Why does everyone seem to hate needy or clingy people?

[babet]

There's this really interesting scenario described at Quora, and it illustrates just how unattractive neediness is.

And I see lots of questions on here about being needy or being too clingy, and it seems obvious that NOBODY likes it. I'm just wondering what about it - specifically - turns people off so quickly?

If you really hate a needy or clingy person, why exactly is that?

[ak666]

For me it's the way they strip you of all independence.

The neediest girlfriend I ever had started giving me ultimatums about breaking up with me if I spent time with my friends instead of her (when I had spent time with her for three weeks straight every chance I could).

She made my life all about her -- her her her her her. And it worked early on, but after a few months, I was getting tired of her her her her her her. I saw her flaws more clearly, she starting become less attractive in my mind (even though she was physically attractive).

She pushed me and pushed me and pushed me to a point where just making my whole life revolve around her made me tire of her faster than any other girl I dated.

[ak666]

In my case I have a high resilience for very emotional people (she certainly was a mess, especially when I started rejecting her ultimatums), but mostly it was just the her her her her her thing. She never gave me a chance to miss her or fall in love with her. She kept demanding every second of my free time with her.

[bloodmountain1990]

It's a major turnoff because the person is generally insecure and is dependent on your presence. They also won't let you live your life.

There's a fine line between staying in touch and being a ball and chain.

For example, if a girl/guy you're dating early on throws a fit if you can't hang out a certain day and you even offer to reschedule and they still get pissed then that's a sign of clinginess.

If you can't trust a person or be happy without seeing them for a few days then how can you possibly feel that way in a relationship?

[bloodmountain1990]

I've never even been in a serious relationship and yet I've ended it with women who were cute but overzealous and too clingy. I'm not desperate for that.

Clinginess is super annoying and I've had to learn the hard way in the past how certain behaviors came across as clingy.

It's fine to have feelings for someone, miss them, etc but if you can't let a person do the things they enjoy doing whether it's a hobby or hanging with other friends then you have trust issues and dot respect others time.

[19magic]

Yeah same I was dating a guy for a week and after two days the clingy was old. We had to have phone calls every day for at least an hour or two, I got to school early, stayed late and my lunchtime and breaktime was dominated by him. I sat with my mates for twenty mins and he came over and was sweet talking me saying he missed me.

[bloodmountain1990]

@19magic Yeah with this one, I saw this girl 3 times in 2 weeks and she asked if I was still interested in seeing her literally every time I agreed to date, offered to reschedule, or said I gotta think about it, this weeks busy.

It just became too much. Not to mention that if I didn't respond to her smapchats soon enough, she'd send a nude, pics of her in underwear, or her face to get my attention which is obviously her fishing for compliments.

That'd be like me showering a girl with gifts and compliments if she didn't respond to me soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I've been in one relationship and I never hated it if he was being needy or clingy. It actually made me feel good if he was being kinda clingy and I was happy to oblige and be clinged to. If it was to a serious degree then it would make me uncomfortable.

With friends I'm also okay with it but I can only tolerate smaller doses because I need a decent amount of alone time.

So personally I don't hate it unless it's more extreme but I'm sure a lot of people do.. why, I can't say exactly.

[DiamondRuby]

I hate it when it's obsessive, where I can't live my life without them constantly checking in and giving the third degree. But I myself am very needy. I need reassurance that I'm still wanted and appreciate regular check ins. I think there's a line. Since I probably qualify for what society considers clingy, my line is probably higher than most. I say always show you care, never let them doubt, but don't infringe upon personal freedom. But that's just me.

[Sara413]

Because it's not fair to make another person feel fully responsible for your feelings and self esteem. That's a huge burden and it's unfair. Clingy/needy people make their partners feel guilty when they want to just think about themselves once in a while. Also, they can be extremely difficult to leave when the person decides they don't want to be with them anymore, often refusing to let go and begging for them back, guilt tripping them, etc.

[Mollyxxx]

I was in a relationship with a severely depressed and terminally ill man, at first it was alright and all I wanted to do was help him. But eventually his neediness sucked the energy out of me and robbed me of my free will, that along side his emotional abuse caused me to break up with him.

[jameson187]

Are you really 18? That seems young to be going through all of that.

[Mollyxxx]

@jameson187
Yes I am only 18. 😅I am passed that now and am in a really happy relationship.

[jameson187]

Where at 18 did you meet a terminally Ill man?

[Mollyxxx]

@jameson187
I met a guy streaming a video game online - we talked and connected and became a couple. He had sickle cell beta thalasemia.

[madhatters4]

to me a person shouldn't be dependent on another person. yes you want to be with someone, you enjoy being with someone, you feel better in a relationship but we are still individuals

sure clingy can show that you like someone but it can also show a lack of sovereignty

[FakeName123]

Neediness is looked down upon, because it usually combines with weakness, insecurities and such.

Personally I do want a partner who wants to spend much time with me, because I want to do the same - but there is a fine line between wanting to spend much time and it being a psychological necessarity to achieve internal well-being.

[Browneye57]

Who wants to babysit another adult? If you want to babysit, just do that.
An SO/spouse needs to be able to stand on their own two feet - have their own life, their own friends, their own interests. A mate cannot be an end-all do-all for the other one.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever had to carry around a heavy weight for hours on end? Like a child? And one that cries if you put it down for even 5 seconds?

It's physically exhausting.

Well a clingon is like that - but emotionally exhausting.

[FakePrincess]

I think being emotionally distant/ unavailable is much worse. Having said that, I take clingy over frigid every single time.

[fuqthegovt]

Most people want a partner not someone to babysit. Personally I just want sex and the rest gets annoying rather fast, especially if there's lots of it. Maybe I'm not the only one?

[Puppylove94]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30321-top-5-reasons-why-women-don-t-want-clingy-men

[brewersfan01]

its just childish behavior. I like a independent woman who like to hang out becuase she wants too, not cause she needs it, or needs to text all the fuckin time. I dont want to be a babysitter, i want to be a team.

[AwsomeAmy]

I think being clingy (not like controlling clingy) is really cute, it shows they care

[Bluegold007]

Needy is annoying!! I can't believe it's called into question. I was using that meetme app and started talking to someone. We've never met and for a good reason. Already been asking to be a couple and talked about me moving in with her. Wtf?

[Loveherbut]

I like them as long as they are genuine about it and not only doing it to control ut thoughts while they cheat on u

[TheButterfly]

Because they are annoying as hell. Be your own person and leave me alone

[babeeeone]

I don't hate or dislike needy or clingy people in any way

[runchickenrun]

I wonder if other clingy people hate clingy people?

[Anonymous]

I like clingy people because I feel needed and liked Lol

[breathofreshair]

we live in a society of fakes and bad/dysfinction

[Blud007]

I like girls that always grab my belly