My 4 year girlfriend got kissed by another guy when she was drunk. She kissed him back for a second or two then pushed him off. What do I do?

Question

It started as one of her friends invited her to go out for a couple drinks with her. I understand she needs girl time. So she gets dolled up and goes out around nine to a restaurant she works at to have a couple drinks with her friend. We texted back and forth for a while at one point she told me her friend was hitting it of with some guy. They went to another bar to get more drinks and that guy had a buddy with him. Her friend and the guy her friend was with wanted to go to his house. My girlfriend said she wanted to come home but needed to sober up before she could drive home and needed a few hours, this was 130. So the four of them walked to his house and sat on the front porch talking. At one point her friend and one of the guys leaves and goes into another room. Leaving my girlfriend and this guy she met just earlier that night. That's when it happened. He kissed her she said she kissed him back for a second or two then pushed him away saying I have a boyfriend. Around this time I woke up it was 445 in the morning and I freaked out wondering where she was, if she was ok. I called her and texted her and after about 10 min she texted me back and said her friend and her friends guy were asleep and that the other guy was walking her back to her car. At this point I don't know about the kiss. She came home around 630 in the morning. I was mad about the time but then she said another guy kissed me. I instantly got upset asking if she kissed him back. She said no. I was still mad but I forgave her. The next day she came home crying opening up and telling me the truth that she kissed him back. She said she lied originally because she thought I'd break up with her on the spot and she was scared. She said it didn't mean anything and she instantly regretted it. She says she was drunk and out of it. I believe her and I believe that it will never happen again, nothing like this has ever happened before. I want to move forward and forgive her but it's hard. What should I do?

truthbeknown · Accepted Answer

She lied about the kiss, so what else is she lying about. Too many red flags here. She came home too late in my opinion and she wanted to stay. Something else was going on for her to stay that long. She should have cabbed it home. Why the fuck didn't you go get her! Do you not realize what women do? Now she is playing the, "I got drunk, so I'm not responsible for I did" card. Fuck that! This is a serious fuck up! Kissing is one thing, but then staying is the critical mistake here. People in 4 year relationships just don't do that. If she came home showered, she had sex with that guy. If she showered right away when she did come home, she had sex with that guy!

The only way I would continue a relationship with her is, no more going out for "girl time". She fucked up and proved she can't be trusted, even with herself! Also, she can no longer hang with that girl, because that girl got them into that situation and was just as bad as those guys for not respecting your relationship!!!

RokFerry · Accepted Answer

This is truly a difficult thing for you to deal with fella. Women are a strange creature when they are drunk but then so are we... but it don't really mean she slept with him and you have to just bite-the-bullet on this one. Trust, if we could buy this stuff from a shop then we could be alright. But trust is something we either have to give in to or fight it for ever until you part from each other. Personally I would just put it on the back-burner and just enjoy being with each other because it is this which matters the most to both of you I think. I would also do this if it were me: I would find the middle ground, then just see what happens day-to-day thereon. And if you start to find that you are swaying to the left and cannot forgive her, then just end it. But if you are swaying to the right and your starting to feel better, just continue to love her. You really do have to plan this one out. Hope this helps.

Ashido · Accepted Answer

Oh God Dude! Thats nothing to be so much anal about. It wasn't her fault and it was unintentional. Getting protective of her is one thing but loosing sleep over something so frivolous is pathetic. If you are serious about your relationship then talk it out. If such a little thing makes your lose your marbles then what will you do if you face bigger hurdles later in your relationship? If she ended up sleeping with him then thats something entirely different. This was only some kissing and petting but she was trying to resist though even while she was drugged so yeah cut her some slack but do tell her to be more careful of drugged drinks in the future yeah?

ayesha12 · Accepted Answer

hey bro, u said u forgiven her, then move forward and live happily with her. bcoz the brave thing is that she showed gutts to tell u the truth about her kissing another guy. she was drunk at that time, she said. at least she has not made it long kiss and pushed that guy back bcoz she really loves u. She would have hide the matter from u but she has not done it. she is really brave. Appreciate her for this. I know its hard to forget it. give sometym to urself. everything will be alright. and don't show ur sadness to her otherwise her guilt will increase more nd more

itiskissie · Accepted Answer

I am sorry about this. This happened to my best friend and her boyfriend too. Time to build up the trust again... no more "too drunk" nights on her cause it isn't acceptable. She can drink and have fun but nothing like this again, cause next time it will be a problem. You should make sure she knows that. It takes time to build trust again. Just give it time!

kingofeverything · Answer

I don't think drunkenness is an excuse. Being drunk only causes us to do and say what we really want. Maybe on some deeper level she's not fully committed. If it were just a kiss like he kissed her that'd be different. But she kissed him back. And since she initially lied about it, who's to say she didn't lie about more happening and is scared you'll realllly break up with her if you knew. If its just a one sided kiss, I'd wanna kick this other dudes ass. But willing participants... would break up, personally. Shows she doesn't love me and she lied too easily about it. I wouldn't be able to trust her and would constantly be doubting her and what she's up to. Been there before and never want to be that jealous, insecure guy again.

madhatters4 · Answer

this made me think of the How I Met Your Mother adage, "nothing good happens being out after 1am"

i think it's a positive that she was honest about the kiss. it shows that she was truly remorseful. sucks that she sort of lied about kissing him back but at least she again came to you and told you about it later.

if you trust that it was a one time incident and can truly forgive her transgression then i think you should give her a shot. if you question her honesty or whether or not you can trust her then it makes staying with her very difficult if not impossible

Octillion · Answer

Sounds suspicious as hell, dude. If you REALLY believe that is the truth, I think you should definitely forgive her. But personally I'd still be very suspicious. I'd probably sit her down and tell her that I want her to be COMPLETELY honest with me about what happened, and I'd tell her that no matter what the truth is I won't be angry. I'd tell her keeping secrets can do nothing but hurt a relationship and all I care about is making sure ours is okay. But, of course, if she fucked the guy or made out with him or something I'd probably be extremely disappointed and have a hard time trusting her for a little while. I would be upset, but I think it would definitely be a mistake to get angry and take that out on her.

jstar11 · Answer

she came home at 6am in the morning, and lied to your face. she's fucked the guy for sure, alcohol doesn't make people do what they don't want to do, she knew what was going to happen when they moved to his friends house but didn't try to stop it. now that she's done it once it will be pretty easy to for her to cheat again.

Anonymous · Answer

Try to think similar situation but imagine yourself in her shoes. So you and your buddy go for a drink and he meets a girl and she has a friend. They go do their job and then the other girl kisses you. I mean is it that bad if you kiss her back for a few of seconds? If you think it wouldn't be that big deal, then forgive her. If you would immediately freak out and push her away, then I'd leave her. There has to be equal understanding / definition of loyalty. And the fact that she cried and regretted it shows she thinks she crossed the line. And no being drunk is not an excuse. In fact it actually enhances honesty.

lstef · Answer

If she lied about the kiss how do you know that she didn't hide anything else. You two need to have a serious conversation. I'd do it the way that I'd tell her that you won't get mad and THEN ask her if anything else happened that night. On the other hand its your fault that you didn't go pick her up when she said she needed to get sober.

Prof_Don · Answer

if she lied about the kiss... what else did she do that night that she lied about?

The cold hard truth is, you can't trust her. Whenever she is out with the girls you'll constantly be thinking if she's cheating.

Save your sanity. This girl clearly isn't ready to be monogamous so end this now.

ImACowgirl · Answer

If she was too drunk to know then she wouldn't have remembered that kiss. She knew what she was doing and then she let him walk her to her car? C'mon. Then she lied on top of that! Red flag. I don't think I could forgive that. If she's going to be doing things like that when she gets drunk then she shouldn't be going out drinking while she has a boyfriend.

Browneye57 · Answer

You have to decide if you're going to put up with a girl that wants to go out and play. Next time she'll say, "Oh, I fucked him cuz I was drunk but it didn't mean anything to me - I still love YOU." Right.

Some girls think they need to do this and actually deserve it. A true and loyal girl would bring you with her. You're not really that important to her - her freedom to fuck around and do what she wants is more important.

Google this term: hypergamy

Harshu18 · Answer

talk to her openly and tell her that u believe her. She was drunk and when drunk a person can do a lot of things without thinking. the fact that she resisted him tells that she controlled herself. Talk to the guy who kissed her and ask him what all happened. If she had sex and lied to you, ask why did she lie. If u aren't happy with her, then breakup with her

Anonymous · Answer

She probably slept with him and is making up this story as a way to deal with it.

hidbd · Answer

Tbh I think she slept with him, since she didn't come home and then just excused it as him walking her to her car. Plus, the moment he kissed her, she should have booked it outta there, not stay and spend time there. I'm kinda harsh for saying this, but I would break up. I don't tolerate such shit, but that's just me. She even lied that she didn't kiss him back, who knows what else she did that night that she's hiding. You gotta be keen if you decide to stay with her. Its just not adding up.

chuy10 · Answer

if shed out with her girlfriend what was she and her girlfriend leaving with those guys. I would dump her. you know as well as I do if we go out with the boys to a bar one of us hooks up with a girl happens to have a girlfriend you know were not going to sit still. she should've called from the bar come get me but instead followed her girlfriend and a guy to his house.

FemWorship · Answer

Don't date drunks, sorry pal drunks have issues and either cover up that they wanted to do when sober or can't remember or lie about it

SmileMore903 · Answer

She crossed a line when she put herself in that position. of course the other guy thought he had a green light. you obviously didn't come up before then.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Break up with her. You know it was more than just a kiss. Drinking is merely an excuse to try to not have any consequences for her actions.

safricanluke · Answer

Forgive her. Drinking makes people lose their judgment, the fact that she could deny him at all is a good sign. Don't worry so much about a kiss, be glad that he didn't try anything more. So I say forgive her, or you will lose her

Trifulnoop · Answer

Dump the bitch now. She probably did more already, but will definitely do more in the future. She is showing her true colors. Time to move on.

Anonymous · Answer

even if it was just a kiss for few seconds.. she was into it!! would she have been okay it was you doing it? the point is for me it is unacceptable. it could happen again or happened before already. if she wasn't into it then yea it was sudden and forceful.. but here its just a big nooo!!

Shimmer19 · Answer

What's the point of holding a grudge if you love her

My 4 year girlfriend got kissed by another guy when she was drunk. She kissed him back for a second or two then pushed him off. What do I do?

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