How do I stop being superficial, narcissistic and let this amazing girl in?

[Anonymous]

I'm 30. Imagine Patrick Bateman from American Psycho minus the bloodlust and that's me. I have an incredible apartment, car, more money than I know what to do with. I'm 6', handsome and have worked hard to get the perfect body. I've done coke, I've had hookers and I've deliberately gotten into fights with men weaker or stronger because I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Despite having a supposed perfect live with no immediate worries, I'm not happy. I'm just... there. I wasn't born like this by the way, I was made by being belittled for being poor and having to work 10x as hard to get where I am.

However I've met the cutest girl ever who has an awesome personality and puts my disgusting, narcissistic side to the back and brings out my human side. She's in love with me and I'm very fond of her. I haven't had sex with her. I'm normally smooth as fuck but with her I'm actually nervous.

Am I doomed to die alone?
Does therapy work?

[redeyemindtricks]

Well, TRUE narcissists generally don't -- and can't -- identify themselves as narcissists, so, there's that (... i. e., yr self-diagnosis may not be as accurate as you think it is).

__

That aside...
If you are as ambitious as you say, then, yr general state of DISSATISFACTION with life -- and yr whole pattern of always wanting more more more bigger better faster richer etc -- is pretty much not ever going to change. You're stuck with that.
Generally speaking, people tend to be "hardwired" for a certain CONSTANT level of things like happiness and life satisfaction. Some people tend to be happy with whatever they have -- even if great tragedies or misfortunes befall them -- but, **for exactly that reason**, those people are rarely ever ambitious or motivated to achieve much in terms of money, career, etc. (Why would they?) Others tend to be UNhappy with whatever they have -- a kind of dissatisfaction that makes them feel restless, greedy, and needy, but that is ALSO the basis for ALL "ambition" and "drive to achieve" past the bare necessities of life.
Most people are somewhere in the middle.

I mean, this is pretty much common sense, if you just think about it. Consider, for instance, the billionaires in the Forbes 400 -- all of whom have enough money to sustain themselves and their descendants in *very* comfortable lifestyles for HUNDREDS OF YEARS, but all of whom **still go to work every day**, usually at highly stressful jobs with very long hours.
MOST people would think these people are absolutely insane, and that they should just retire and smell the proverbial flowers for the rest of their lives -- but, that's why most people will never be billionaires. lol.
This is one of the first formal studies:
pages.ucsd.edu/.../...03%20-%20Brickman%201978.pdf

My point is that YOU ARE GOING to remain "dissatisfied" with life in general -- and with yr relationship, too.
This girl may be awesome, but, if SHE places much value on "stability" and "comfort", then yr relationship with her is going to crash and burn and burn and burn and burn, and then burn some more. Because she's going to want you to do exactly what YOU DON'T want to do -- namely, to pour less of yrself into yr ambitions, and to slow down the pace of yr life and smell the proverbial flowers.

What you're going to need -- if yr description is truthful and sufficiently introspective -- is a woman who's EITHER (1) just as ambitious as you -- which means that

[redeyemindtricks]

she's probably also going to be, to a certain extent, "greedy" and "materialistic", among other more salubrious qualities -- OR (2) **very** independent, to the point where she is perfectly OK running yr household and parenting yr children (if the end goal is a family) for weeks or months on end with virtually no help from you, if you're absorbed enough in yr work.

Such women are out there, but, remember that you still need to add value to their lives in ongoing and emotionally weighty ways (= it's absolutely not good enough just to keep throwing material comforts at them).

__

Oh, and, you say "superficial" like that's a bad thing. Bullshit. Why would being superficial be a bad thing?
What's on the outside VERY obviously matters -- the ways we look, dress, carry ourselves, and talk are all direct reflections of what's going on inside us.
... And even if you're the type who wants to ultimately be super-generous and donate a lot of money to charity, you *do* know what step no. 1 of

[redeyemindtricks]

that is, right? ... Right, it's becoming filthy rich YOURSELF first, so that you actually have the **means** to enrich the charities of yr choice more than you would otherwise. (The biggest donors to charity in the US are, non-coincidentally, all people with net worths of 9 to 11 figures.)

Being "superficial" has a bad reputation that it doesn't deserve. Always look out for ol' no. 1 first, because, the fuck if anyone else is going to.
Once you've got yrself and yr mind right, THEN you can start doing what you can do for other people.

[Whoeverist]

Then, how about a change?
Apparently, you tried the "American Dream" way and now that you know that this is full of crap, maybe you should try a more meaningful lifestyle.
I do not mean to change yourself. Being successful is cool. I just think that you may have to see life in a little different light.

[Dingsbums]

No you are not doomed to die. Realizing your flaws is already the first step to better yourself. I tho she is already helping you to make u a better person so what's the problem?
U not being happy?

[Anonymous]

You feel empathy, you are not a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

the age us wrong on your account