How do I give my boyfriend a wake up call? (tell him he needs to make more of an effort or I'm out)?

[Anonymous]

We're in our early twenties, and have been together for 2,5 years, and lived together for 1.
We fight a lot sometimes, and overall I feel like he takes me for granted a bit and says really rude things to me sometimes. He does definitely love me though, and he definitely thinks we are gonna be married and have kids and so on later in life.

He's moving 1,5 hours away from our current city, to study (he's planning to stay there..) and he/we want's a long distance relationship.

Now, I'm all in for trying this long distance relationship, but I'm not sure it'll work out for me if he doesn't make more of an effort to spend time with me, and be nice to me.
I always let him know when I feel like he treats me badly, but he doesn't always seem to understand how serious I am.

SO how do I ONCE FOR ALL let him know that I'm seriously considering breaking it off with him if he doesn't put in more effort?

[Browneye57]

"We fight a lot sometimes"
I see this a lot on here. It's a huge red flag - why are you doing this? Just don't, it's the death-knell of a relationship. If you can't have an adult conversation without escalating to yelling and fighting then table it and come back to the topic later. You may have to do this several times, or may simply just agree to disagree. You WILL NOT agree on everything.

LDR's never work. This is the end. Period.

You're all hung up on the 'being nice' which doesn't' really have anything at all to do with any of it. Oh well.

"SO how do I ONCE FOR ALL let him know that I'm seriously considering breaking it off with him if he doesn't put in more effort? "

You don't. You simply CANNOT negotiate attraction or desire. And threatening to 'break it off' if you can't get him to be different is a non-starter. It simply WILL NOT work.

Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change.
Girls get with guys think that if they just bug the shit out of them long enough and hard enough, and threaten them enough, they'll become someone they might actually be able to stand to be around. FAIL

This is a disaster!

[habib51]

you dont really give him consequences. You should never be in ANY abusive relationship no matter how harmless it may seem. honestly it sounds to me like you are not high on his list. Im a guy and I dont mean to be an ass but you deserve better

[Asker]

I definitely feel like I'm low on his list while he's #1 on mine, so you might be right :')

[81919]

Start to distance yourself so he realises he's losing you! That would be a wake up call for sure. Maybe ignore some of his calls and seem more distant until he confronts you or does something about it :) good luck I hope yous will be okay ! x

[Irishman45]

DO NOT do this.

Don't ignore him and send him vague signals. It's cruel and one of the worst things girls do.

Tell him outright how you are and talk to him, that's how guys function. This kind of passive aggressive nonsense is stupid and cowardly.

[Chanel1981]

It's probably best to break it off instead of warning/threatening. If you can't get along in town it's unlikely it will improve

[lovelyhoneybones]

Tell him exactly how you're feeling and what he needs to do. If he doesn't, you're gone.

[OlderAndWiser]

Tell him you are going to take a 30 day break to think about things, no seeing anyone else in the meanwhile, then you can meet to talk about whether you continue your relationship.

[RimeIce]

You might give an ultimatum to try to salvage a 10-year marriage, but not 2.5 years of dating. Ultimatums generally fail. If you are thinking about ending it, end it. If he then wants to get his shit together and eventually try to win you back, he will. Either way, get on with your life.

[HotBustyBrunette]

I agree with you Rimeice, the way I look at it, there are so many other nice handsome guys out there that when I think some boyfriend of mine was taking advantage of me or I felt as I have been taken for granted I knew there always had to be someone better out there for me. Yes, and then I got on with my life and forgot about him. Annabella

[Kmtripp]

Honestly, 2.5 years is a long time. After awhile you grew complacent and you don't really think about your life without that person because you're use to them just being there.

I think you should be honest about it. Tell him honestly what you wrote on here and just let him know that you're feeling this way. If he cares enough to try and save your guys relationship, he will makes changes. Just be ready to hear how he feels you may need to improve as well. Best of luck, I hope it works out.

[slatyb]

If he says rude things, he needs to stop. That's just unacceptable and ruins relationships. Why are you fighting all the time? Your primary relationship should be a safe space from the outside stress in your life.

If he's not "making an effort to be nice" then it doesn't matter whether he loves you or not. I think you already know what to do. Take this separation as an opportunity to meet some new guys.

[Irishman45]

How about you let your boyfriend be himself and love him for who he is rather than thinking about him in terms of what he can do for you?

[Asker]

I do, but lets say I feel like he asks for 100% and I give him 100%. I ask for 70% and he gives me 50%...

[Zk15224]

make a threat and follow through, like say you won't talk to him for a week and then actually do it

[Diobrando]

that ldr will break you too up did for Me and my ex when she moved for army training but if wanna keep going best to give him the "stop treating me like shit or im out "talk

[BlendedMe]

Stop pussy footing around and tell him directly. Hell, you won't hesitate when you say, WE'RE DONE!

[Kataclyst]

He wants a long distance relationship?
so lemme get this straight he wants a long distance hell?

Id stop him from making that mistake asap

[Asker]

Yes, meaning that he wants us to still be together when he moves away to study (he'd have to move away regardless)

[Wilfried]

ultimatum, he shouldn't treat you badly
then again you cannot change him, only he can, if he loves you the right amount

[FakeGreenBastard]

by fucking telling him how you feel like no other way and if you do fins another way your just playing games

[text3612379292]

tell him that you are going to start seeing other people, if, he doesn't get with the program!

[LGRITN]

Fuck a wake up call. If it hasn't worked now then it most likely won't. Just dump his ass

[TheSoldier]

you are in love with him but you are self centred as well and. you will only realise this once you will let him get away from you because of you

[Bachzilla]

Be clear about goals and expectations. Do not beat around the bush.

[Anonymous]

long distance relationships usually do not work.. you become penpals.

[Midget_Hug]

Put your hands on your hips and wave your finger?

[sweetbuddy]

give him a no he will get up one way or another

[Anonymous]

He should dump you for trying to play mind games.

[Asker]

How am I trying to play mind games?

[Opinion Owner]

Because that's what it is, your pretending to show you want to end things when you are perfectly happy with the long distance thing, just to psyche him up. its a classical girl thing to do.

[Asker]

I'm not happy with it though, if he keeps acting a bit like a jerk and doesn't put more effort to spend time with me, I'm just gonna break up

[Opinion Owner]

Might as well if he is moving away on top of that. How are you going to break up with him do u think? What if he starts crying 😭 lol.