I'm in love with my best friend, and it's killing me

[Anonymous]

I have been friends with him for three years, and have slowly fallen in love with him. We have become closer and closer, now to the point were we hang out almost every night. We use to hang out in groups, but the past few months it has mostly been just us two. I know he is physically attracted to me, because we have fooled around a few times. last time he wanted to fool around I told him no, that it meant something different to me( I have told him that before) and that it was just physical to him. he took me home, and called me later that night. he asked me what I meant and I told him that I had feelings for him. after a while he told me he had feelings for me to, and that he has for a while. we went to sleep and he promised we would talk about it the next day. we didn't, and we didn't the next day either. I've asked him many different times if he really meant what he said or if he was just horny, and he said he really meant it. but we haven't really talked about it

here's my question, sorry it took so long to get to. if he really has feelings for me and he knows I have feelings for him then why hasn't he asked me out, or made a move? is it because he was lying to me because he was horny? or is it because we have been friends so long and it will take time to get to that point. I'm really confused about the whole thing.

please help me!

[kdcrazy46]

It sounds like he genuinely likes you. I have to agree with the others who said he seems afraid of losing you, too. He just lost his dad and that had to be traumatic for him. Right now he needs a sense of stability in his life, from those he's close to. Just assure him you'll be there for him, and that you'll always be his friend first and foremost. It may sound hard, but let him initiate things right now. He probably just isn't emotionally ready after his dad's death. Going through that with him (lending him a shoulder to cry on, letting him vent, whatever) will help you two get closer. Maybe after he starts feeling better over his dad you could tell him how you're feeling about him. Good luck!

[ScorpioJ]

I think it's because he's scared. You guys have been friends for so long and for you two to go out would be something entirely different. He might not wanna lose what you guys have or he just doesn't know how to move from being a boy-friend to a "Boyfriend". Or he could wanna wait and make sure he has strong enough feelngs to keep you so that you guys won't ruin your friendship. The best thing for you to do is sit him down face to face and talk. Talk about how you to feel and where you wanna go with your relationship. Best of luck (:

[Amanda121]

Listen sweetie, I think you just need to give him time because maybe he's not sure how he feels about you, he probably doesn't want to lose you as a friend, so I guess just wait and maybe try to corner him into talking in the future if he won't bring it up again.

[only_human89]

I have no idea. That sounds really strange. Maybe he was caught in the moment. He might have said it, then regretted it later. He probably cares about you though. I don't know any guy that spends three years with a girl and doesn't feel anything. Even if you've been mainly just friends in that time span. He might be avoiding a conversation because he realizes he made a mistake and doesn't hurt your feelings or ruin the friendship. If I knew him personally I could say for sure. Don't take my word for it though. Try hanging out with him normally.

[Asker]

we have continued to hang out like normal, we both act like nothing happened. the last time we hung out while he was driving me home he just said planly that he wasn't lieing, he still had feelings for me. I didn't know how to responed so I just looked out the window and said nothing.

[marcusx]

He loves you. Maybe he feels he does not need to make a big speech about it for you to know that. If you spend a lot of time together and not with other people,its obvious you are into each other. Getting physical was his non-verbal way of finding out how far you are willing to go with him. Next time he tries something ,clarify that you don't do that with a person whose true feelings you don't know.Then everything will be clear.

[Cupcakecutie0]

What a mess. He might like another girl, might have just been tired, maybe he is scared of change.

I would have to say move on.

[Asker]

well his dad just died a few months ago, so the change thing makes sense

[Cupcakecutie0]

My dad died too, I kinda know what he is going through. Dam I really wanna be able to help more. He might be messed up still and just doesn't wanna have you then all the sudden things don't work out then he loses you. Imagine how scary that is. Just be black and white with him is my best advice.

[haiishari]

i've just been through this..

it's one of those situations were you end up getting together and being a happy couple, or carry on like normal or just grow apart... but you can make it be what you want it to be. REMEMBER THAT!