Why is my boyfriend jealous of my dead ex?

[Anonymous]

My current boyfriend of 2 years has a huge and I mean a HUGE problem with me going and visiting my exes grave. My ex was my first ever boyfriend and my current one is my second. Anyway my first boyfriend and I grew up together in the same neighborhood, studied at the same schools, played together, ate a lot together and did almost everything together, we knew each others friends and relatives etc basically we knew each other inside out and became inseparable after we started dating since we were 15. We were together for almost 5 years until he had a car accident and he only survived for like 3 or 4 days. After about 2 years I started dating again and found this amazing guy who is now my boyfriend but recently he has started getting really annoyed if I visit my ex's grave, (I only go once every month to put some flowers or to say hi or whatever). Last week after I came back from visiting he started yelling at me that "you haven't moved on! you still cling to that dead guy" and it really hurt me, if I hadn't moved on I wouldn't be smiling, laughing and falling in love with another guy and hoping to marry him someday. I still visit my ex's grave because even though we've both moved on but I still consider him as one of my best friends and why the heck wouldn't I? I don't sob at his grave, I don't have pictures of him posted on my walls or made a shrine of his in my room, nor do I talk about him and its also because his family moved to another city and there's nobody who visits him plus he was really close to me even as a friend. And I know that sooner or later I might move to another town so I won't get to go there anyway. So what should I do people? confront my boyfriend and let him deal with it or stop going to save this relationship, I honestly wanna kick his ass though because I don't have a prob with him being in touch with his exes who are frikkin alive! so what the heck is his problem?

[QuestioningM]

Hi, I can see this is quite an old thread but wanted to follow up. How have you helped your boyfriend understand you?
I'm dealing with the inverse of this situation. My boyfriend lost his ex 5 years ago. We've been together for 1.5 years and I keep stumbling into her photos, we had an argument over taking down her pics etc. I love him and I know he loves me but I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm option B and that he'd be with her if she was alive, although he assures me that's not the case. My boyfriend sounds like you, fully moved on, but I can't get to terms with it. How did you manage to help him?
Thanks!

[missymoo]

Maybe he feels that if your ex hadn't passed away, that you would still be with him, and that he is second best. Its understandable, but I think it shows his immaturity and lack of empathy that he can't understand that your ex will always be a part of you, and visiting his grave once a month, when no one else can, is a way to honour his life. Not because your still in love with him, but because you want to remember him. I just don't want to imagine what he is like with guys who are still alive..

[Anonymous]

he thinks he's second best and if your ex was alive you would be with him...just try and re assure him that he's means the world to you...I can understand that you would want to visit your exes grave...seens as you were so close...try and get your boyfriend to understand and listen to you x

[Desires]

Why wouldn't he be jealous? He probably thinks you wouldn't be with him if your Boyfriend hadn't died. He's probably worried that if your deceased boyfriend magically came back to life (Hypothetically) that you would ditch him.

I can easily understand what he would feel.

[Asker]

He wasn't a vampire so I don't expect him to pop out of his grave anytime soon lol but yea I get what you're trying to say

[Sekret]

I can understand why he could feel so. But its totally foolish of him to show such reaction.

Explain him your point of view, tell him that you are there with him, because you want to be there. And not with anybody else.

[enlightenment]

you have to discuss it at a time when everything is good. Not when he is upset after you coming home from the cemetary. You have to sit him down and talk, and maybe even come to a comprimise. But don't do it when tensions are high

[xxMiss_Katiexx]

I think he is being extremely selfish!

He shouldn't control you and I would do the same thing you are!

[Anonymous]

can't compete with someone that's dead , and you should move on or he will leave you because holding onto someone from your past that you still love alive or dead makes your current relationship pointless.. either break up or move on..

[Lifesabore]

It seems she has but she still has thr right to viait his grave thats insane