If she lost interest because I didn't make a move should I do this?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a girl for two months and went to her house a couple of times. She would talk about sex a lot and give me signs of interest through body language. The first time i went around she put her legs on mine and i gave her a massage. The second times i went around we cuddled and held hands and got a bit flirty. Third time i went around she obviously wanted sex with me as she wasn't wearing much. I didn't make a move but hugged and kissed her when leaving. I saw her after this and she was being flirty with me again and we held hands.
Last week i went to her and she didn't want any physical contact as i had tried to put my arms around her and she didn't want me to. I still hugged and kissed her when leaving. She has since told me me she's not after anything and is sorry if i got the wrong end of the stick.

I have messaged her again since then asking how she is, but she hasn't replied. Should i try one more time and explain that i do like her and am sorry for not making a move on her sooner as she was clearly interested. And to ask for us to try one more time?

[aftermydemise]

I literally threw my hands up in the air after reading this, cause I'm fucking frustrated with you!

Do you enjoy kissing her?
are you not attracted to her?
Do you not like sex in general?
was something going on in your personal life that you couldn't deal with properly?
are you a virgin?

ok so she'd talk about sex a lot with you

she showed clear indication of having a desire to have sex with "YOU!!" through her body launage, that you picked up on

you had 3!!! obviously intimate settings where you were massaging her body, cuddling, kissing. YOU HAD HER ALMOST NAKED... AND YOU STILL DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER?

you are asking "should you try" like you have an opportunity to do so. you REJECTED her every chance you got it seems?

dude, I don't understand? but you pretty much blew it.

how would you feel if someone did that to you? that shut hurts, and it hurts a lot more for women because women are so used to being desired sexually by men. you pretty much told her she was not desirable at all sexually.

[Asker]

So there's no way at all of fixing this?

[aftermydemise]

why didn't you have sex with her? what was holding you back?

[aftermydemise]

if you know the answer, and it better be a good one that she'll understand, like "you have no penis" so THATS WHY you rejected her. maybe that'll fix it. but being rejected like that hurts people's egos, and you might have made her feel so unattractive that nothing will fix it.
.
why Do you suddenly care now?

[Asker]

I guess i was a bit nervous. She been a bit rough with me the time before and almost broke my thumb. I also thought she was moving too fast as we had only been talking for 3 weeks

[Asker]

I care now because i like her and she's getting away from me

[aftermydemise]

you're almost 30 my friend, get rid of that "too fast" mentality. if anything the opportunity to have sex with will lots of "hot young women" will slowly start to fade away. too soon will turn into too long, and then it'll turn into NEVER. unless you pay for it.

[aftermydemise]

so tell her, you were afraid for the safety of your penis because you didn't want her to break it like she almost broke your thumb. Lol

[Asker]

Lol that would be funny. Should i tell her face to face or over text

[aftermydemise]

personally for me, whenever I want to have a serious conversation with someone it is so much easier to say what I want, how I want, the person I'm talking to can hear the ton of my voice, see my body language, tell if I'm emotional or not. I refuse to have serious conversations with people over text message anymore. because so much of the little nuances and cues that people give off, things they aren't even aware of doing when they're talking get lost. it's best to never have a serious talk over text. so much gets misconstrued. you ever had a serious conversation over text message with someone. and then you see that person, in person, for the first time since your serious text convo, and have the same conversation with them again in person?

[Asker]

I would have to go to her house to speak to her about this. Should i message her saying " Im going to come to yours tomorrow night at 8 to talk to you if thats not a problem?"

[aftermydemise]

I wouldn't tell her your coming over. you should ask her if you can, because she might not want to see you.

[Asker]

Yes true, she's already ignored two of my messages

[aftermydemise]

perhaps give her some time. you obviously hurt her. but if you are honest, and sincere in your effort to explain and apologize to her, she might forgive you. most people are at least open to hearing what someone has to say if they are truly honest and there's sincerity in their voice.

[Asker]

Should i wait a few days or weeks to message her again? My last message was asking how she was getting on in work after being in hospital? Maybe she feels awkward

[aftermydemise]

no... waiting weeks will only make things worse. what was she in the hospital for and for how long? was it serious? did you go see her in the hospital? how long has it been since the last time you actually saw her in person? and since the last time you messaged her?

[Asker]

She was in hospital for two weeks because she had a seizure. When i went to visit her, her parents were there a few times. So i got to know them slightly. She was still showing me signs of interest while she was there. I saw her last Monday at her house. I messaged her on Sunday and yesterday. She has read them but not replied. Last Monday i did see her with a guy in town. But she told me he was a friend.

[aftermydemise]

Do you talk to her parents at all, or someone close to her, maybe they could tell you how she's been doing and when they think would be the best time for you to go see her in person?

[Asker]

i dont talk to her parents but i used to talk to one of her sisters. But i was never that close to her. She was the one who set us both up

[aftermydemise]

Just a friend doesn't mean he doesn't wanna sleep with her. She might have given up on you and is trying to get with this new guy? Maybe they've already slept together? I would try to clear this up as quickly as possible, especially since there's the other guy. But if you're going to just show up at her house, bring her some flowers or something. That'll probably cause her to lower her guard and be more receptive to what you have to say also. Plus it shows her you were thinking about her.

[Asker]

Im going to message her saying " im confused by what you have said and would like to clear things up in person rather than over messenger. If you could let me meet you at yours then we can talk about this and draw a line in the sand"

[aftermydemise]

that sounds like a smart move dude. good luck!! let me know what happens.

[Asker]

How long should i leave before i send that or just do it now?

[aftermydemise]

Id do it now

[Asker]

No time like the present. I bet she doesn't reply lol.

[aftermydemise]

Then you show up and plead your case and hope shell listen

[Asker]

Really? isn't that a bit weird/stalkerish? lol

[aftermydemise]

some people might think so. but who cares. at least you tried to make sure she understood your side and why you were the way you were. know

[Asker]

Im in two minds now whether to try and move on or contact her and get it all off my chest. I dont know what to do?

[Logorithim]

For future reference- never, ever apologize for not making a move on a woman or missing obvious signs she's interested- it makes you look even worse, even more clueless.

You missed the boat on this, but don't worry about it- there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Just don't make the same mistake again. There are plenty of guys willing to have sex with her, so she's not going to wait around while someone does a Hamlet.

[Js138]

What the fuck? That would send my head spinning as well. To be affectionate one minute, and cold the next? My guess is she found an interest in someone else. I wouldn't apologize for not making a move sooner. Most women would love to have a gentleman like that. Obviously she's a mixed up girl. She'd most likely just end up hurting you, so your best bet is to move on and forget her. You didn't do anything wrong here.

[SunshineGal]

i would say try to contact her again, just so you dont feel guilty for missing it? .. but, if a guy could hold himself, and not make me feel like he wants to have sex with me right away, and wanted to be more slow and romantic with me,,, it would make me happy and safe ,, maybe she is just sleeping around and not really after love or a relationship

[Asker]

im thinking of sending her this " im confused by what you have said and would like to clear things up in person rather than over messenger. If you could let me meet you at yours then we can talk about this and draw a line in the sand"

[Danael31]

Yeah do it

[StarSea23]

I dont think its a matter of lost opportunity. If she liked you she could have told you too. You said after the couch thing she was still fine with touching you. It seems she was just after sex and since you didn't give her that, she moved on.

[Asker]

So she wasn't that interested in me to begin with. She was just after a quick f**k?

[StarSea23]

I think she was probably interested, but not for a relationship.

[Asker]

Should i still talk to her just to clear things up?

[StarSea23]

Sure, because thats bothering you.

[Asker]

I would need to meet her at her house but would also need her permission to go. I would need to send her a message that would ensure she lets me go around. I was going to send this to her " im confused by what you have said and would like to clear things up in person rather than over messenger. If you could let me meet you at yours then we can talk about this and draw a line in the sand"

[StarSea23]

Sounds good to me. If she accepts it, go to her house and be clear, dont leave there with any remaining doubts

[Asker]

If she doesn't reply, then what?

[StarSea23]

Then give it time and move on. One day she might reply and then you ask her, but she sounds like she goes from one guy to another really quickly

[Asker]

I dont think ill message her. she's ignored my last two so she ll probably ignore this one. Itll just make me look desperate and needy. She is an attractive woman so wouldn't struggle getting another guy. If i had got with her ithink it would have been a drama filled relationship with lots of baggage. The sex might have been fun and wild but that would have been it. Im not the sort of guy that suited her dominate needs.

[StarSea23]

You are right. If you can move on without smoothing things out, do so. She sounds too... i dont know, changed her mind too fast.

[SarahsSummer]

After reading BOTH your questions in the same issue, I think you are the confusing one. You titled this... “... because I didn’t make a move”
But told me specifically that you did make a move by putting your hand in her breast.

[Asker]

It wasn't really a move as such just an accidental touch

[SarahsSummer]

So I asked you a specific question to try and help and you lied to me.
Good luck.

[JayCasper777]

You've missed your shot. When a girl wants sex, just go for it. Worse that can happen is a no.
Just meet up with her if you can, meet one of her friends and dont mess up next time. Even if you dont get her freinds if she sees you are going for someone else she might want you back and you'll get a last shot. I not you'll get one of her freinds. Hope this is helpful.

[Asker]

Do you think she just wanted sex and nothing more then? She did seem to change her mind very quickly

[JayCasper777]

Nah, if you reject a girl she's really hurt. So she's gonna run for the hills super fast or try to hurt you basicly any extreme reaction.

[parttimelover]

A lot of these guys saying you missed a chance but she missed a chance to be with a respectful man like you. She sounds like drama and worse. A tease! She likes the feeling of being desired but is too much of a pussy to go all the way and commit her body to you. Find someone else believe me you'll thank yourself

[coolbreeze]

She probably wanted just sex and a hook up and nothing more. I'm sorry man that sucks she is acting like this. Buy flowers and tell her how you really feel in person. At least you got to try and see if she still is feeling you or not. I think she might be talking to another guy. So be careful of your feelings and emotions.

[D4NTH3M4N217]

It's very difficult from our position as an audience to know what that girl would like, to me it sounds like she had a moment of attraction and since then has lost it, not because of you but because she's not in the 'mood' anymore. It's your call but be wary of the conequences

[Anonymous]

No. If there's one thing that will turn a girl off faster than a guy who won't make a move, it's a guy who tries to explain WHY he was a wuss, and beg for sex.

No no no no no. She is not going to give you a second chance because you tried to explain.

[chilleddude]

You shouldn't apologize for not making a move. You did the right thing by not to you probably respect her and you didn't want to take advantage of it, i think you should try to make a move than she should respond or she'll tell you not to no harm done

[Asker]

Should i go to her house to talk about things?

[chilleddude]

No the one thing that annoys people is by bringing up something that has already been forgiven, so don't bring it up instead go easy on the physical contact intill like a month than try to make a move but only when it seems the right time

[Asker]

Its not likely that i will ever see her again

[chilleddude]

You guys live far?

[Asker]

No not that far apart. I may see her in town or out clubbing at some stage

[chilleddude]

Clubbing?

[Asker]

Yeh as in dance music in a club

[chilleddude]

She a striper?

[Asker]

No. As in you go to a night club and dance to loud music

[chilleddude]

Ah yes, maybe you should meet up with her at a club

[ccfighta76]

Don’t waste your time… She’s drama. If she wasn’t happy the few times you were with her it’s not worth it.

[Asker]

Thats whats strange. She seemed to be completely happy and interested whenever i saw her. She couldnt stop smiling

[ccfighta76]

Something happened...

[Asker]

the most that ever happened was cuddling and kissing

[ccfighta76]

No for her to change her mind

[Asker]

she's a very sexual person and very open about it. I got a bit embarrassed when she said a few things, especially in front of her parents. She referred to me as being a prude. Maybe this could be the reason. Although we did have a bit of banter about it after

[whoop12345]

I would take one last shot at it. I mean it won't hurt to try. My? Is what the hell was the problem the other times you went over there?

[Asker]

I was nervous. She was a bit violent aswell and almost broke my thumb

[whoop12345]

Seems like she wants a dominant dude. And you dont fit the bill.

[Asker]

This could be the case.

[jimyee]

You missed your chance.. you dont have to go all the way if your not ready but you shpuld have been making out on the couch rather than just wait to kiss on the porch

[RandomGuy25_]

You meet her in person and talk about it. Why is she being cold. What happened suddenly. I know you like me. You know i like you too. I just wanted you to be sure about this and wanted you to be comfortable before we do anything. Stuff like that.

[Asker]

Sounds good to me. But the only way i could do this is by going to her house

[RandomGuy25_]

Then do it. Never hold back when you like someone. They only think that you dont like them. If you do that

[Asker]

Would it be strange going to her house unannounced?

[RandomGuy25_]

Just message her first to meet once or whenever she's ready. When she will be calm. She would listen to you. She will miss you soon.

[LegateLanius]

Sounds to me as though she has already made her mind, you could ask her but more than likely you are going to be disappointed with her answer.

[Anonymous]

I think she did like you but either regrets it or has moved on. You probably should have taken your chance if you liked her too. Just leave it now

[Dxk007]

Just talk to her in person and, convey your feelings, she'll understand.

[Asker]

Should i go to her house to do this?

[Dxk007]

Yeah, you can go to her house but, it would be better if, you both can talk in a public place.

[Asker]

Im not sure she would do that. Would going to her house un announced be creepy?

[Dxk007]

no, just try and surprise her

[Dxk007]

or, send a text before coming

[Cellestial]

I'd say go for but skip the part where you say sorry for making a move

[Asker]

What do i say then? Should i go around to her house to talk with her?

[Cellestial]

Just be honest with her, tell her you like her and like being with her and if there's still a chance you can come to her home, then if she says yes go and try another time if she doesn't want any physical contact like the last time then just move on.

[Asker]

Should i explain things in the message about when she was showing interest towards me?

[Cellestial]

I wouldn't suggest that tbh

[Asker]

I do feel like i would come across as desperate and needy if i went around. But im not sure what to do

[Cellestial]

Just tell her by text don't go.. if she refuses or sends cold responses then just move on, it's just a matter to know if there's still a chance or it's time to move on for good

[Asker]

So saying something like.
"I feel like i did get the wrong end of the stick because of the way you were around me. I would say that you did actually like me. If you were just after sex thats fine. But I feel like you were wanting more than that though. I came to visit you in hospital and supported you at your most vulnerable point. I do like you and if there is any chance i would like to know either way."

[Lazeez]

i think she expected more than kiss and hug bro , she lost interst in you.
if you can try again go a head. do your best this time

[IKnowIKnowNothing]

"Lemme Freak" -Lil Dicky.
But seriously, you missed it. You should've grabbed her tits when you had the chance, and she probably found another dude who did. Sorry mate

[LuWe22]

You could ask her but it seems like your miss the chance.

[Anonymous]

Try it a few times more, with flowers and chocolates.

[Kvppv]

Of course you should but only if you believe she deserves it after all

[Dude_1820]

Try it and see how it goes