My boyfriend hanged out and kissed another girl while we were on a break, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. Late March, I decided to take a break, have some time apart, cause I needed some alone time. When we first started dating, 2 months in, his ex spams his phone saying she feels suicidal etc…she drives to his house they talk and that’s that. I forgave him but I had trust issues and suffered from depression the entire 21/2 years and I never told him how I felt, I hid my emotions from him that I resented him for it. I coped by going out with friends and so on. Fast forward to the talk, I let him know how I felt throughout the years of us dating and he felt terrible that I was holding all that in. We agreed that we were taking some time apart; we won’t sleep with anyone because we’re technically still together. We would talk once a week to checkup on each other BUT his replies got shorter. I stalked his ig and a girl commented on his pic. I looked her up and her profile pic was of her wearing his work shirt, on top of that she had a Polaroid pic of him on the back of her phone. I confronted him and he did admit they hanged out a couple of times and eventually they kissed. His excuse was “You said you hated me and assumed you didn’t want to be together anymore” along with “You hurt me and I just needed a friend to confide to”. I admit I did do foolish things such but nothing that involves being with another guy or putting someone before him. I feel betrayed because he put his ex before me without asking me and now he put another girl before me again. He didn’t consider how I would feel if I found out. We’re back together but I still feel torn. How can I let him know how I feel? Or do you think I did the right choice to get back together when I haven’t healed from the first incident.

[Anonymous]

The whole "we were on a break" situation can get very complicated. If you both talked about the break and agreed that you were going to spend time apart but would still be a couple during that time, that means he cheated. He definitely cheated on you if you both agreed not to be romantic with other people before you took a break from one another. In my opinion cheating is not something that can be forgiven because it shows that the other person doesn't care if they betray or hurt you. On the other hand, if you didn't clearly talk about what taking a break meant, he might think you meant that you wanted to break up and wouldn't be a couple anymore. If that is the case he wouldn't have intended to cheat on you because he wouldn't have known you still thought of him as your boyfriend. He would have figured it would be okay to move on with someone else because he thought you broke up with him. Ultimately it depends on what he thought the break meant and if you were clear with him about it. It is up to you in the end if you want to continue the relationship. Although if you decide to continue dating him I would suggest couples therapy.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input, it really helped!

[Anonymous]

No such thing as "breaks" to me. I automatically assume break means it's over. You shouldn't need a "break" from a relationship in my opinion either. That says to me something is very wrong. So unless that's "fixed" and discussed 100%, you shouldn't be back together.

[Asker]

I needed some time apart because I felt suffocated from everything I was holding in from his ex. It took me 2 1/2 years to move on from it. When we were 3 1/2 years I decided to tell him all about it. I guess all the feelings came back in that moment and I decided to make that decision to take a break but made it clear to keep in touch, no sleeping or etc with people….

[Avicenna]

I think it's going to be hard to restore enough trust to make things work, especially if he doesn't affress your concerns. It would be best to move on.

[In_Trance]

You lost me at "on break"

[Asker]

I needed some time apart because I felt suffocated from everything I was holding in from his ex. It took me 2 1/2 years to move on form it. When we were 3 1/2 years I decided to tell him all about it.

[Sketti2021]

Dump his ass.