I have become an accidental homewrecker and it is eating me up. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy and we were hooking up and hanging out for a while. He told me he had an ex of three years and that they broke up 2 weeks before we met. He would still hang out with his ex and he told me about how his mother loves his ex still. Little did I know that his friend harassed me on facebook saying that I have ruined his family and his life because I told him I didn't want to be with him because he got angry at me and pretty much showed his true colours. His friend told me that he has a DAUGHTER of a year and a half and a fiance. I didn't know what to do. The friend told me to go and apologise and say my story to the fiance and I did (of course that is the worse thing you can do). We compared our stories and he has lied to both of us. I told the fiance that I did not want to be involved and she started getting incredibly angry saying that I got involved. However - I actually didn't. I was with this guy because he told me he was single. He wanted more from me. It was mostly talking on the first night but he asked to kiss me and made his moves. He proactively went out and chased me and now he has put me in this position. Now I am just lying low and getting out of their life because I believe that they should be focusing less on me and more on the well being of their daughter. So I have deactivated most of my social media and they have no way to contact me, both parties. I told the guy that I will never talk to him again and that he needs to look after his fiance and his daughter and figure out if he wants this relationship with her. Oh and by the way, this is the second time this has happened to them. Even though I know I don't have much responsibility, I have been having trouble sleeping and I can't stop thinking about it. I was so anxious that they would turn up at my place or call me one day. That's why I got rid of my social media. I don't know what to do. I just want to live my life.

[Darkfairie17]

This fiance needs to blame her fiance and leave you alone! This guy is a loser who lied about his relationship status. THAT should be the problem. You basically have to take people at their word if you don't really know them. If a guy presents himself as single, then what else can you believe?

I'm so sorry you are going through this! It's not fair that they are blaming you when he's the one who was engaged.

Your friend gave you bad advice. You never should have apologized (for what?). You aren't the one who broke up the engagement. He did the minute he decided to be unfaithful. And this is not the first time. So don't blame yourself.

Here's what you need to do:

- Keep a low profile for now (I know this sucks) but truly this is the only way.

- Talk to friends and explain to them that you did not know. Let them know how stressed out this is making you. I absolutely feel bad for you as I would worry about them showing up at your place too. But make sure you lock the door at all times. Have people check in on you to make sure you are safe.

- Maybe stay with someone else if you are having a really hard time feeling safe at your place.

- Go do something you love. This will help make you feel better and keep your mind off of what happened.

The heat will die off eventually! You just have to ride it out. Trust me, if this guy has done this before, he's most likely going to do it again. So just wait it out. You won't be the target for long.

If they do show up at your place, phone the police. They are not allowed to harass you.

[Asker]

thank you your advice has been the most helpful and sensitive so far :)

[Darkfairie17]

You're welcome! Hang in there!! I dated a liar once too. But he wasn't married. It was the worst thing ever. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. Talk about a Mind F***! I hope the heat dies down soon. Just try to lay low and keep yourself busy so you aren't thinking about it. You will eventually sleep better at night.

[Asker]

I am home with my family, I am safe here - it is 5 hours away from my place actually. and my lease from my place will end just a week after I go back up and that is in March, hopefully it will die soon.

[Asker]

I can understand how much of an asshole that guy must be. It makes me feel like a fool for being so trusting

[Darkfairie17]

Like I said, you aren't the first and won't be the last. This guy is a master at getting what he wants. He lied and is able to get people to believe those lies. Nothing you can do about it. And you didn't do anything wrong as you were under the impression he was single. The bad karma is on him, not you.

Good thing you are in a safe place. Hopefully it will die down and you will be able to get back to your normal routine!

[Asker]

The only satisfaction I have in this case is that I rejected him before I found out and apparently he never gets rejected. Hopefully this will be a wake up call. I am mostly bothered about the welfare of the child, however.

[Darkfairie17]

Thank you! :)

[fpf003]

Her anger will find it's true target, and it's not you. I would be worried about him because unless she is incredibly stupid or has very low self esteem, he may direct anger against you because he is about to loose everything and it's always easier to blame someone else. Be careful

[Asker]

Hence why he is blocked also - on all platforms

[likitb4istickit]

Get over it. Guilt is like a box of bricks, all you have to do is set it down wherever and move on. Your actions probably won't lead to the death of the daughter you are worried about.

[Asker]

haha 'probably'

that is a good analogy. Thank you

[likitb4istickit]

It's actually a paraphrase from Al Pacino in the Devil's Advocate (one of my favorite movies).

[Asker]

I will give it a watch sometime :)

[jman46241]

From what I've read, the warning signs were in place from the start.. Not blaming you though, I dated a married woman years ago before even MySpace and had no idea she was married until she told me.. I felt terrible as well.

[Asker]

I guess I am still a bit naive and I will learn from it but how did you get through it? It was only short thank god but I always think of what might have happened if it went on any further.

[Asker]

I kind of misread the warning signs also because he would talk about how much he hates her and that he was planning on cutting her off. He only told me about how his mother still loves her like 3 nights ago.

[jman46241]

You just move on, even if you perhaps still have feelings..

[Asker]

Trust me my feelings are buried 9ft under.

[jman46241]

But that leads me, in a sense, to wonder why you asked this question.. I'm still a bit curious where perhaps I shouldn't be but still asking anyway.

[Asker]

I was talking about how it has been eating me up and how to deal with it. What is the smartest decision to make in this situation, and also some reassurance that I shouldn't be feeling responsible for the welfare of the fiancee or the child. I am sorry I didn't make that clear enough. Even if there are still feelings I am not upset that I can't be with him - because I don't want to, and because he is the type of person that I would not like to associate with. I am more upset that I ruined the potential happiness of a year old child.

[jman46241]

But the last reply you left me with lead me to wonder.. Well you also blocked them both from social media so honestly you have no idea if you made a negative impact! Even if you did by a far chance, you did not willingly do anything wrong and should feel no grief whatsoever..

[Asker]

Yes well it is just how I am, I tend to care a bit more than I should.

[Asker]

Thank you though :)

[jman46241]

Yeah.. You have one hell of an attitude attached to you lol

[Asker]

attitude?

[Asker]

I meant care as be super sensitive to things?

[jman46241]

You are passionate and perhaps a bit overbearing..

[Asker]

uhm thanks?

[Nice_Guy_Last]

It's not your fault, and, though I sympathize with the fiance, she needs to wake up and realize that you can't be held responsible for her ex's promiscuity. Do your best to cut it off with them, tell them that you don't want anything to do with it and that you are sorry it happened. If they keep badgering you, get a restraining order.

[Rahdle]

That guy is a dirt ball. You did the best you could do with what you got so don't feel bad

[NexAngelus]

aaaa u just a girl ;) it happens. if he actually told u he was single and all that, there was nothing u could do. dont sweat it. if anything further happens, put a restraining order onhim and HER.

[Unit1]

You did the right things. Cut these people out and start over again with your life. That's all you can do for now.

[Grumps]

i didn't read this shit.

cheating and any sort of relationship building leading to sex is never a mistake or an accident why? it takes series of complex algorithms to commit this moral crime. there were full intention, many chances to walk away and utilize common sense. stop this.

[Asker]

Why offer an opinion on something you didn't read? Using random words from the dictionary without much thought does not make you seem intelligent either. Complex algorithms, what a load of bullshit. Before you offer your opinion, don't be an asshole and read what is actually going on.

[Grumps]

i didn't read this reply either. just accidental? cmon. your hands aren't clean

[Grumps]

i m intelligent when i want to be

[Asker]

Not like your hands are clean either, I am sure your only sexual activity is with your right hand.

[JustCallMeLeon]

How could you know? Nothing to feel guilty about. Move on.

[DRPUNISHER]

watch MS DHONI THE UNTOLD STORY