I fell in love with a lesbian. What do I do?

Question

I love her so much but as a man it's so hard for me to talk about my feelings. I don't know what to say to her and I want her to know that even tho she might not love me, I will always love her. I've never been able to talk to someone about my feelings and I don't know how you would. We are best friends but I don't want a let's be friends with benefits. I want a grow old and always be by ur side relationship. I don't know how to even date someone. Growing up no one loved me not bc im ugly but bc no one cared for me.(I am a weird person nothing to weird tho) So I'm so lost that I have a brain fart and have a panick attack. She always has been their for me and it's gonna sound so cheesy but I feel like nothing else matters when she comes around. She talks to people but they keep leaving her and I know that if we got together I would never leave her. I hope God kills me for even thinking about leaving her. But I don't know what to do.

ExcellentHarry · Accepted Answer

Some people are being unnecessarily brutal here. Who hurt them? That's not what this community is about...
Well done for speaking out. As you say, it can be hard to do so with any sense of seriousness as a man.
Of course, it's best she knows if she doesn't already.
It's not going to be easy, but she may not be physically attracted to you. If you once had a bond, surely it can't just end so suddenly? If nothing else, and at least for the time being, maybe just try and keep some sort of conversation and friendship alive? That's a huge part of what love is anyway, right?
As someone else said, if possible try and treat her well and do all you can for her. If nothing else, I'm sure she'll appreciate it in the end... And you'll have no regrets, knowing that you did all you could for this woman you love so much.
It may not always be possible or reasonable to try and "convert" someone from being gay/lesbian. As someone else said, another thing to consider is why she is lesbian - is it just physical attraction? Bad experience with men? Etc. If you want to "win" her round, you could try and disprove, subtly but noticeably, via your actions only, whatever her reasoning is for her sexuality. E. g. men are trash = treat her well, even just as a friend to start with, message her, buy her gifts, show her she's loved, don't forget about her, etc.
I'm sure she will hold some feelings for you, whether it be friendship, admiration, confused desire, or even just appreciation.
You will be somewhat happier knowing you've done what you can to display this love, regardless. And just be honest with her, if you can. Honesty goes a long way.

Best of luck. 👍

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm speaking from the experience of turning one lesbian in to a very, VERY straight, hot girlfriend, two bi chicks, and another normal chick I turned into a lesbian... well no, she said she wanted a gay experience. Whatever. Point is I've been there.

here's the thing dude, I'm in my early 20's. It matters WHY she is gay. If she's gay because she had a very bad male relationship before, then it's up to you to show here subtly that a man can be compassionate, sweet, caring.

If she gay cause she's never seen a dik, and being 19, it's the cool thing to be gay, then just follow normal procedures. Being that you've been friends a while, hit her up. Have a convo every night. Share photos of your day, chit chat. Shoot the shit. Grab a coffee. Slowly go one "dates" that arnt actually dates. After awhile you'll catch that look. Even if you dont, if she's kept doing the above for about a month, tell her straight up, you know she's gay, but you really have something to offer etc. Hopefully the month of being casually talking hanging out every day will have shown that.

Best of luck to you man! I'm in the same fuckin boat. Hope she's hot!!

Pennypolish · Accepted Answer

As others said, if she is a true lesbian, nothing can change this. BUT- if she's in the same age bracket as you, well, she may be bisexua or experimenting. You said you're not good with expressing feelings, but you will either have to let it out-or- move along. Both sound sucky... but aren't you already in pain just thinking about it nonstop?

What you can try is, "hey, what would you ever think of you and I ever being together"... and see her reaction.

The best way to get over someone is TIME and cutting them off. I've done it and damn it was tourture the first 6weeks... then got easier. But when I say cut off, I mean delete all social media, do not see her, do not talk/text nothing. You'd be supervised how quickly you move on.

Also- by being SOOO wrapped up into her- you are now blocking all other available women who will adore the quirky you. Trust me, there is a girl wishing for someone like you. :)

ghostqueen · Accepted Answer

Accept the fact that she'll never be yours and move on.

coachTanthony · Answer

According to Chasing Amy anything is possible! Best scene ever! Don't give up!

NightFlirt · Answer

Go ahead and tell her, let her know that you will be her friend no matter what he reaction is. Even if she does not return your feelings the way you would want, there is always the possibility that she would consider you to be a surrogate father for her (or her partner's) child some day in the future.

something_memorable · Answer

Now you know lesbians feel when we fall for straight girls. It sucks, a lot, but there's nothing for it except ice cream and distractions.

If you fell that hard and you're good friends, you owe it to both of you to fess up and tell her how you feel. Whatever comes of it, you dont want to be kicking yourself 20 years from now wishing you'd have said something, so say it now.

Curmudgeon · Answer

Most lesbians are not appealing, but when they are, it can break your heart.  Some songs come to mind:

Davidstang · Answer

Just be her friend, if she is a lesbian then she will never want to have sex with you..

Think about it, if one of your guy friends told you that he was gay and was in love with you, are you going to turn gay and have sex with him? Of course not.. and she won't either.. (unless you tell her you identify as a lesbian woman.. think that's the loophole you need)

13IsALuckyNumber · Answer

That really sucks, but telling her will just make everyone in the situation uncomfortable. If you want to talk about your feelings then find a good friend that you can talk to about it. Or if you don’t want to talk to someone in person, and you are more comfortable talking with someone online, I’m open if you just want a way to vent out your feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

Once you’re in the friend zone, it’s difficult or impossible to change that. Plus, if she’s not into guys, that’s obviously a roadblock. You have to decide how important the friendship is to you. It’s very likely that she will reject your advances, based on what you wrote. Then what happens to the friendship?

Just keep in mind that the world has about 3.6 billion women... way too many to stress out over just one rejection.

ZackBan · Answer

Just imagine a guy falling in love with you and confessing. You being straight I assume how would you react? That's probably what you can expect from her

BeMuse · Answer

Alphabet soup tends to think you can identify as whatever you want, so just tell her you’re a woman and move forward.

foxrider77 · Answer

Just be close friends, maybe they will invite you into the bedroom. Sometimes they go through phases so maybe she will go back to men.

vickyaustin · Answer

Either it's lesbian or a just a girl, Express it... Let her take the call, you don't know the story of her finding another girl ,... May be she might not have got any hints from any man from long time earlier...

Jinda · Answer

Confess your love to her without expecting anything in return. Better than killing yourself inside.

Darcia · Answer

She might try being bisexual but I don’t what her intentions are so I can’t say.

KyleBroflovski · Answer

Lesbians aren't too hard to turn. I've done it intentionally about 4 times

VIVANT · Answer

You did perfectly well expressing your feelings. Now just tell her and be prepared to move on ☺️

BCA6010 · Answer

If she's really a lesbian, you're wasting your time. Speaking from personal experience.

Marisa00 · Answer

Take step back knowing she’s never gonna love you like you want her to. I had same problem with ex guy friend who could except the fact I’m a lesbian. He was my best friend but he outed me before I came out.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Hard position, bro. The painful truth is, this life is too short for one-sided love.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Sorry to put it like this, but you're chasing after something almost impossible. Try to be realist and accept she might never be interested.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

If she is a lesbian rather than bisexual, you should just realize that it will never happen.

I fell in love with a lesbian. What do I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I fell in love with a lesbian. What do I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.