We dated, moved quickly, then she freaked out and said she wasn't ready for dating and has commitment phobia?

[Anonymous]

So I met this girl online about 2 months ago where she actually pursued me from the beginning. We quickly began talking and went out for some first dates that went so incredibly well that we talked for hours. She had mentioned that she broke up with a guy of 5 years about 6 months ago who she later found out cheated on her and moved in with another girl after a month. After four weeks she invited me to a wedding and brought me to met her parents. I went with this and knew that after just a month or so that this was a little soon. So I met them and went to this wedding. The next night we went out to dinner with her best friends and then to a party after where I was introduced to a few people as her boyfriend, which we never discussed but I liked her so I didn’t care. At this point I liked her a lot and told her I wanted her to meet my parents as well across state and she had been OK with it. Things were still going well. She showed her interest because she would rearrange her nights to make time for me because she said it wasn’t fair to me to not make time. She also at one point wanted to join a gym with me and take a day off work together to spend time. I was like, wow this girl is into me. So one night we made dinner together and she said she missed kissing me and asked how much I missed her, since being away for two days. She also asked if I was going to keep her around so I figured these were hints she really likes me. Everything was good until about 2 days later which was the night before we were supposed to see my parents and she told me that she was having second thoughts about meeting my parents and didn’t know if it was because she was so overwhelmed with work ( she was busy at work) but was freaking out and that we might be moving too fast. We talked that night and then continued our conversation the next morning and she basically said that she is having commitment phobia issues and thinks that she might not be ready to date right now after moving so fast and the reality hit her with meeting parents. She said she is scared to hurt me like she was hurt by her ex. Not the cheating thing but more so her not being ready to commit yet. I asked her how she went from acting like she liked me so much to saying she wasn’t ready and afraid to commit within two days. She said her feelings were true and she just said she isn’t in a place right now to date with work being overwhelming and the thoughts of us dating for 6-7 more months and her hurting me because she isn’t ready.

Is this an excuse to break up? Is there a possibility she isn’t ready? Is she afraid to get hurt again and pushing me away? I asked to stay in touch she said yes. She said she didn’t want to promise how long she feels this way yet I wasn’t placed in the friend category. She said she thinks were good together but isn’t ready to date right now at all. She did say that she isn’t dating anyone else and if she was going to date it would be me. Am I looking too far into this? She said this was the truth. Do I email her? Stay in touch or move on?

[perez1]

Ok forgive me please! I started reading and had to stop. Sweetie there are so many red flags waving at me I feel like I'm on fire. Hello she's not a commitment PHOBIC she just got out of a five year relationship with no doubt someone she loved if it lasted that long, who cheated on her and she found out hindsight. Honey your first red flag is that she's online pursing you like a dog in heat. Sorry ( don't mean to offend anyone ) BUTTTT! You were then invited to a wedding and to meet the parents relationship 101 No NO'S . It takes time to create a healthy relationship and even longer to know someone. REBOUND REBOUND is screaming in my ear. Do yourself a favor you may not have to let her go completely but she's not ready for a commitment of any sort she hasn't committed to herself yet , she hasn't felt the pain of loosing the relationship. Go out enjoy yourself see her off and on if you like, but this one don't put too much faith in you having a true committed relationship with her . Its nothing against you she needs time to heal from that five year relationship. If you try to push it you will be the one hurt in the end.

[Anonymous]

I CAN RELATE IN A WAY TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE I, MYSELF, HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES SOMETIMES, BUT WHEN I KNOW THAT I'M BUSY WITH WORK AND WHAT NOT AND DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DATING, I WON'T PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP KNOWING THIS. I CAN SEE WHERE IT COULD HAVE ALL OF A SUDDEN HIT HER. IT IS A REALISTIC EXCUSE BUT IF SHE WAS REALLY INTO YOU LIKE SHE SAYS SHE IS, I DON'T THINK THAT SHE'D END IT. SHE WOULD TRY AND MAKE IT WORK NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. SHE MAY REALLY LIKE YOU BUT NOT ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH ALL THE TROUBLE OF CHANGING AROUND HER SCHEDULE AND FINDING TIME TO BE WITH YOU.

[stripes]

Regardless of wether her ex cheated on her, they had been together 5 years and she would no way get over this in 6 months...as much as she might want to it isn't possible. Dating other people is a distraction to get over her last relationship, and she is probaly doing you a favour by letting you go now rather than drag it out and hurt you even more. She spent a long time with this person and needs to grieve and adjust and try and find herself again but to do this you need to be on your own.

[Anonymous]

Dude, I am the exact same bs that you in. A few details different here and there, but almost identical situation. The best thing you can do, is to ignore her, let her come to you. Once in a while say hi and small talk but don't do anything but let her come to you.

She doesn't want to hurt you but she is. She told you the exact same thing I was told. It sucks because she is trying to break up with you is the nicest, kindest, sweetest way to not make you hate her. But you care about her so you have to trust what she is saying is true. Give it time, she may really not be ready. But if you starting acting like friends, you will become friends. So if you don't want to be friends, you have give her her space. Don't be the backup boyfriend.

You have to make her miss you. If you did nothing wrong, they why keep trying to call her. Don't be backup boyfriend...ignore her and make her come back to you. She will miss you.

[Asker]

What about the whole past boyfriend cheating on her? Maybe she is afraid to commit and that happen again. She obviously broke it off but could be because she isn't sure. She's the one that up to a few days before was all into me and saying flirty things etc. It would be hard for someone to fake that or be that mean to say good things knowing you are going to break up and not like them. Thoughts?

[Opinion Owner]

The girl that did this to me, told me she loved me. Then a week later said I don't know if I love you, it's not you it's me, I'm not ready for a relationship, you're perfect, ect. I drove this girl halfway across the country to visit her brother and I still got the it's not you it's me speach. I asked myself the same question you did. But actions speak louder than words. The only thing you can do ignore her, because if you don't it will push her away more. I'm telling you from experience.

[Shonadnyl]

This dude is right, never be a back up boyfriend, it sucks, you might feel liek "oh yeah I'm with her so its cool mate" but... you will come to find that you hate it, so wait for her to sort her feelins out...

[peeyopee]

bro just harden up get another one.