Why do I feel like I need a boyfriend so much?

[ekuchic91]

I'm 19 years old and have dated guys since I was 15. I've been in two serious relationships the first one lasted two years and was mainly during high school and my second one was during my freshmen year of college 2nd semester and we just took a "break" a few days ago. Which was extremely hard for me to do and it just doesn't feel right at all, my stomach is constantly in that state where I'm like nervous or sick to my stomach, and its a big downer on things that normally put me in a good mood. You could say mild depression but who knows? I just don't understand why I feel the need to always have someone there constantly I do become attached easily and can tend to be clingy at times and love to hold and touch the one I am with. I've always stressed over having a boyfriend ever since middle school and when I finally got one its like I was feeding my addiction. I just can't come to understand why this is so important to me when my friends have either never had a boyfriend or its just not that important to them. Someone please give me an answer, the only conclusion that I can come up with is that my father died when I was 4, so basically I grew up without a father, my mother remarried shortly after but he was just there you know? He never got involved when it came to parenting, being a father type deal. Yes he was there for me but never stepped in as a dad, basically because he felt as if it wasn't his place, which is totally understandable. I just feel that since I never had a father there for me through my life or a father figure I feel that I may need a boyfriend to fulfill this emptiness. This is the only conclusion I can come up with but if anybody has any other advice please give!

[Womanifique]

You sound like you're co-dependent, which could definitely be from not having a father growing up. I say that only because I know exactly what you're talking about, I feel it too. I had my first love at 18 and have always been in pretty long relationships, the one I'm currently in being the shortest at 7 months.

I have a huge problem being alone, I suck at it. I feel like I'll never find someone, I lose sleep, I feel sick and I'm 28! lol I don't really have a fix for you, it's something I have to work on daily, even when I have a boyfriend. Making sure I keep myself in check with the clinginess and everything, but I think realizing that you're like this is the first step to controlling it. Start doing stuff that makes you happy that doesn't involve a guy, like sports or volunteering or something like that. At any rate, keep your head up, you're not alone <3

[ekuchic91]

Woanifigue thank you so much its great to know that someone else is out that in my situation thanks for your advice =]

[IWillNotBow76]

Psychologically speaking, when a girl grows up without a fatherly figure, it can play a major role in delevopment. According to sigmund freud, if you go through ages4-7 without experiencing the elektra-complex (penis envy and desire of the father figure), it messes up the whole system.

This has been argued and fought a lot, but speaking from experience, I know girls who have the same feelings you have and it is perfectly normal! You shouldn't feel like you have an addiction, everybody needs love and affection and it isn't a problem, you just need somebody, as do we all!

-Hope this helped to give you some insight, Good luck with everything

[ekuchic91]

Thank you for answering my question, and I learned about this in college so was curious if it had anything to do with the whole not having a father thing, but was also wondering if there was any other reasons as well?

[spacegroove50]

I agree with the first poster. You crave the attention of a male as it was not there early on for you. Perfectly normal. It is not uncommon for a girl your age to be infatuated with a man that is older than you.

[BlackWidow93]

Probably because you haven't found yourself yet.