Boyfriend won't add me on Facebook?

[Anonymous]

What should I do? I've asked him about it and he won't say why. The closest thing to an answer I've gotten is "because who gives a fuck?"
But I've creeped his fb and he has some photos set to public that are pics of exes and I know for a fact he had his most recent ex on Facebook.
When we first met I didn't have a Facebook and he actually contacted me by searching my LinkedIn account. But now I do and I've requested him.

Why not me?

Updates

+1 y

He added me today because I told him I was going to break up with him

[fauchelevent]

My boyfriend didn't add me until almost five years into our relationship :P We'd known each other for roughly nine years by the time h accepted my friend request on facebook. His reasoning was that he found it hilarious and it became something like an inside joke and I didn't mind either. Yours sounds a little off on him not saying why... Not being facebook friends isn't necessarily bad but not being able to give an adequate answer is dodgy.

[btbc92]

While I don't agree with this social media thing about showing who your dating or relationship business. But if he has ex pictures on there and he is not being at least platonic with one ex, it is a red flag. He should not be having pictures of ex's on his social media or anywhere. That means he has not moved on. And it is possible that he is speaking to one of his ex's in an manner that you may not agree with.

[btbc92]

Update:

Okay @Asker, no offense but I think you handled that a bit too far for him to put you up on Facebook like that. Its not going to make him too happy. And this will make him feel like he isn't in control over what he does for now on. The one question I need to ask you is WHY do you personally feel that he needs to add or have you on his Facebook account?

[Asker]

Because why wouldn't he?

[btbc92]

@Asker

Because it shouldn't have to be other peoples business unless he doesn't mind. That's one thing that I hate about with social media. Your relationship should only be as public as you two allow it to be, or it can't get out of hand. It should not have to be a benefactor for your relationship. Its leads to immaturity. Did you discuss this properly with him about why you feel so strongly that he MUST add you, or there is not relationship?

[btbc92]

Remember that relationships take Two to tango. Your not his wife, you are his girlfriend. If you can't trust him for any reason whatsoever, then you shouldn't be with him period. Because by him doing this now because your basically threatened him with that ultimatum. He's going to get more touchy and private now. Less likely to open up and he will do so begrudgingly, not willingly out of love. And if he feels trapped, it may lead to cheating or he may break up with you. Just giving you a heads up.

[Asker]

I don't think he's cheating on me. It's a not a trust issue. It's a why-are-you-hiding-our-relationship issue.
What makes you so much of an expert?

[btbc92]

@Asker

Never said that he was cheating. What I am telling you is future implications because I 'sense' it that this is what he is feelings already. His reaction to what he said as you have wrote: "because who gives a fuck?" Means exactly that. Your not reading what he is saying. He's saying that he doesn't want any and everybody in your relationship. And thats good. Because the moment you involved EVERYBODY that shouldn't be in it, they'll tell you things that can damage your relationship from the inside out. Because you opened those doors. How can you break a good bound, when the easiest way to break it is when one or two fall? The only way a relationship can end, is unless one of you do it yourself.

[btbc92]

And besides you need to keep your relationship on a respectable level. That means compromising with him. Its not about hiding. Maybe the people who knows are gossipers and will grow bitter. You have people who are like that. And if any of you seek validation from somebody such as family, close friends, etc. They can either do two things: Bless your relationship, or damn your relationship. And when you seek others opinions over your own partner, you will set the stage for the relationship to fail. I know this, because my parents when my late mother was living did the exact same thing. Because they were immature, childish, and lacked wisdom to handle their marriage. And everybody from somebody's momma and all young and old got in it. It was bad enough that they was arguing with each other, they was in the process of getting a divorce, until they tried to work it out. But it was too late for my mother.

[btbc92]

he knows*

[lilac_flowers]

Break up NOW.
Either he has nothing to hide and will agree he has made a mistake and add you begging to make up. Or he has something to hide and he won't add you, giving up on your relationship.
Either way you win.

If you stay, you're a doormat.

[lilac_flowers]

@update: Happy for you. :)

[Asker]

We broke up yesterday

[ProbablyTooMature]

Yup. Hiding something for sure. Whether or not it's benign is the question, but the trust issue should be a HUGE red flag.

[disgustingweebtrash]

The fuck? That's an automatic flag to break up with him.

[Asker]

Really? I have a hunch that he is hiding our relationship because he's afraid of what people will think about us being together. I think I will take your advice

[PinkMichae]

Well if he doesn't give a fuck then he should have no problem adding you. He's hiding something. There's no good reason to not add you unless he's had issues with you getting jealous of friends that are girls for no good reason. I'd say goodbye to him. It might even be he doesn't want his family knowing about you which is wrong if he's your boyfriend.

[Sara413]

I get not putting the relationship on Facebook but it seems sketchy and weird to not even add you as a friend...

[NorCalgirl96]

My boyfriend and I went on a few dates before starting our relationship. After three dates we added each other on Facebook and then when we actually had a relationship on Facebook. He's had no issues with putting it to where everyone can see. To me it sounds like he's hiding something.

Best of Luck! :)

[MusicMayhem]

I don't like posting relationship stuff on fb. To me it screams out "look at me and how awesome my life is because I have this new amazing gf! You should totally be jealous". It's just unneccesary in my opinion. Just enjoy the time you spend with him, not how others perceive you two being together.

[Asker]

But it's like. Why be so against it? If you're that much against it and youve been friends with exes on fb, it's messed up that you can't add me too

[MusicMayhem]

Yeah if he's had exes on fb it's probably not fair to deny you, but why is it so important? If he weren't on fb, you wouldn't have an issue.

[Asker]

Because it's about feeling that he is hiding our relationship. If I didn't already feel that way, I wouldn't care.

[Silvia89]

I personally don't like to add my boyfriend on fb. At least not at the start of the relationship. Not because I have something to hide, absolutely, but because then he stars checking out my profile, asking questions about why that guy is liking my posts or why I added that guy as a friend... And it gets sooo stifling! So maybe he just doesn't want to argue about these silly things.

[Theodorable]

Because he's playing the field like a scoundrel. Maybe you should find a better boyfriend. I bet you can.

[Soshy]

He wouldn't make a big deal if he had nothing to hide in my opinion.

[rgb008]

Honestly thats weird.
If he's active on FB, I can't see why he wouldn't wanna add you if nothing was going on behind your back.

[Anonymous]

He's hiding something from you or cheating. And you're an idiot for letting him make you look dumb

[Asker]

Wow, what is your problem?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just being honest. Sorry if the truth hurts. It's sad that you had to reduce to breaking up with him just for him to add you on fb. Self respect is Key

[RoseTrotter]

Talk to him and sort it out. Break up is not always the solution.

[rightbackatya]

he's probably hiding something. Unless he's never on facebook then who really cares?

[musicbrain5]

Weird. Sounds like he's hiding something from you.

[kellyg83]

i think he's cheating.

[MelG23]

Is it new? Maybe he doesn't want to hurt his ex.

[Wonderer89]

Which is another red flag - his exs feelings shouldn't be protected at this expense of his girlfriends

[Coco0104]

He is hinding something. Thats a red flag.

[bcromartie]

Because he is a fucking manwhore.

[Anonymous]

Dump him. That is stupid he won't add you.

[Asker]

I know. Like i don't get why it's a big deal, ya know?

[Anonymous]

he is just playing with u