How do I get my boyfriend to stop criticizing me?

[Kimberly2830]

I love my boyfriend very much and he loves me. He's grown up in a household where his parents are very critical of everything he does and says, so he has picked up a little bit of it. The things he criticizes me for aren't really a HUGE deal but they are still things that effect me such as how I am so laid back and he's a perfectionist. When I bring up how much it hurts me I know he cares because sometimes he breaks down crying saying he's sorry and he doesn't want to lose me. I guess I'm just wondering if this is somewhat normal and if there are other people out there that are going through the same thing.

[brkadv]

I wonder if he has a little bit of OCD in him. Growing up around really critical people, someone can become very vigilant and almost uncomfortable with peace. They almost have to pick on something just to shake things up again to get in their comfort zone. Remember that underneath all that is his memories of his parents being so critical. It sounds like he regrets his behavior but has a hard time stopping it. It's almost compulsive in a way.

It sounds like you understand that and take a caring attitude toward it. And it sounds like he suspects it himself. It might be that he'd benefit from some therapy about the tension that came from growing up in a critical environment. He is kind of adapted to an atmosphere of stress and has a hard time letting go. There is probably a lot of pain under there that has to be released to let him relax. Just my thoughts.

[Cigam]

I am critical of my friends, because I don't want them to make some of the same mistakes that I have, or that I have seen. It can get annoying and I have lost some friends because of it. But if you really like him, then just keep talking to him about it. I have a similar story myself, but it just takes time, because if it has become his habit, those take time to break and you never can completely get rid of them. It just will happen less over time.

[bostongirl]

My relationship is similar, but the opposite, where I'm the perfectionist and he's more laid back. The first time he told me he felt I was being overly critical, I didn't realize I was, and after that I was super aware of how I spoke to him and it hasn't been a problem since. I don't doubt that your boyfriend cares about you, but I have to wonder why he keeps doing it if he sees how much it hurts you. If you guys are really serious about each other, perhaps talking to a couples counselor might help? They might be able to help him work out some of his perfectionist issues and help you relationship. I hope it gets better!

[Kimberly2830]

Couple counselor- GREAT idea. Thank you for that suggestion... I've also wondered why it's so hard for him to stop criticizing me since he knows how much it hurts. But I think a lot of it is his family.... Thank you for your answer.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you won't have sex with him anymore if he says one more rude thing. Flash him then so he knows what he is missing. Good Luck.

[Midnight27]

Just don't take it anymore. Go on the offensive, tell him if he can't deal with a certain amount of "imperfections" then he should take a hike. It's called being in a relationship.

[questionasker1]

Dump him!