Don't fall in love with me...

[Anonymous]

I'm sorta going out with this guy, I like the sex and I like the guy. However, I am not in love with him. And I kinda feel as if he really likes me a lot. So yesterday before he dropped him off, I looked at him in his eyes, held his face and I told him, "I like you, but please don't fall in love with me." Was I wrong for saying this? How would you feel if a girl tells you that?

[drstms]

Come on. Do you control your heart? If you do, then it is not free to feel. This guy cannot, and should not try to control the way he feels about you. Feelings are there to be experienced. Yes, if he learns to love you, he may get hurt. The problem I see is that you have reached a point where you think love is something controllable.

The only way to make love controllable is to deny it access to things that should be loved. This means you build a fortress around your heart that protects it from any invaders. However, since the walls of a fortress don't know when someone comes to bring you joy, they keep the joy and pain out, equally well. This denies your heart the stimuli it requires to grow and be healthy, which means it will shrivel and die, or at least rot away in bitterness.

I would suggest grieving whatever pain you have experienced in the past. Grieving is the process of expelling the pain from your body and allowing the tears to irrigate the wounds of your souls so Christ can cleanse the wound and suture it closed, so it can heal well. Of course he lets other people, and the adversary, probe the wound in order to massage it and stimulate the healing process so it doesn't remain calloused forever.

Let Him lead you through the process. All you have to do is give Him permission. Since He is God, you can even challenge Him to make Himself real in your life, protecting, guiding and healing whatever needs healed. In my case, after He earned my trust, I gave Him permission to do so, even if it had to be in spite of me, because I knew He had to take me to some scary places that I might not have wanted to go at the time. However, as I have learned through experience, He doesn't take us anywhere we don't need to go, for any longer than we need to be there, and it is always worth the work to reach the freedom on the other side.

I no longer have to defend my self, since I haven't invested that much in defining the self God created. I also don't have to protect my self, since God is my protector. He gives me insight as to why people do what they do, so it isn't as personal, or painful, anymore. He also is the redeemer who will redeem any pain I do experience, so I don't have to be afraid of getting hurt, anymore. It is His truth that truly sets us free.

[nonyabiz2002]

"I no longer have to defend my self, since I haven't invested that much in defining the self God created. I also don't have to protect my self, since God is my protector."

I honestly never thought of it that way... what a liberating thought. Best answer I've seen all day (and all week).

[Tommyboy]

I would feel really devastated that the girl I liked told me that. Like really crushed. If you like him then why did you say that to him. If you like him and he likes you then why not fall in love. Sure maybe you both could get hurt by falling in love but isn't that what love is. I mean its better to have someone to love, to keep you close, to care for, and to be with for the rest of your life. It seems to me that you let him go, you let go an opportunity to be with a guy. I'm confused, why did you have to do that to him?

[Scarlettx]

This is exactly like my situation with a guy. That's what he said to me, in fact he said 'My greatest fear is you falling in love with me'.

It hurt me terribly & you need to set the record with him. The thing is the guy I'm seeing thinks I'm fine with the whole 'fwb' thing, I'm lying to him & pretending I am, completely destroying myself in the process.

Don't knowingly break someone's heart, I've done it & had it done to me. It's not fair. Tell him that you would prefer to just see him casually, 'fwb' type of thing then it's up to him whether to go along or not therefore you were honest with him & yourself. It's the best & fairest thing to do in the end.

[bringmethewinner]

I am in exactly the same kind of situation. The guy seemed cool with it at first, now he is falling. My advice would be to talk with him, with complete honesty. You should talk about what you want from the relationship and whether its gonna work. I think you need to get this clear between you two before he falls harder. Good luck.

[Harrja5]

I'm a little confused that you don't want him to fall for you, but you have sex with him. Is sex not a serious thing? I hope I'm not being offensive, it's just that I think when two people become intimate physically.there's an emotional tie there. Or maybe not.

[death2douches]

honestly I would feel like I had wasted my time. *knife meet wrist*

[Anonymous]

I'm confused, you had sex with him but don't love him. That's a little shaky, I don't think he deserves someone like you then.

[SayCheese]

That we're being used to fulfill her needs.