How can I get my boyfriend to stop treating me like this?

[cbear0192]

okay well I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and things aren't going so great. we fight like everyday and he says its my fault we fight. I feel like I always have to worry about him lying to me and idk. When I call him crying he doesn't care, my parents are divorcing and I couldn't sleep last night because I was up crying and he wouldn't stay up with me and he accused me of lying about my parents separating. He always screams at me about stupid things and whenever I say this might not be working out he says he doesn't care. He has this attitude that's like "im better than you, I can do whatever the f*** I want, I'm not whipped" kinda thing. because all his friends used to call him whipped so now if I get upset about something he does, he does it anyway and doesn't care if I get upset. Every time we fight he treats me so bad and calls me names like a retarded bitch, or emo, or pathetic and I just sit there crying. what should I do? and please don't say leave him because I just want to fix it. How should I act when we fight? is there anything I should say to him or should I ignore him or what? please detailed advice. thank you

Updates

+1 y

well for the past few days I've been acting different with him and I don't start any fights and I always try to be in a good mood and not be a bitch lol and he been treating me better. this might have been partially my fault

[hisangel]

I think he is done. I think he is emotionally done and he has shut off. Sometimes when women are criers, whether a woman means to or not, a man will begin to feel emotionally manipulated. And that seems to be what is happening here. At the beginning, he didn't mind the dramatic fights but most of them probably ended with him feeling like a total jerk for making you cry. But after a time, people get tired of feeling like they are all to blame and they will shut off.

From one woman who used to be a crier in fights to another (from me to you), you need to stop the crying. I know that is how you express yourself but it is also a fabulous manipulation tactic. You have seen it work a thousand times to end an argument and now it's how you want to end them. Instead of walking away or talking it out, crying is a great way to end it. But what is happening now is exactly what happens. The man begins to feel controlled (which secretly he is) and he closes off and becomes an ass. That doesn't mean you are responsible for that. He is responsible for his own words and his own actions.

Frankly, he thinks the relationship has dissolved into a mind game. That's why he doesn't get upset when you cry, he thinks its a trick. That's why he thinks you are lying about your parents. That's why when you say to him over and over again, that you think it isn't working, he says he doesn't care. And honestly, and I don't say it lightly, I think he might be right. You doing things like repeatedly telling him that it might be over is a way to get him to come to heel. In the past he might have bowed to it but he isn't anymore. The relationship has been a power struggle since the beginning. You won with crying, he is now winning through not caring.

If you would have said he was this way from the beginning, I would have said he is an abusive, non trusting person. But because you said his friends used to think he was whipped, I get that feeling he probably was. And someone can only be hit so many times (emotionally or physically) before they give up or leave. Some people are too loyal to leave so he is emotionally checking out and waiting for you to leave.

Until you can talk as equals, without games, without a power struggle, this isn't going to be fixed.

[Anonymous]

See that's the problem with a lot of girls and why they end up in sh*tty relationships where the guy doesn't respect them. Because you never want to leave him and you just want to fix it. Honey you can't fix a lack of respect. Some things cannot be fixed. The guy lies to you, he doesn't care about you crying, he screams at you, calls you names, and cares more about what his friends think than you. Why do you think you have to put up with that? That's why he doesn't respect you. No offense but how do you sit there when a guy calls you a retarded bitch and still want to be with him? You have to draw the line somewhere. You teach people how to treat you. He is an asshole with no incentive to change his behavior because he has a girlfriend that lets him run all over her and makes excuses for him. If the tables were turned do you think this guy would be that "understanding" to you? Hell no. If you don't break up with him he is gonna keep doing the same thing and probably get worse. Leave him.

[sexcichick]

Okay..wow you reallly don't see what everyone else sees.What I see is a beautiful girl stuck in a relationship with a horrible jerk who was basically set straight by one of his ex girlfriends and was controlled probably and now he wants to do the same thing to you.I know you want him to change into a "better person" but by you guys arguing everyday and then you just letting him say whatever he wants to you, isn't exactly helping.If you loved him you would let him go and just let him sort things out for himself, because when you go thorough sh*t in life ON YOUR OWN and figure things out on your own, the things that you learn from that experience makes you way more stronger .So if you want him to stop being an idiot and to be secure in him self and not let things out on you,then let him go.

[stercor]

Ooo...a blamer! Reading further on, he sounds like a cruel, jerk-sociopath.

Are you two co-dependent? This relationship is doomed, or should be.

He should be a support for you during this difficult time. It's unconscionable for him to treat you as he does.

You'll have to find someone who responds to you emotionally -- this d00d doesn't. In fact, it appears that he wants to use you emotionally for his own emotional gratification (whatever that may be).

Keep your dignity.

Ted

[Cartiphilus]

I have to agree with him. If he really cared for you, he would stay with you through not only the good times but the bad. For your own dignity you have to cut him loose and move on with your life. He isn't worth you loosing your self respect. You're very pretty and will be able to find someone else who hopefully will really care for you.

[daismos]

Quit crying! trust me! and show you don't care and he will come around! easy