Girl 'flirted' and asked for my number - but has boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

There's a girl I met at college a few weeks ago, and we really hit it off. There seemed to be great chemistry between us from the start. I was disappointed to hear that she has a boyfriend, however I still added her on Facebook as I'd like to keep in contact.

Since then we have seen each other in person (just in day to day routine, nothing like a date or anything) and before parting the last time she asked for my number and said we should keep in touch.

The problem I have is that my instinct says she likes me, but pretty much everything she's said or done could also be put down to being friendly when taken individually. I am thinking that especially as she has a boyfriend, it must just be the latter.

So, do you think I am misreading the signs and should forget about the possibility of a relationship?

[markml]

Well...put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes. Would you want to be with a girl who is going to dump you just as soon as someone new and exciting comes along, or worse yet go behind your back and try to start a relationship with this person? If she'd do it to her boyfriend, she'd do it to you too.

So you don't win if that happens.

But if she is faithful enough to stay with her boyfriend, then you don't win either obviously. Most of the time, you just end up torturing yourself.

Girls will often tell you that they are unaware of how flirtatious they may appear, but that's a lie. They know damn well what they're doing, which is leading you on. Honestly, I can't tell you exactly what's going on in the back of her mind, but I am willing to bet she has at least some awareness of what's going on. So it's not that you're misreading any signs, it's that she's being careless flirting with you when she knows she has a boyfriend. A lot of girls expect the guy to be the responsible person and realize what's at stake in this situation.

And it doesn't look good. Even if, let's assume you wait it out, and one day she becomes single again. At that point, you've probably fallen into her friend zone, which usually makes it even harder to start a relationship with her. On the other hand, if you make a move now, if she has any sense of decency, she'll reject you because she already has a boyfriend. You're stuck between being "happy to be just her friend" and being "the kind of guy who doesn't care she's seeing someone else".

Maybe there are girls who are mature enough to realize there should be a third option, but I've yet to actually meet any.

[TheFallen]

If she is Just being friendly keep in contact. She may have feelings but she isn't sure yet and since she has a boyfriend she may not want to lose what she already has unless she is sure. But try not to get too involved, If she is a great girl then if you start getting too involved with her while she is dating someone else it may turn her away.

However, If she is trying to get romantically involved while she is with her boyfriend then stay away. That's not a good kind of girl to get involved with.

So stick it out and remain friendly. If she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts spending more time with you then you have a shot and that's when you go for it. Until then keep looking for someone else while still remaining friends with her. That way you don't waste your time waiting on her and nothing come of it.

I wish you the best of luck man.

[Asker]

Cheers mate, I think that's good advice. Thanks for taking the time to consider my situation.

[f0xxy]

Whether you are misreading the signs or not, one thing is for sure; her boyfriend is going to want to beat you to a bloody pulp if you home-wreck their relationship.

If flirting is the case, then why would you want to be with her? Of course, a relationship isn't just based off from how well you hit it off with someone. People that flirt (or cheat subtly - let's face the facts) are exhibiting a sign of un-sureness within themselves. And an unsure person is a, no, THE key ingredient to a disastrous relationship.

Besides, who says she wouldn't start flirting with other guys if you were her boyfriend?

My suggestion?

RUN. Run as far as you can. There will be more women out there for you, that will not only click with you - but will actually be SURE of themselves.

[AmazingParkour]

Yeah, I think so.

Some girls are flirty without knowing they are. Some guys misinterpret signs of FRIENDLINESS as signs of flirting. It's all a big mess.

Besides, even if she were flirting with you, she has a boyfriend, and you can't do anything worth a damn as long as she stays with him.

[Asker]

Yeah, I have a horrible feeling you may be right (definitely on the last point). I think my problem is that normally I'm the reverse, and seem blind to signs of interest even when they are ridiculously obvious and sometimes even expressed explicitly. Perhaps I want this to work and so I am only seeing it from that perspective...