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Hello, there is one girl who was my teammate for 3 years, i didn't like her so i never have interactions with girls i don't like, we never talked much, but last 2-3 month i realized i like her and we started talking mire frequently and teasing each other, talked more outside of sport, recorded tiktok videos as small group, had little Instagram interactions.
So what do i do from here? It is so damn hard to know someone that long and then give her signals, i don't want to mess this up, she probably doesn't think of me that way or even know that i think of her that way, under some circumstances i willnot be able to see her much but, there will be moments, we might go to play in snow as small group, there will be chances to talk
How do i proceed?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
You’re a grown man. There’s no need to drop hints and play little games, if you know you like her then act on it. Obviously you may have a fear of rejection but it would be just as much of a risk for her to make a move as it would be for you and someone’s got to be the brave one here. On top of that, you may not know how she feels but you already know how you feel about her, so do something about it rather than waiting around hoping that either she picks you up or another guy doesn't have the confidence to approach her before you even find the nerve. Be a braver version of yourself in 2026.
Yesterday, out of nowhere we met to go play in snow, 5 person, it was lots of physical contact, recorded videos where i carry her, walked with crossed arms, she took one picture of only 2 of us, gave her my hat.
Once i tried to explode little explosive in my hand and everyone was going along she started saying no, don't do this and staff
At the end ut was fun night, but i don't know if i am doing staff correct or am i just appearing to her as a friend
I want to act but what i am causions about is to not do something drastic and mess the whole thing up
I definitely think you’re doing something incorrect by not asking out someone that you know you like. There’s nothing drastic about that other than you being this terrified of rejection. You can make all the excuses that you want, you’re gonna end up friendzoned and it won’t be anyone’s fault but your own. Men like yourself are the type to get all in your feelings and hurt if another dude were to ask her out but again, that would be your own fault as well because you chose not to act when you had the chance.
There is actually something drastic about that, some people work with this asking out method, some people work completely differently. Both are ending up in relationships, whatever the method used. Building up slowly is not an excuse, it's a preference, it only looks like an excuse if you expect all people to operate on the same level, if you expect they must follow a predefined course that is in fact just YOUR preference.
By definition drastic means to have a strong or far-reaching effect. Radical and extreme. So how is it extreme to ask out a woman that you’ve already built up to flirting with? If not asking a person out, what other method is there? No, I don’t think there’s some predefined course to dating but I also recognize that the longer he sits in his hands worrying that he’ll mess up the dynamic they currently have, the bigger risk he runs of being friendzoned completely. In my opinion she’s putting signs out there, but traditionally women don’t ask guys out first they’ll usually wait for him to make the first move. I’m not old fashioned in that way, but I know that more women live by this standard than the ones who don’t.
I mean they’ve been teammates for 3 years and he’s known how he feels about her for the past few months already. I don't know how much much slower this buildup needs to be.
"If not asking a person out, what other method is there?"
Just interacting until feelings become obvious enough for both, until both know enough where they stand. I've seen at least 3 relationships being built like that, as an ambiguous friendship slowly moving to stable romantic feelings, it took several months each time
To me, these statements:
“It is so damn hard to know someone that long and then give her signals”
“it was lots of physical contact, recorded videos where i carry her”
Tell me that signals have been given and there’s a decent level of comfort already established. I also think that given this statement:
“i willnot be able to see her much but, there will be moments, we might go to play in snow as small group, there will be chances to talk”
He won’t have many windows of opportunity to build any sort of substantial connection with her, it’ll just be friendly interactions not anything one on one. I think that his window of opportunity is closing and he should take his chance. I’m not a fan of guessing games, I work with transparency so that no one’s time is wasted trying to invest into someone who isn’t mutually interested.
“Just interacting until feelings become obvious for both”
Okay and then what? One has to feel comfortable and confident enough to ask the other out right?
"there’s a decent level of comfort already established"
Not to me, because he's going all the way to ask random people like us about a private matter. Also, these signals can mean everything and nothing in group dynamics, plus we don't know how the girl perceives these so called signals, if she's experienced in monitoring that or not.
"I think that his window of opportunity is closing and he should take his chance"
If it is closing at all, we don't know that. If it is truly closing then he should absolutely make a bolder move, yes, no debate on that.
"I’m not a fan of guessing games, I work with transparency so that no one’s time is wasted trying to invest into someone who isn’t mutually interested."
I totally get that, I know people favoring that approach, I'm only reacting because this approach is one standpoint or preference among many. There's also people like me, working with ambiguity, without being goal oriented, mostly letting things unfold by themselves
So you just pick up, carry around and flirt with women you aren’t at least relatively comfortable with? Come on. In my opinion those signals are strong enough for him to act on and yes, he could miss his shot if he continues wading in the friendzone waiting for whatever magical moment that you think should occur for him to make a move. In my opinion at this point it doesn’t matter if he’s trying to ask her out now or in 3 more months, it’s going to be a risk no matter what because they will still be in the same friend group and he will still worry about ruining their current dynamic. I’m not sure what privacy has to do with anything, people come on this site literally asking about their husbands and wives, we don’t know any of these people personally and he’s already anonymous. Anyway, I think I’m good on the back and forth of this exchange. We can just agree to disagree.
In fact I don't even flirt, I just entertain regular conversations, steadily. I'm comfortable in the sense that I don't have any goal, since my true interest only appears to me after tons of conversations. And from what I can tell, I've been with girls working relatively the same.
About privacy, I just meant that if one goes all the way to throw a private matter in the arena, then it means it is preoccupying him enough, which makes me think he's not at peace with how the events unfold, just that.
The thing is, I have no real experience on this kind of staff, there was only one girl in my life, i thought everything was going great between us and she liked me, but out of nowhere she ended up with boyfriend and got cold to me.
I don't look for fun or any kind of relationship other than finding one and only person in my life where i commit fully and it's harder, If i knew there was something i do and it will work i would do it right now but, because it's new to me i can't make any real move unless i know 100% that she likes me
Also one of the biggest obstacle is the mask i always had arround my family and that group including my sister, making any move on her breaks my mask doesn't matter if her answer is yes or no, it's so hard breaking lifelong mask
About the girl in my life before, we were like texting each other 24/7 and it was so easy, but with her it's different, i send her some photos taken or ask about sms, follow up after event and the conversation breaks, next time i meet her is there anything i should ask her, be more personal, do some action which will not be asking her out but gives me oportunity to connect and open doors for future interactions
Respectfully I feel like there’s a lot of contradiction going on. You say you don’t even flirt, so how did you wind up with these girls? Have you just never had a girlfriend? Never dated or took interest in a woman? Yes, lead with regular conversation but at some point when you’re interested in someone you shift gears.
In my opinion, having zero goals when you decide to take interest in someone becomes problematic. Unless you don’t believe in marriage then that’s ultimately the goal of pursuing someone — to find your wife/husband. Does that mean jump into a relationship and race down the aisle? Absolutely not, but when you and your romantic interest share the same goal then you’ve got something to work towards and you aren’t just floating along aimlessly trying to figure out each other’s intentions. After 2-3 months you should know if you like someone or not, so I’m not sure what’s the point in all that foot dragging and waiting around.
Since you're super comfy with texting, then definitely proceed with what is easy for you, the more you're at ease, the more she should feel at ease as a result.
And texting allows for deepened conversations very easily but it's also possible she is NOT into texting, OR you didn't discover yet how she works in texting, what she likes to talk about and how.
Please don’t rely on texting. Keep it to a minimum eight the intent on asking her out. The best way to deepen your connection is to hang out and create memories. If all you do is text then eventually you’ll run out of things to talk about, conversations become repetitive and ultimately the connection will fizzle out. It’s totally fine to lack experience with dating, none of us are pros. I just think you need to start being intentional with your interactions if you want things to go anywhere. If you’d feel more comfortable then wait another month but I really wouldn’t wait much longer.
**with the intent of asking her out
I 100% know that i like her and my intention for us is to start dating of course, what i don't know is how she feels, next time i see her i will try to have 1 on 1 moment and talk to her, maybe ask about some event coming up and if she wants to go there, i can't just drop hey i like you, if i can get some personal talk i will be able to text her about staff too.
When some girls coming to me to approach i don't like any of them and it's like easy when i imagine talking to them, or even if there is some other girls i have that feeling that i can ask them out anywhere and i will get yes if i wanted and it feels natural beeing close start talking, but when it comes to her everything becomes big move is it sitting next to her or just basic talk and i have no idea what's she thinking and what she wants,
Normally she seems cold and unapproachable, but she became warm to me and things definitely got better for us, i hope when i ask her out i would get yes, i amnot going to mess this up without even trying
I think that’s a great idea and I hope you’re able to find that one on one moment. I understand your fears and concerns, but if she’s worth the risk then you can at least feel proud of yourself for trying, regardless of what the outcome will be. It’s hard to know 100% whether or not someone likes you unless they either tell you themselves, or their actions make it unmistakable that they’re putting signs out there. Given the context I do feel like you’ve had that moment at least once, but I understand wanting to feel comfortable. Just don’t wait too long, you don’t want to miss your shot.
Wishing you luck with this👍
"we started talking more frequently and teasing each other, talked more outside of sport, recorded tiktok videos as small group, had little Instagram interactions."
I would 100% proceed with doing exactly what you're doing, continuing developing this relation, talking, spending time together. Plus you're already on the teasing road, I think it can't fail. In the sense that, at some point, both of you will react explicitly enough to know what each of you want from the other
Yesterday, out of nowhere we met to go play in snow, 5 person, it was lots of physical contact, recorded videos where i carry her, walked with crossed arms, she took one picture of only 2 of us, gave her my hat.
Once i tried to explode little explosive in my hand and everyone was going along she started saying no, don't do this and staff
At the end ut was fun night, but i don't know if i am doing staff correct or am i just appearing to her as a friend
"am i just appearing to her as a friend?"
But without befriending her first, she has no way to really know you. Just like you have no way to really know her. I believe this befriending phase, which might last for long, depending on your timing and hers, ensures a much better and less random foundation for a relationship...
If you're often around her, and if you keep signalling that she matters to you, repeatedly, she will eventually register that your presence is more than friendship. Because friends in your age range, they're not constantly around, those who are constantly around are signalling themselves as potential romantic interest