Why do women have to always try to use hints and signs instead of being up front?

[Anonymous]

It seems like women lack the ability to be direct about what they want or what they're trying to say. Instead of just coming right out and saying it, they try to use signs and hints that could mean any number of things. Don't they understand that a lot of guys have no clue what these signs or hints mean?

I've seen this question repeated by women so many times on this site:

"I know he likes me and I'm dropping all the hints/giving all the signs, but he isn't approaching me. Why?"

Here's the answer: It's because he probably can't pick up on these hints or signs you're dropping. And why should he have any reason to when girls today tend to act just a little bit flirty around any guy who's friendly with them?

So, ladies, why, why, WHY can't you just come out and say whatever is on your mind so as to avoid confusion, regrets, and big arguments?

[l-hedoniste]

Part of it is custom. Traditionally, men make the first move, and it's a man's job to engage strangers generally. The woman's job is to wait to be engaged. Neanderthal, sure, but not my rules.

Part of it is a test. Many women prefer a man who is confident and assertive than with a man who is meek and doubtful. Shy may be cute, but it is never hot.

It's an intellegence test too, a test of social adroitness. If you're not savvy enough to pick up on when a woman is attracted to you, you might not pick up when your best friend is throwing the moves on her, or when a brawl is about to break out and you need to make a quick exit. A man who can't read vibes will have all kinds of problems in all kinds of places.

So suck it up, pal, and read the vibes.

[vmw2008]

Man I wish there were more guys like you! You've discovered the female psyche...congratulations :)

[Asker]

You kinda make it sound like women aren't worth the trouble man. all that stuff translates to me as head games and I don't do head games at all.

[l-hedoniste]

They are definitely worth the trouble. You, man, just need to be more aware of what's around you. I had the same frustrations for the same reasons. You, too, will outgrow it.

[Atomizer]

I think girls do this in the early stages of dating to protect themselves from feeling hurt. They do it for the same reasons guys can be afraid to be direct with girls: what if I'm hurt? What if I'm rejected?

However, I've learned the hard way that it's usually better for everyone, male and female, to be direct. I've wound myself up many times (dating situations and otherwise) because I was reluctant to be direct and expected people to interpret my hints.

I agree it can be confusing when girls drop hints, because it's hard to tell if they're flirting because they want to date you, flirting simply to flirt, or being friendly. But again, if you're direct, the problem solves itself: ask 'em out and you'll know very quickly what their intentions were.

[mzsfamous1]

Most women do not be up front because they are shy,lack confidence, or are afraid of rejection. Woman who are shy and lack confidence do not know how you feel and they might feel that they are not good enough so they drop hints so you can tell them that you think they are pretty and you would like to hook up with them. Most women are afraid of rejection. They don't know what the guy is going to say and they don't want to ask because rejection would really bring their self esteem down. Also they would not want to feel out of place by asking the guy if he wants to hook up with them

[Cool-Relax]

I can think of a few guys who do the same thing. One time when I came right out and told a guy I liked him, he told me that he was dropping hints that he liked me months before that. He assumed that I wasn't interested when I just didn't pick up on his "obvious" behavior.

But I haven't been that honest about my feelings since then. I have a hard time expressing my feelings for other people; that's something that I'm working on. Other than that though, I'm pretty open. If you ask me what's on my mind, I'll tell you. I don't see the point in hiding it.

[SomeoneSpecial]

often I end up dropping hints and things like that without even meaning to, cause I don't know what I want either. Sometimes the guy I'm dating asks me what I want or what's on my mind and I just won't really know.so I'll say a ton of stuff, and I mean it all, but none of it is really to the point. Because.I don't know what the point is yet!

And generally when I do know exactly what I want that's when I tend to get shy about saying it, and hold it in for weeks until finally I can't take it anymore and just tell him.

[Shlei3]

Easy there, PEOPLE are not always up front because of the fear of rejection. Because of this fear they tend to be more cautious and drop hints forgetting that other people are not mind readers. It's lame but it's true. We skirt around issues and feelings in hopes that the person we are interested in will pick up on our subtle hints. The best way to get around that? Be straightforward yourself. All you can control is you. But that's not a bad thing.

[dannyboy187]

Fear of rejection is a big factor here. Rejection can make you feel humiliated and completely worthless, it is not a good feeling at all (eventually you get over the feeling, but it still sucks). Another factor to consider is the "unwritten" rules in the realm of dating: technically the man is supposed to make the first move, it (sort of) forces the women to be indirect about their feelings (being direct would be asking the guy out).

[Anonymous]

well because we are afaraid of rejection we can't just go and say I love you just like that its more complicated though.

[Driven47]

Can u explain the complication?