How can I move on from the lost of my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I don't really know how to talk about this, I've found it so difficult to move on. I lost the love of my life in such a tragic and traumatic way and It haunts me every time I shut my eyes.

This summer me and my boyfriend had just came back from are first holiday abroad together, it was so romantic and is the most precious memory I've had with him. Someone crashed into the side of us on the motorway and drove away. All I remember after is being cut out of a car and my boyfriends dead body next to me with blood pouring out of him. I was screaming and crying for so long I knew straight away he was gone and I was never getting my beautiful boy back.

I can't even face his family now, I've shut everyone off, because I just want to be in my own world were I don't have to face the reality of him being gone.

I still love him so much, he's everything to me, his love is all I've ever known and now I'm all alone, we were one and now I feel I've lost mysel. I can't stop looking back to everything we did and went through. He was my first love. I have flashbacks of things like when we first lost are virginity to each other, when we first told each other we were in love, when he would always make me smile. He was such a special person not just to me but to all the people who knew him. He had the biggest, kindest heart. He was so beautiful inside and out and he didn't deserve the way he died, it should have been years from now with his loved ones by his side not by a drunk hit and run at 26 years old with no justice.

I've been through so much since he's been gone and having him not here makes it worse, knowing but that coward who killed him got away and is living free makes me sick and if it was up to me I'd kill the bastard, they killed the most important person in my life. I just want to be back with him, it dosent feel real, like soon I'm gonna wake up in his arms and it was just all a bad dream but he isn't coming back not ever and I need to face facts.

Updates

+1 y

I've even been thinking of joining him, I know it sounds crazy but I can't bring another day on without him, I cry every morning because I know he's not there.

[SuperManiac]

I can't imagine the traumatic nature of this experience. The closest I've had was just a very traumatic heartbreak with an ex who broke things off just a couple of weeks before our wedding day after all the arrangements were made. On top of that, she was bipolar and anemic, prone to fainting and crying all the time, so that relationship took so much work and patience to build to that point.

Yet in my opinion, time wouldn't have healed that on its own. I could very easily have been just as depressed, if not more, today. And this was almost a decade and a half ago. I remember this feeling of being disconnected from humanity like I'd look at people walking down the street and they seemed like robots to me running on auto-pilot, and I was hyper-empathetic to a fault before, yet I felt zero empathy. I felt no empathy for anyone, not even my closest friends. They seemed like robots to me too, programmed to say things to try to comfort me. The ability to empathize shut off completely during that period to the point where I couldn't even quite recognize people as actually human anymore.

That lasted well over a year until I got so drunk that I stood in front of an intersection with cars swerving by and didn't care, only for police to arrive and resist arrest to the point of trashing the jail cell and breaking the security cam while kicking bars and trying to goad the guard into a proper fight.

Once I sobered up I figured I had to fix something, so I tried to revive old interests. I used to love drawing, creating music, things of this sort. So I tried to get back into that in my spare time, slowly. Then I got into it more and more. And I sort of started falling in love with that, and I started setting ambitious goals around it, and I started getting excited during idle times at work thinking about what I'd work on when I get home. Idle periods used to be torturous for me since they gave me too little distraction and all I'd think about was the ex and the wedding that never happened and the kids we never had and so forth. Then I started actually seeing people as people, not robots, gradually, and it's sort of like I started growing a heart again (it's more like my heart was completely torn out and I had to grow a new one rather than a broken heart). Then I started meeting new people, traveled to new places, and gradually I became normal again.

I think it might be a similar solution for you. It's like a tower of dreams crumbled and ripped your heart out. So you have to build a new one by starting to build a new tower, and it could revolve around goals independent of other people. It'll take a good deal of work to build that tower high again, but the taller it gets, and the more you get into building it, the more you start actually moving on.

[lightbulb27]

Oh my I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so fast that life can change in a second.

I think you have normal feelings honestly... sadness, fear, maybe guilt will pop in there thinking about "but what if I'd just stopped at that light..." etc..

I saw an article where a woman lost all 3 of her kids in one incident and in this case, the girl who hit them was convicted, but not of much. I just say that to say... this happens to people every day, some peoples Christmas plans are gone.

I can only give some thoughts. The very solution is to open up and share what happened so that it gets out. Trapping it, is what feels good, but is what will hold onto it forever... holding onto what was. We all do that with trauma. So. open up especially to people whom you trust and love you in person. There is a gropu in the US called "Grief Share"... try that.

I think this is a process, and it comes down to accepting what was and being appreciative of that.

It may help to get motivated to try and find who hit him... talk to others who are grieving and help them, in schools, or prisons, or homeless. That will feel good... to give back. It will make yo ua better person... it's how we are made. Go give someone else love this Christmas who needs it and you'll see how that works. A hug is worth a lot!

I'm truly sorry for losing your loved one. I'm glad that you had that love in life, you've experienced something others have not, in those special times.

[suncookie]

I literally cried while reading this... your relationship with him was so beautiful. I'm so sorry you lost such a precious person... I don't know what I'd do if I lost the person I love...
But think about it this way... he loves you too and he would want you to live your life to it's fullest even if it's not by his side... he would want you to experience everything beautiful in life and he's want you to live your dreams... he'd want you to make a family and tell your kids about him and keep his legacy going... he'd want you to love and be loved and he'd never want you to take your life.
Remember that he's with you and watching over you and never forget his legacy... pass it down through the family... respect his memory.
I'm so so sorry for your loss... words can't describe your love or what you've gone through.
You'll get through this though for his sake... :)

[CarrieBlossum]

Wow, listen to me. You have been through some terrible things and you shouldn't have to go through this without help. You need some counselling to talk about this tremendous grief and trauma you've experienced, either with a pastor or professional counselor.

[CarrieBlossum]

The sadness your experiencing is very understandable and it's making you not think clearly. You shouldn't be making any major life decisions when you're in this state. You're a wounded person and you have to take time to heal, and it will heal even though you can't imagine how right now.

[razelove]

Well, with something that intense, first I would look for cameras on all roads that approach where you were and any bars if it's still somewhat recent, also junk yards, body shops, etc. It is pretty easy to get rid of, or get a car fixed up for cash after wrecking into someone, but you still need a place to do so.

It would give you something to do, an objective. You might actually find the guy or girl, probably they were texting rather than drunk. The other thing you NEED to do is talk to a counselor, not s psychiatrist or psychologist, but a counselor. They're cheap, and limited in what they can tell other people, or do. psychologists diagnose, psychiatrists prescribe. Counselors talk and help you through things.

You need a goal, and you need help. Make your goal trying to find the person that did this if no one else is. Get your help from a counselor. As to the family, I would imagine they do want to see you. You're a piece of their son's life, and not at fault for what happened to him. Sure they probably think why him, why not you, but you've probably had the same thoughts too. Get a goal, get help.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'm sorry for your loss , i know how it is to lose someone
that you love it's not easy , just lay your hands and worries
in the hands of the Lord and ask him for guidance cause
he is your Salvation and Jesus Loves you , never give up
Best Wishes all my Blessings 🙏

[es20490446e]

Just recognize it's over, it no longer matter what has happened or who he was.