How Long Should Someone "Cool Off" After a Fight?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for 3 years. The last 6 months have been long distance, as in, East Coast to Scotland. (He'll be moving 40 miles away from me in about a month.) Lately, things have been really bad-we fight all the time.

He has a really bad temper, and I've always heard it's a good idea when you're getting too angry to go away for a while and cool down. He's agreed-but he insists that the time he needs numbers in the days! Lately, he's started saying he needs like 4 days to cool down! He's pulled this twice in the last month-and if I call him at ALL during this time, he says he'll see it as me not holding up my end and being needy, and dump me.

I feel like 4 days is way too excessive a period to "cool down." What do you guys think?

A couple of hours

About a day

2-5 days

About a week

[Fantasia01]

It sounds like you really should find some one else. He doesn’t respect you enough to talk things out with you and giving you the “silent treatment” for 4 days is ridiculous (24 hrs tops depending on how bad the fight was). Also he’s controlling the situation and telling you when is acceptable to contact him or he’ll dump you? That’s a manipulation tactic and you should not let him treat you that way. He doesn’t want you to move on but he’s treating you badly at the same time. It’s not needy to expect common decency and respect. He sounds extremely immature and not ready for a meaningful relationship. Find someone who respects you and wants to talk out problems with you. There are different kinds of abuse and it doesn’t always have to be physical.

PS. I’m not sure how long ago your post was. I really hope that you moved on and found someone who actually loves you.

[sdflkj]

I'm sorry to tell you this, but most of the guys are not into clingy and needy type of girl, loosen up a little. Everyone needs their privacy sometimes. If you really want your relationship to work, respect his terms and he'll do the same. One more thing, don't call him. wait for his call instead. I mean how will he cool down if you're like calling him gazzillion times? so please if you really want your man back loosen up. ok? :)

[Asker]

But 4 days? And when he's doing it every other week? And he gets p*ssy about sending even an email the other days... so it's like he's not even around to BE a boyfriend.

[sdflkj]

The point is, do you want him back or not? if so, take my advice. Don't be too hard on him or you might end up being single.

[Asker]

Maybe being single is better than being pulled around on a string and put on hold any time HE wants, regardless of how I feel.

[sdflkj]

Do not just jump into a conclusion of ending it dear. Best way is to tell him how you feel having him as your boyfriend. Talk calmly and at least try to look at things on his perspective. You might be missing his good qualities and always seeing the negative one.

[Fantasia01]

There are no “terms” in a healthy relationship. That’s a way of control and manipulation.

[Curlyfries316]

seems like he's testing you to see if you can keep your word.

[Asker]

And they say guys don't play mind games...

[Curlyfries316]

Or he really needs the time.

[Asker]

Shouldn't he just break up with me? If he needs almost an entire week every time we have a fight (and we fight pretty often) away from me, AND he thinks I'm needy so much he has to "test" me, then what's the point?

[Curlyfries316]

Maybe its not meant to be

[Asker]

That'd be fine with me... But every time I try "Maybe being single would fit you better right now," he flips out... and when I've tried to break up with him, he won't leave me alone and tells all our friends I'm breaking HIS heart.