Why does my boyfriend suddenly act like nothing's wrong?

[Anonymous]

If we ever get into an argument he than does his cool off period and suddenly acts like nothings wrong and it never happened. This confuses the crap out of me and it never gets anything solved! What's his deal? I'm going to ask him but thought I might have a heads up.

[MikeESharpe]

He's not the only person who does that. There are two layers when you look at the resolution of an argument causing issue; there is a surface layer, and then a foundation layer.

If you patch over the surface on a damaged foundation, the cracks will soon begin to show, and it won't be long before the issue resurfaces. It goes without saying that if you fix the foundation layer of the issue first, then you can truly move on.

This is pretty obvious stuff, and I'm not going to insult your intelligence by suggesting that you didn't already know... So here's the more useful part of my answer:

I think it's pretty obvious stuff that nobody likes to argue. Personally, I love a good old heated debate, but nobody likes to argue with their loved ones. So when an argument is over, there are two two steps that should be taken. The first, is to go and 'cool off'. This will repair the surface layer, and the two of you will be an speaking terms again. But the second step is much harder, because in order to fix the foundation of the issue, the surface layer will have to be torn up. This means resurfacing the issue, and possibly causing another argument.

So there are two kinds of people. There are those who fear sparking up another argument by resurfacing the issue, so they just pretend nothing's wrong. But then there are people who simply can't move on before the issue is really solved, and if that means risking another argument, then it's worth it.

In conclusion, your boyfriend knows that the issue isn't really solved, but he just doesn't want to argue. So what you need to make him understand is that you are both adults, and a simple mention of the issue that caused the argument doesn't need to start a new one. You can both talk it over and get a better understanding of the issue, and of each other, bringing you closer together.

[Asker]

Great answer! Thank you!

[MikeESharpe]

Happy to help