Why is my boyfriend acting this way all of a sudden?

[Anonymous]

To begin, my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He has come to my country twice and during the last visit he met my family. We have known each other almost 4 years.

Just last week, I finally flew to his country and met his family. Everything was great. He was a complete gentleman too! I even met his friends!

We want to get married so we can be together. However, he wanted to get married before I left. However, he didn't propose. We told each other how much we loved one another and I said I didn't want to rush. Ultimately, I said no for now. I told him that I'm in love with him and he's the only person I want to marry and we should wait until we have more ducks in a row.

We ended things by passionately making love, looking at old family photos, staring a meal with his family. In the airport we kissed and embraced and he told me that I need to hurry back because he doesn't want to be without me anymore. That he is an orphan of my love.

Fast forward, I get home and got COVID. And I have been recouping and recovering. And in the beginning he was extremely worried and checking in on me here and there. However since me leaving, we have barely spoken few words to one another. It's been a week. I'm feeling the distance and I think he is too.

Our messages are short and vague and he responds after long hours. He only called me once via video on new years and that's it.

I know I might be a little dramatic considering I have nothing else to do. I don't know.

It's been a week and I don't know how much more I can take or how this will affect our relationship.

Why is he being like this? What is one to do?

[AviatorTom]

There are two things in your story that are interesting:

#1 - He wanted to get married right away and you didn't. He's probably rethinking the relationship, wondering what he may have done wrong for you to not want to get married.

#2 - You have COVID. He may be giving you time to recover, not wanting to bother you all the time so that you can rest and get better.

Rather than ask a bunch of G@G strangers, talk with him via video chat and tell him your concerns. Open and honest communication are the basis of a good relationship.

[Asker]

I tried reassuring him that I love him and want to be with him forever. But, I didn't want to rush or start a marriage like that. Do you think that was enough?

You're probably right. He did say he didn't like being do far from me and not being able to care for me.

I did try calling him some hours ago. But, I still haven't heard anything. I think I'm anxious and also slightly impatient from being in solitude.

I'm just worried.

[AviatorTom]

Your words "I love him and want to be with him forever" and "I didn't want to rush or start a marriage like that" are contradictions and confusing to a guy. Maybe if you tell him when you will be ready to marry him, he'll understand.

[Avicenna]

It's too soon to worry

[Asker]

When is it the right time to worry?

[kyleelyn199723]

Maybe he feels like he’s wasting his life away on this relationship because you aren’t ready to get married and that is his only chance of ever getting close to you. It’s been four years. I know a pandemic has happened in the process, but in my opinion this relationship seems like a waste of both of your time

[Asker]

I mean in all fairness, we haven't been together the entire time. It's been off and on. And he didn't propose, he just said let's get married. You really think it's a waste if I just met his family?

I don't want our marriage to start off the same way our relationship did. That's why I said no.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I get your point entirely and I understand. Maybe he asked , in a sense of a test question before he proposed because he knows it’s entirely too soon but knows that’s the only way of ever getting close. This is just my personal opinion on this: if marriage was my ONLY way of ever getting close to the person I want the most, I asked and the person said no after 4 years, I think I would make my way out of this relationship, because even though it’s “too soon” in terms of how you are pacing the relationship, 4 years is a long time for the process on which your relationship is going. It’s been 4 years and there’s no sense of it being a serious relationship.

[Asker]

Understood.

[kyleelyn199723]

Hey , I could indeed be wrong, but just me personally I’d be tired of trying to slowly inch my way into a serious relationship with someone if I was in his shoes.

[Asker]

I totally understand your opinion.

It's just we have been off and on for quite a while. And we just started being serious again late this past July.

If we lived in a perfect world and we could be together instantaneously. I would've said yes. But, we would've been getting married the day of my flight because of the holidays and then we would've had to part ways and that's now how I want to start a marriage.

We have assured each other that we are who we want to be with.

Yes, the distance kills and I want to be his wife. But, I think we were rushing.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I get it. I think it’s definitely risky business marrying someone so quickly without being so sure. And I can relate. I had an ex that wanted to kind of rush things and I wanted to sit back and relax and enjoy the time. He had a timeline for his relationships, and I ended up expiring his patience for the relationship because I didn’t want to move in and get married. He then found a girl that instantly did. We also broke up at one point and that made me question things even more. Just be aware , when a man has a timeline to things, he may grow uninterested when things don’t go his way.

[Asker]

Oh wow! I greatly appreciate your time and opinions. I will definitely keep that in mind.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker absolutely, anytime!

[Seangreen]

I don't even read your whole post because when you said long distance relationship they never work out so hopefully you learned from this never to do it again because it's probably going to be ending soon

[Asker]

That's a very negative response.

[Seangreen]

Well sorry I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear maybe I thought I should tell you what you need to hear

[spartan55]

Doesn't sound like he is 'doing' anything wrong.

[Asker]

So, I have nothing to worry about?

[spartan55]

I don't think so, just try to chill out

[In_Trance]

You lost me at long distance relationship