How long does it take you to calm down after an argument?

[Anonymous]

So how long after an argument, assuming it was a pretty big argument, does it take you to calm down? I think more men tend to get over it faster than most women do. I am not saying this applies to all men and all women. Just on average. For example, I can be PISSED OFF at my mom, my girlfriend, whoever, and leave me alone for a minute or so. I'm good to go. Sometimes it takes a bit longer like 3-5 minutes. But that's rare. I noticed most women I have been around personally can go from a whole day, to months. It always seems like, to the girls, that I "act" as if it never happened. Oh, no I know it happened, but just talk it out/ or give the other person space and let it go. That's how I see it. So how long does it take you to get calmed down after an argument. And why do you think it takes you that long/short.

1 second -5 minutes

5-10 minutes

10-60 minutes

An hour - a day

A day - months on end or I never get over arguments!!

[toulouse]

How many guys have you fought with? I'm just curious, because you're one guy & you are saying that, because you've been around a lot of angry women you think women generally stay mad longer than men? I think you'd have to fight with even # of men women, and be sure you were not trying to provoke...Guys often are very passive aggressive without realizing - or admitting it. If people are staying mad at you, you may have something to do with it,.

Anyways I don't get mad at people. its pointless. & it makes you look silly imo. if something needs to be dealt with I discuss it. if we can't come to san understanding, or have a rational conversation(the latter will never be because I'm not interested in dealing with things rationally- some people just like to stay mad) then I go away, go for a walk or just part ways. life is too short for people who want to get stuck on w/e it was. the exception is a miscommunication. if something is clear I will think abut it to sort out what the issue or solution is. not because I'm angry.

In my experience I tend to stay away from melodramatic people, so I really do not experience more men or more women staying angry longer. my family is rational we discuss things. my friends are rational we discuss things. people who want drama of stage I don't keep in my life.

1-5 min.

[Asker]

Well first things first, I never once said all men and women are this or that way. And it is biologically proven, and this statisical data I am collecting here backs up that bio data up even more. So it's not just me who says this. Honestly, I've been in more fights with men than women. I normally don't get into arguments with women unless I am dating them, and then it is inevitable. Now, the most logical thing to do is what you and I do. MOST women don't do this instead they drag it out longer.

[Asker]

Also, I would appreciate it if you ask me first before making wild accusations. "because you're one guy & you are saying that, because you've been around a lot of angry women you think women generally stay mad longer than men" I'm not usually around a lot of angry women. hahah But everyone gets in some sort of fight with something. I like to observe human behavior, and women do end up staying mad longer, and hold grudges against men while men don't. This is not applied to all women or men.

[Asker]

I do completely agree with you from the second paragraph down. I am just getting a real "it's you that is like that, not girls!" kind of vibe on the first paragraph. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is how I interpreted it, and knowing me I could very well be wrong. haha.

[toulouse]

I do research & I like to observe behavior as well- its cool you're into that:) I do not see men getting over things any faster. They tend to let things silently eat away at them more often.

The reason I raised you being one guy -is because you said your evidence was based on arguments with women,. I wasn't attacking you I ASKED for clarification. The thing about men being passive aggressive is based on research not just my opinion. I wasn't trying to insult you- sorry it if it came across that way:)

[Asker]

Haha, well I agree men do let things silently eat them away. Thanks for just proving my point. :) Men will do that, instead of staying mad at the woman. They will act as if everything is okay, when it's really not. While women on the other hand, when they are still upset over a certain subject, they will lash out on a guy. And I use lashing out loosely. If a guy they are mad at comes up to them they will still "bitch and complain" while men in the same scenario will be like, "yeah, it's cool.

[Asker]

And go on with their lives, while inside it still irritates them. All I was saying is women will stay obviously mad at the guys for a longer period of time than women. Now, if more women were like you and at least had the brains to talk things out and not just go way off the world would be a much better place. And I bet you are thinking the same about men ha ha :)

[toulouse]

;) I do not consider letting something t away at you- calming down. it causes high blood pressure cancer & leads to negative behavior that provokes other people.

Anger is felt & experienced by friends and family whether its silent or loud. In psychology 'quiet anger' is considered (as a self protective mechanism,) to be neurotic & passive aggressive. Often leading to destructive behavior towards ones self & others. I e road rage, physical abuse, crime, drugs etc - - not calm :)

[Asker]

Mhm. hahah and if someone comes off as upset in a non calm mood. The other will person will start getting more angry, and it will go back and forth. And before you know it, it can turn into a heated argument. Which is never good. It's very contagious, while at the exact same time, being calm is very contagious as well. Which is kind of exactly what you just said hahah, but in a much simpler way lol.

[heavenonearth]

It depends on the argument, but usually I cool off pretty instantly, especially if I have music on me. I just automatically remind myself I'm being stupid by getting angry, and that's all it takes. So, usually 1-5 min. After that, I'm over it. Anger's an emotion I don't find easy to hold on to. It's harder to look at things objectively and properly analyze a situation when I'm not calm, so I shy away from that state of mind. I'm not easily riled anyway, I think the only person that really knows how to anger me is my brother. I'll get mad at him, realize pretty quickly it's not worth it, and then conceal any remaining anger and just give him nothing. I've learned how to handle most types of people, so there are few things I can't stop from getting to me. In most cases, I'll only be annoyed.

[timetowaste]

If there is no real resolution to the argument, it takes me a large portion of a day to get it out of my mind.. and it's really hard to push my hostile feelings aside if the argument isn't resolved. If it's not, I just boil in it, and it's all my mind can think about. I happen to dwell on things too long, which is something I try not to do.. but it doesn't always work.

[MandMandM]

I don't always get annoyed by (but can actively enjoy) some arguments, particularly when someone comes up with a new line I hadn't considered before. I can change my opinion about a lot of things given a good enough argument for a different perspective.

When it gets heated I usually move on in about half an hour, and it surprises some people in a professional context that I don't tend to carry grudges, respect the fact that we can argue, and still like working with them although (or sometimes because) we disagree on things.

Where something goes against my core values I can stay angry indefinitely and it can completely change or end my relationship with someone. I can take expensive non violent revenge against corporations (hundreds of millions over many years sometimes). I tend to withdraw from pesonal relationships where someone has acted wrongly rather than inflicting material retribution, and I am never violent other than in self defence or the defence of a weaker friend or relative under duress.

[TwistedLogic]

I am not the argumentative type, but I ever got involved in an argument it takes me about one to three minutes to calm down and forget about it. :)

[TwistedLogic]

if I ever*

[Asker]

atta boy! haha

[likewoahhh]

are all boys like that? cause that would be awesome.

[Asker]

No, not all boys, but a lot of guys are like that. It's not it would be awesome if all guys were like that, it's, it would be awesome if the majority of girls were like that. :)

[TwistedLogic]

Well, most of the PEOPLE, regardless to their gender, appear to be a little disputatious.

I grew up in a family who liked to argue a LOT. I just hated that, and tried my best to change this trait in me, I don't know about other guys though. And it is funny that you said it would be "awesome" because some people called me emotionless, insensitive and uncaring.

[IdontWantToBeMe]

lol, I'm a girl and it takes me about an hour usually and then I'm over it , I don't like stress but I have noticed that some girls hold on to stuff for along time.

My mom, sister, grandmothers, girlfriends I've seen them be mad about something for years, my grandma once something makes her mad it's like she wants that person to die or she will never be happy again, I don't understand it but I guess everyone is different

[meghan19]

Depending on what the argument was over. Chances are if it was with my mom, give me about 10 minutes and I'm good. Some of my friends, just give me a second to turn around and take a breath. It just depends how personal it is, not the size of the argument- it's more who it's with and what it is over. How close to the heart it hits.

[temptress01]

takes me about half an hour approach me before this time is up at your own caution, I think the thing to remember is just because you are over it doesn't mean she is, so wait a while before approaching her to resolve it

[Asker]

Haha I know what you mean. I've learned to just leave if she gets real upset when I've alerady calmed down. Gets her to calm down, and SOMETIMES the second I walk out the door she will come running after me apologizing. So :D

[temptress01]

yep you got it, she will come to you when she is ready, otherwise you will be accused of acting like it never happened, women are more emotional so generally speaking an argument upsets us more and it takes longer to calm down, never ever approach a women who isn't yet over it you will just prolong the amount of time it takes to get over it, or p*ss her off all over again, wait say nothing she will come out of it quicker or chase after you

[Anonymous]

Goodness it is the complete opposite for my boyfriend and me. He stays mad for hours sometimes days and it drives me crazy! I on the other hand get over things pretty quickly and I'd rather talk and work through it than fight. But if it's with me and someone I'm not too close to I can hold grudges for months.

[Vaeth]

depends on the argument, but mostly, a few hours. afterward I either cold shoulder them completely and go hammer out my anger with sports or boxing, or deal with it up close.

my ex and I used to actually just fist fight with each other until we got tired and let it all out.

that was the best way for us.

I hate the manipulation and mindf*ckery after arguments when the thoughts start to fester in your brain.

[martyfellow]

Usually it takes just a few minutes, since I can understand why the disagreement occurred. But if involves different goals or interests, the argument can continue indefinitely! Sometimes people have different goals and this can't be reconciled.

[MizzAshley92]

As long as I get the last word in and whoever made me mad just goes away for a few minutes ill get over whatever just happened but a lot of the time it tends to come back up in the next arguement..Thats just how females work I guess.

[mangageek]

anywhere between an hour and a day depending on what happened. sometimes I still feel a little mad if I think about it a few days later but not that much

[Anonymous]

it depends on the argument or the situation, but the last time I was really upset, it took me about an hour to calm down. I didn't want to be near anyone, and I went for a run just to let off some steam until I felt better

[Jager66]

it depends, if its bad enough ill not be angry for long but ill cut you out of my life, if its not that dramatic and it almost never is usualy 1-10 min. maybe an hour on a bad day.

[anonymous90]

I'm a very patient and forgiving person so I can calm down within a few minutes.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Not too long. Usually cause I'll just go play a game or something after and get the aggression out.

[Apodyopsis]

Depends - it doesn't usually take me long to cool off. I don't go into fits of rage either, so I find communication very useful. It's just not as appealing anymore when it's not a mutual belief.

[JumpingGrasshoppers]

Depends on the situation really, But I can hold a grudge for months:)

[MakeLoveNotWar]

Takes me a second or two because I always laugh it off lol.

[destroyer]

About 2 minutes, just like most things I do, haha

[phil2]

depends, I could be mad for years.

[Anonymous]

i have an argument with my girl freind three days ago andshe still mad t me. how will i calm her down?

[Nouschka]

depends, mostly 5-10 minutes.

[Tphilly187]

5 min