the one to stay at home with the children. It just suits us more. He enjoys cleaning and cooking (and is much better at it than me) and is probably gonna be better at looking after children than I could ever be. He isn't bothered what job he has, he doesn't really want to work at all. I, on the other hand, know that I do want to work and I know what I love and I'm enthusiastic about it. I couldn't be in the house all day, I'd go insane, I need to go out and do something, which he's happy not to do. So yeah, in my situation, it'd work out better if he was a stay at home dad.

[Alyssa1111]

My dad has been one for the past ten years. It's been the most frustrating ten years for me and him.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Would you mind explaining why?

[Alyssa1111]

Honestly it's hard to explain. But it's just uncomfortable lol. For both of us. But I guess he's happy otherwise he would have done something about it.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Have you two talked about it?

[Alyssa1111]

I try to talk about it to him all the time but he always changes the subject

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I can see why that would be a problem. I'm sorry that it isn't working for you.

[Alyssa1111]

Yeah.. thanks :)

[ElissaDido]

wouldn't be comfortable with my husband/male partner being a stay at home dad.

[akadatank44]

Yeah id be comfortable with being a stay at home dad but more along the lines of will it benefit us financially. If I marry a doctor financially it might be better for me to stay home and watch the kids so we are not put in a higher tax bracket. But with that I'd have side projects and side business where not only would I watch the kids I'd still be working and probably a lot more enjoyable and more than the average Joe would do at his job.

[DocHolliday904]

It all depends, if money is an issue and she makes more I would stay at home (I can do a good bit of jobs from home actually) and take away the extra cost of child care... I dont trust most people any way

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Would you be home schooling then or sending the kids to school when they reach that age?

[DocHolliday904]

home schooling, but with interactions with other children their age

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Interesting choice. Thank you for clarifying!

[DocHolliday904]

@LittleMissCuriousity as I stated, I dont trust daycares and I trust schools even less lol

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Oh, I don't trust them either. But most people still think that public schools are the best choice, even if they don't trust them. I was home schooled, so I've seen first hand the good it can do.

[DocHolliday904]

I was not, but I got lucky and had a few teachers who encouraged me to think outside the syllabus, as it were. to read things like Nietzsche and Voltaire and Freud and Jung etc

[KyleSmith]

Being more emotion and nurturing then the average man, I would love to be a stay at home dad. I absolutely love kids and family is the most important thing to me.

However with this said, I would still feel on a small scale mind you, a bit emasculated. Which would inevitably result in me volunteering for various extracurricular activities and possibly a part time job as they grew older.

[Oram52]

No I would not be comfortable being stay at home dad. I would definitely work, and of course help raise kiddies as well.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

If you don't mind me asking, why wouldn't you be comfortable with it?

[Oram52]

Solely staying at home to raise kids at home doesn't feel Masculine. And I'll definitely go mad. I love kids but being a stay at home dad does not suit my ambitions.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Fair enough, thank you for clarifying.

[Oram52]

I'm curious. What prompted you to ask this question. Would you prefer a partner who would be stay at home dad.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I asked because I recently read an article about a couple where the wife worked full time and the husband took care of the children. But yes, I would prefer a stay at home husband. I've never been the home maker type.

[Mesonfielde]

I voted B) because if I don't work, we'll go bankrupt.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I take it you're already in a relationship?

[Mesonfielde]

Yes.

Of course, she has a job too. It's just that I earn more.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

So it takes both of your incomes to support your lifestyle?

[Mesonfielde]

That's pretty much a given in this country.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I see. Here it isn't necessarily, depending on how much people make. Thank you for clarifying!

[Azgeda]

I have nothing against it but looking at the cost of living , yeah the option of stay-at-home dad or wife is pretty much a prohibitively expensive option unless you skim on a lot of things in life.

[RandomBritishGuy94]

If we had enough money I'd be more then happy to do it however considering what I currently earn and what I hope to earn in 4 years (going to university in September) I doubt it'll be an option.

[Katy16]

I'd be ok with it, although I'd prefer to stay home myself

[chc0009]

As a man, I would not be comfortable being a stay at home dad. I want to go out and work for the money, even if the wife works.

[NYkid27]

I respect stay at home dads but I'd never want to be one

[mentor]

Never in my life will I be a stay home dad and I cringe to the men who are I have no respect he should be the one working

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Even if his wife is making more money than they need and she's not the homemaking type?

[mentor]

there is never too much money and I still think there is no option for a man to stay home. like In the future in my family I will be working and if my wife is working that is fine if she wants to stay home that is fine but I will never take the option to stay home myself

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Thank you for clarifying.

[KittieCat]

As long as he isn't like my dad I'm fine with it

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Would you mind clarifying?

[KittieCat]

Left work to be with me as a kid and...
- Doesn't do anything besides sit at his computer
- Makes the house into a mess
- Stinks up whereever he is because of poor hygeine
- Doesn't pay off the mortgage (he agreed to when managing finances)
- Never spent any time with me
- Is a complete moron
- Let's my mom work her ass off to pay for my schooling
- Let the nanny raise me
- Claims he's a good father and stay at home dad

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Wow, I can see why that would be an issue. Thank you for sharing!

[KittieCat]

No problem!

[soulbabe]

well im not going to quite working but i dont want him to quit eather

[Prof_Don]

I don't think I could do it, I'd go stir crazy not working. :-/

[Anonymous]

Love how you assume all girls should be ok by being an stay home mother... lol so much for equality

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I didn't make that assumption, my question is just aimed at men because it seems to be a controversial issue at the moment. I recently read an article about a couple, she worked and he took care of their children and home. They were comfortable with it, but told their friends and relatives that he worked online because they were embarrassed. I'm just curious about how people would feel with a similar dynamic.

[Dred1614]

Never in a million years would I consider it.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Why not? Not judging, just curious.

[Dred1614]

That's the wife's job unless she wants to work.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Why is that her job?

[Dred1614]

She's the woman. Women take care of the kids. That's their function.

[Mesonfielde]

Their function is giving birth to them. Raising them takes both parents.

[Dred1614]

@Mesonfielde Obviously

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Very traditional opinion, interesting.

[Dred1614]

Not really. Note that I said women should stay home unless they want to work. I'm not one to force her to quit work.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Saying that the function of women is taking care of children is a very traditional opinion.

[Dred1614]

That is true.

[Touchmehxx]

Um. The 1900s called. They want their sexism back

[Dred1614]

@Touchmehxx funny.

[Riggers]

Nah, I couldn't stay at home all day.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

I wouldn't mind being a stay at home dad.

[Jessicocoa]

I want my husband and I to work.

[jwhit]

I'd never be one, I prefer to work.

[Fearless_banana]

Beta as fck

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Excuse me?

[Fearless_banana]

You can re read it if you want.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

I was asking for clarification, but thank you for proving that you're as asinine and supercilious as your comment.

[Fearless_banana]

Np babe. message me if you want noodz