Why won't she say "I love you" back?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. After the first 5 months we decided to move in together. We are both in our late twenties and this is her first time living with a boyfriend. Everything has been great.

We talk about the future and both of us are in it for the long haul. There is just one problem. She has yet to say "I love you". I've said it a few times and always get a positive response from her, like a hug or a big kiss. But she has yet to say those words back and frankly it bothers me.

I don't want to mention it to her because then she may start saying it out of obligation rather than meaning it. So I guess I'm just trying to figure out why she won't say. Actions show that she does, but why can't she say it?

The only thing I can think of is that she was raised in a broken home. Her parents split when she was a baby and from what I gather it hurt her deeply because as a teen she found out that the reason wh was because her father cheated on her mother. It totally broke her mothers heart and helped to foster a life of drinking addiction and low self-esteem. She was raised seeing how love can hurt when it does not go the way you think it will.

Aside from that I have no clue why she has not said it yet. Have any women here had trouble saying those three words to someone they love?


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What Girls Said 3

  • That's exactly why is scares women. Regardless if we're today's self-power house being the independent woman or needing a man, if we've been hurt from betrayal we are reluctant. When the majority loves, we love 200%! We are hard-wired to be the neurturers. When we give total trust, love, faith, & hope into a relationship, it really does damages the wires, and we're left feeling like it bit us in the ass... kind of like a live/hot wire getting over loaded blowing a fuse. However, some of us CAN be retaught how to love again, and some of us can't. A friend of mine has let her guard down so many time only to see herself caught in the repeated cycle of hurt.
    Good luck, but remember it's a chance only you can decide if she can be re-wired or not. Be gentle and give her a fair opportunity. If nothing comes of it, count your losses and move on. She may not want to be re-wired, and in some twisted way wants to say "Go ahead and leave because I knew you would eventually."

  • I think her past could be the reason exactly. She may not want to say it out loud, because that means admitting it to herself, and recognizing that you could destroy her whole world in one fell swoop. It's the scary aspect of love, so I'd just let her know through actions (and words if the subject calls for it) that you would never hurt her.

  • Yes, I'm younger but maybe I might be able to help. If she's not saying it, maybe she assumes you know she loves you. Or maybe you should ask her why she's not saying it. Kindly and gently though.


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